Sickening
by sphinxs-legend
Summary: Paul's sister is finally free of the hospital and is staying with her protective big brother. But why is Jacob Black pulling attention from her boyfriend? What happens when strange things like imprints, vampires, and werewolves start revolving around her? Jacob/OC and OC/OC - ON HIATUS, WILL BE REWRITTEN
1. The Triangle

**Second new story, everyone...wow, I'm noticing a pattern that there's something strange about each of my girls, but oh well. This one is my favourite of all the other ones, so I really hope you guys enjoy it as well. This is a long first chapter that has a bit of information and sadly no action, but please tell me what you think! Hope you enjoy!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. But I own Sickening's off character plot and any characters you don't recognize :)**

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"Are you sure you don't want to stop for food?" Braden asked, looking at his passenger warily as her head drooped lazily beside him. She threw her eyes wide open, as she was trying to fight off the wave of exhaustion that had slapped her seconds before he had spoken. She shook her head giving him a smile he could see was barely genuine.

"Stop worrying. I told you, we're in the town now. We just have a ten minute drive to the reservation. Knowing everyone there, we'll have a feast ready." She explained lightly, trying to get her own facts straight and wrestle some energy into her tired muscles, how could they be tired when they had been driving for hours and not had anything to do? Overtired? Maybe. Either way, there was no hope.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Braden asked just as cautiously as before, trying to look at her from the corner of his eye to be inconspicuous. She found herself smiling toward him before his thought was even finished.

"You worry about me too much. As I said, maybe it's _you _who actually doesn't want to go..." She left the thought hanging in the air, floating around like the tension wrapped around his shoulders. He shook his head, dangerously close to the roof of his car as his ears burned lightly.

Braden was far too tall to drive the car. When he was 17 he had measured himself at six foot five inches and had never dared to again. He doubted he had grown since that time, however. He always seemed to stay the same height when he hugged the her, that girl that he couldn't seem to look away from. He was skinny, long and lanky to fight his outrageously tall profile. His dark blond shaggy hair was currently dyed a dark red-brown while covering his green-blue eyes. He had always been teased in school because of how tall he was, making him more than insecure. But the girl beside him would always argue she barely noticed. Somehow, he had warmed to believe her.

"Think I'm going to be murdered?" He asked softly, his playful light eyes daring her own to answer how they both knew she should. She took up his offer with a tight lipped smile.

"Murdered? No. Hazed? Yes." Both of them smiled before she looked straight ahead to the familiar road. She could see him slightly shaking. He looked over at her with serious eyes after a harsh bend in the road.

"Do you think they know?" He asked lowly, his eyes piercing her own. She felt even more tired at the thought and shook her head, hiding behind her hand as she turned towards the passenger window. He understood the silence and turned up the radio, which blasted Linkin Park and egged on her better hidden emotions.

Though she had always loved these visits to La Push, this visit was under different circumstances. La Push would not have it's usual charm, even though the point of the visit was for happiness' sake. She tried to hold in all the different emotions she was feeling by embracing the gravol Braden had forced her to take after their last food stop four and a half hours back.

Braden turned down the music as the road straightened itself out into scattered little shops and beaten up cars. She watched in bleary reminiscence as he kept driving straight until she told him where to turn. Familiar roads. Familiar faces walking up and down the streets in the early summer heat. She tired to smile, but was sure it looked more like a wince.

They came up to the house and she had to shake her head to rid her mind from the old memories burned into the back of her brain. The house looked the same. The same white panelling with tanned shutters, the same broken concrete stairs to get to the burgundy front door. The same tanned garage which had oil stains leaking from the inside out in abstracted rainbow designs.

But she felt like she wanted to vomit when she saw the amount of cars which littered the front and driveway leaving only one ominous space meant for Braden's vehicle. He parked the silver 2001 Hyundai Coupe in the spot, shutting off the ignition and looking towards her with steady eyes. She smiled at him but could see he was internally squirming.

She got out of the car first, making a large spectacle for him while she stretched her arms above her head. The girl who stepped out of the vehicle was probably a sight. It had been a 17 hour drive and she was in no mood to have company. Her mid back-length, chestnut-brown hair was braided down her back with an electric blue bandana wrapped around her skull. She was wearing a loose blue t-shirt and blue jean caprice. Her feet were covered in white ballet flats. She had once been beautiful, but she looked different now, and she knew why.

Her body was too strained, her skin was too pale. Her eyes were too dull. Her beautiful, silver and honey eyes were dark with emotion instead of their normal light, crystal colouring. Her skin was stretched too tight over exhausted muscles. She was lost in wondering how ugly she looked when she noticed that Braden was leaning against the car, drooping down a fair amount to reach the hood, and looking expectantly towards her.

"I didn't want to interrupt." He smiled. She couldn't help but smile back. A sudden wave of energy zapping into her lately inexpressive face.

"Do you want me to go in first while you grab the things?" He shook his head dramatically with wide eyes.

"That requires you leaving me out here alone and I hate the sound of that." She nodded, trying not to giggle as they walked around the car and went up to the door together. They took one encouraging look towards each other, trying to put a bit of confidence and trust into their eyes before they turned away and rang the doorbell.

There was an immediate, fast swing of the door.

"You _cannot _be my little sister," the tall boy teased with a strange smile. He looked different...he looked _big. _His dark eyes held a strange sadness, his once long hair was cropped very short. He had buffed out to a disturbing degree that as a sister, she shouldn't have noticed and he had grown larger than she had ever expected him to grow.

"But you are certainly a big-ass brother!" She said in shock, blinking her eyes dramatically as he opened the screen door, letting them in. His eyes automatically hardened when he looked upon Braden until she purposely and thankfully directed the conversation back to her. "And who are all of you?"

There were more people than she had expected in the room. She had expected three or four people, give or take a person, but there were over half a dozen. And those few extras mattered to her. But the most disturbing thing was, _they all looked the same. _She was quickly contemplating this as they were introduced.

"Well, you remember Sam and this is his fiance Emily..." He pointed towards a sitting woman with terrible scarring over the left side of her face and a familiar man who stood almost directly behind her brother. Her eyes only grazed the scarring on Emily's face enough to notice that it was there before she smiled and waved awkwardly. Damn her and her awkwardness.

"You remember Leah and Seth Clearwater, don't you? Seth's your age." She smiled and nodded towards the giants, especially to Seth who used to be her play date all the time as a young child. Their particular hang out happened to be the sandbox, where he would help build magnificent, childishly detailed castles. But he, like the others, was huge. As was his sister, who had a very rough look about her.

"This is Jacob and Embry, you used to be babysat by Billy Black. Do you remember him?" She looked towards the biggest of the giants, noticing that he was even bigger than Braden, but not by much. She seemed to recognize Jacob, the tallest, because she couldn't stop looking at him. His eyes were...well, she thought dazedly, breaking her gaze. She nodded stiffly while recognition coursed through her body, wanting to look into his eyes so she could search for a memory that involved him.

"Yeah, I remember you." She kept nodding which made it so they both dumbly nodded to each other. Like when she used to do it towards her intoxicated friends. It seemed the only appropriate thing to do after years of distance.

"And this is my fiance," He told, steering another girl forward. She had long black hair and dark, almost black, familiar eyes. She smiled slightly to the two and waved. "Rachel. Jacob's sister, actually."

"Nice to meet you." She waved awkwardly. She tried to smile looking over to Braden and shook her thoughts clean. "I think all these people may give Braden a heart attack. Oh - this is my boyfriend, Braden." She pointed to the boy slightly behind her. "And I'm Tessa. Nice to meet you all...or, re-meet for some of you. Why the welcoming party?"

"They thought it'd be best if they were here, too." He said, with gritted teeth? Or at least that's what she had thought she heard. "And don't try and fool anybody here, we all know your name is Esa-Rosa_-_"

"Paul, do you _want _me to stab you?" Tessa asked her big brother, going up to him and craning her neck to look him in the eye. "Because if not you would remember _not _to call me by my real name." She thought about it a moment. "Besides, Dad let me change it legally when I turned 18 because even he knew that Mom was on crack."

"I'm glad you came, Tess." Paul smiled.

"We all are." Rachel added with a grin. Tessa grinned back, looking back to Braden and grabbing his hand. It overtook hers by it's size.

"See, they don't bite." She said lowly. "Say hi to everyone. Say hi to Paul, since you've never met him." She added as a disbelieving afterthought. She was astounded that he hadn't met her brother, considering how long the two had been dating.

"Nice to meet you." Braden's voice was not as low and gruff as the others who had spoken from within the room, but his size definitely made it look like he would fit in. Tessa giggled.

"He's just nervous that you're going to initiate him. What's on the agenda for tonight? Food?" Her excitement made Seth laugh.

"Well, she's just like her brother." He told the group. "We were thinking about hot dogs and some mac-n-cheese?"

She felt her mouth begin to water. She watched Braden look at her from the corner of his eye, knowing she was about to explode in happiness. How long had it been since she had eaten a meal of such disgusting junk that she thought she would puke from it?

"It sounds perfect." She announced after she had composed herself. She made her eyes as large as she could, looking through her eyelashes at Braden. His eyes caught hers and she couldn't help but smile...he was so handsome...then, his eyes rolled. He recognized what looking through her eyelashes meant.

"Fine, c'mon." He took two steps in front of her and bent down as low as he could go. He was a foot and an inch taller than her, so when he bent down she leaped onto his back, hooking her legs around his middle and her arms around his neck. She giggled as he fully stood up, following everyone else outside through the sliding door.

"I see you've gotten over your fear of heights." Paul commented as Rachel went over to talk to Jacob, who seemed to be having some sort of problem in the corner.

"Brae makes me feel comfortable all the time," she smiled, pressing her cheek into his shoulder and closing her eyes. She tried to fight off the wave of exhaustion that tried to grasp her and opened her eyes harshly. Nope. Not tonight.

"You know that I would be a horrible brother if I let you sleep in the same room, right?" He asked, looking sharply towards Braden. She imagined that his eyes were probably widening as he tried to stutter a response, so she took over for him.

"Please? He used to stay the night all the time at Dad's. Dr Lawrence said that I shouldn't be left alone and Dr Helbro said that the reason I have less nightmares when he's around is because the body heat makes me feel safe..."

"I don't want to know about your body heat!" Paul burst, looking so disgusted that he was trembling. Even while part of Tessa wanted to laugh at the situation, when she looked at how upset her brother was it set off red flags. Something seemed wrong about the image, but she couldn't pinpoint what it was...

"Paul, calm down." Rachel whispered, squeezing his arm lightly.

"We don't _have _to stay in the same room, Tess..." Braden said slowly. Tessa tightened her arms around his neck briefly in a type of hug as she shook her head, which she hadn't noticed was starting to droop back to his shoulder.

"No, stop it Braden. I have the right to at least tell him why I want to. Paul can take it, he has a fiance, he knows what it's like to want to lay beside someone." While Tessa was saying this she was shrugging herself off of Braden's back so she could look at her brother squarely.

She could see the similarities between the two of them as soon as she was down. She remembered when her skin had been as dark as his own, or had it been darker? They shared a chin, even if his jaw line was much more strong. They had the same dark hair, and they both had the same freckle on their left ear. Though he was also a giant, they had the same build. She was void of any feminine curves other then her breasts, which weren't magnificent either. The thing that shocked her most was how his eyes were the exact shape of her own. Also, how once upon a time she had had the same chocolate colour eyes...it was a surgery which had caused them to turn a hauntingly pale silver.

"Paul...I don't like being alone." She muttered, tearing her eyes from her brother. She hated admitting anything that made her seem even smaller than everyone already thought she was. She felt fragile...she _was _fragile, and she hated giving them more fuel. "Please don't make me be alone."

Paul let out a loud sigh. When she finally got up the courage to look at him, Rachel had draped her arms around his waist and he was trying to calm his breathing. There seemed to be a slight gloss to his eyes that made her want to run back into Braden's arms out of guilt...but that would be counter productive at the moment.

"Listen, for my own sanity I'll put you in separate rooms...if you want to, if-then just...be _quiet _about it? Please?" Tessa smiled widely, moving to hug him. He wrapped his arms around her briefly before she pulled away, her eyebrows furrowing. His were furrowed too.

"You've lost too much weight, Tess." She brushed the insult off of her shoulder, continuing on with her own observation.

"Who cares, Paul, you're burning up!"

"Nah, I always run this warm." He mumbled, but noticeably moved a couple steps away from her. She reached her short arm and touched his own, feeling the heat assault her hand.

"Braden, am I just losing temperature and hitting hypothermia or is he warm?" She asked, turning towards Braden, who was slightly silent. Still looking awkward. He reached out his large hand and placed it against her cheek. She rubbed her cheek against his cool hand.

"Actually, Tessie, you're running a bit of a temperature yourself." He pulled his hand away and slightly rubbed it on his jeans. Tessa watched the subconscious act with sad eyes...he wasn't ready, yet. "Do you want me to get your medicine?"

"No! I don't want to take my medicine any more than when I absolutely need to. If I'm still running a temperature by the time we go to bed, then you can make me take it. That's if I don't pass out and make it so you have to carry me." She smiled. "I'm gunna go check the food."

With that she turned away, pricking up her ears to listen to what Braden would say to get out of the awkward situation left behind. She had always had very acute hearing. It was from feigning sleep so often, she assumed. His voice almost instantly rang in her head.

"Listen, Paul, she wasn't lying about the whole 'alone' thing. I...I don't like leaving her alone either...it's not like we - I mean we don't - she _can't -_"

"I get it."

"You look concentrated." Tessa was so surprised by the voice so close to her ear that she jumped and accidentally hit her flailing hand against someone's chest. She looked to see the coal-coloured eyes of Jacob Black, who gazed at her searchingly.

"You scared me!" She mumbled with a slight blush, taking her hand back and placing it at her side. Jacob gave a fake smile.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Tessa looked towards the barbeque behind him, pointing with her left hand. He looked behind him, following her finger, before he turned back having a smile formed. "Doesn't that boyfriend of yours feed you?"

"I was defiant. I decided I could wait." She smiled back, caught in his own smile. For some reason it felt infectious.

"How long have you two been together?" Her smile faltered as she realized the irregularity of the question. She furrowed her eyebrows but answered with pride.

"Almost two and a half years. I was about 17, he was 18. We've been basically inseparable since."

"So you two are really serious?" In spite of herself, a large smile appeared on her face as she brought up her right hand, showing him her ring finger. On it was a simple silver band with a beautiful sapphire heart, one of her favourite colours. "A promise ring?" He asked, taking a breath.

"Yeah." She smiled, touching it with her other hand. "It's a promise that he'll stay with me through everything and for when it finally ends." Her smile faltered a bit as she touched it.

"You feel bad for wearing it then, don't you?" She was shocked that he seemed to have read her mind, looking up at him with big, bright, and expressive eyes. "I mean...you don't like dragging him through 'everything'."

Her eyes narrowed. Her hands dropped down as she started cracking her knuckles, one finger at a time...a nervous habit. She shrugged the tension out of her shoulders while shaking her head.

"How much do you know?" Her eyes tore through his own. He looked away when the question was asked, bringing his shoulders up and dropping them as if releasing the tension as she had.

"More than I'd like to." She nodded at the response, fittling with her ring. She thought it was too rude to just walk away, but was worried as the seconds stretched and he didn't try to make conversation. "I hear you're a picky eater?"

"The pickiest." She smiled, glad something was ridding the awkwardness of the situation. "Paul says I've been that way since I was a kid."

"Have you always been small?" Jacob recognized that he shouldn't have said it as her face changed to an irritated red. He raised his hands defensively, making her lips pout.

"I'm not small-"

"Oh God, you called her small?" Tessa seemed to have realized that the voice behind her had been there beforehand because she wasn't startled at all as Braden spoke and put his arms around her. Tessa watched as Jacob's face contorted briefly in annoyance before he tried to mask it.

"Well, in comparison to us, she _is _small." Jacob said easily, sending a smirk towards Tessa who crossed her arms over her chest. "How tall are you, Braden?"

"Uh, somewhere around six foot five." Braden sighed. "I don't care to measure."

"I'm six-nine." Jacob said with pride, his chest slightly broadening. Tessa felt herself start to snicker but tried to stop herself.

"I'm five-four. I beat you by at least a foot and an inch!" She threw her fist in the air triumphantly and paused a moment as the smell of hot dogs wafted toward her. Her hand dropped dramatically as she felt herself start to salivate. Since when had she been so hungry?

"You look as if you're starving...how one of those children in Africa look when they see food for the first time." Jacob laughed. She blushed a deep red.

"I can't help it-"

"I asked if you wanted food," Braden whispered in her ear. It made her shiver with his closeness. She felt herself fall back into him as she rubbed her cheek against his own.

"I didn't want food then. I want food _now._"

"Good thing, too." Jared said with a smile, running over to her. "It's ready."

"Wiggles!" She shrieked, unravelling herself from Braden's arms to jump into Jared's. He hugged her back, laughing as he spun her around.

"Hey Little One." He smiled, looking her over and sighing. She made a face at her old nickname, really was she _that _small? "Paul wasn't lying, you're tiny." She started to go red.

"I'm not t-"

"You must be Braden. I'm Jared." Jared put out his hand for him to shake, which they did briefly. For as long as Tessa could remember Seth and Jared had always been the nicest guys she had known. Her brother had always been the most temperamental...she probably got second place with how quickly her moods changed.

"What's up with everyone being tall?" Braden asked. Jared laughed before raising his eyebrows.

"You're pretty tall yourself, man." It wasn't that Tessa didn't like the attention not being on her, actually she loved that for once she wasn't the center of the universe, but she couldn't help herself as she huffed.

"_Food_!" Jacob was first to laugh, followed quickly by everyone else. Braden took her hand and he began to walk with her towards where the food was being cooked on a charred, rusted barbeque.

"What d'you want, Little One?" Sam asked, she smiled and greeted him while she looked over her options. Mac 'n' cheese was a must, she thought lightly. But how many hot dogs would she be able to stuff inside of her face before she'd throw them up? Two? She wasn't used to not being fed from a limited tray of hospital food...

"Two hot dogs and some macaroni." She decided, nodding her head in determination. "And I'm gunna eat them," she glared playfully at Braden who had sceptical blue eyes and taunting, raised eyebrows. "Just you wait."

"You are a stubborn one," Jacob observed lightly. She sent a light hearted glare towards him before grabbing one of the paper plates. While Sam filled it for her, she grabbed the ketchup and smothered her hot dogs.

"You're also a light eater." Jared said with a smile. "You'll never last."

"Never last?" She repeated, taking a plastic fork and stabbing through the center of her mac 'n' cheese to make it look like a sword in stone.

"Yeah, we are all crazy about food. If you're too nonchalant about it or something, well...you're going to end up not getting a chance to eat."

Jared wasn't lying. While Braden had three hot dogs and a large serving of cheesy goodness, most of the other boys ate about 5 hot dogs each and two or three servings. With comments like, "you guys eat your body weight!" and "the porks dead, don't eat it like it's running from you", it was Tessa who had only eaten half her macaroni, a hotdog and two bites of the second, left to stare wide eyed at the boys. Seeing if by appearance she could see the black holes in their torso's.

"So Tessa, how long are you staying?" Jacob asked, starting the conversation after dinner was finished. They all sat around the deck on lawn chairs, empty plates thrown to the side. Tessa had her legs draped over Braden's lap, since he was sitting directly beside her, closer than the other chairs had been pulled. Every now and then when he was lost in thought he would rub her legs or squeeze them in concentration.

"She'll be staying for a long time." Paul answered testily. She smiled to him.

"Still have temper tantrums, Sunshine?" She asked, using the nickname their father had given him from a young age. He shrugged, still too upset to laugh.

"You're staying." He said firmly.

"Calm yourself." Jared said, putting a hand on his shoulder. Always level-headed, Tessa thought with a smile toward Jared, who rolled his eyes at her in return.

"And Braden, are you staying too?" Seth asked, pulling the train of thought back on it's tracks. Tessa turned her gaze to look at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer.

From the time she had told him that it would be here that she stayed he had known it was his decision to pull out or not. He had been sure that he wanted to stay with Tessa for as long as he could, but she didn't know how long that would be for. She couldn't expect him to stay, but she was desperate to keep him there anyway. They needed each other to stay strong, now.

"Definitely." He told, his blue-green eyes gazing sharply into her own silver. "I plan to look for a job and everything."

"They need a life guard down at the beach," Seth suggested. He shook his head.

"I'm not a strong swimmer. Tessa's the one good for that stuff."

"Really?" Jacob asked with raised eyebrows. "You seem a little small..." Her eyes bored through his own and he found himself almost shocked with their intensity.

"I'm - not - small." She said, glaring openly.

"Tessie always used to do cool stuff like swimming," Seth recalled, saving Jacob's ass with a smirk. "When we weren't making sand castles, she was swimming. And when she wasn't swimming she was doing flips."

"Not always flips." She corrected thinking back on the time she used to go to Port Angeles for her Gymnastics lessons. "I used to be really good. I'm a couple years out of practice though."

"One day." Braden said, rubbing his hand over her shin. She nodded sadly.

"Maybe."

As the conversation droned on, Tessa found that the exhaustion that she had been fighting all day was beginning to catch up with her. Her eyes were drooping, her body was strangely contorted so her legs were still on Braden's lap while her head was resting on his shoulder. She tried desperately to keep hold of her brothers face in her vision as he tried to explain things she had missed, jokes she was not a part of, but it seemed no use.

"Tessa, you should go to bed." Braden said firmly, squeezing her shin. She woke up sharply, her eyes springing open and immediately watering from the fierceness.

"No, I want to stay up." She meant to say, but it came out slurred. It made them laugh, but there was a hidden tenseness behind it. Paul was stone faced, Sam and Rachel's faces turned towards him in worry.

"Come on, I'll take you in." Braden smiled, slipping down on a knee. "Piggy back?" And as simple as that, he knew he had her. She loved piggy backs. Her face brightened as much as it could against it's tired muscles and she stiffly climbed on his back, drooping hazardously enough he had to tightly grip her.

"Goodnight everyone. Thanks for welcoming me." She said as he stood. "Love you Paul." She tried to hold his eye contact for a couple seconds but her eyes were already drooping. Braden was so comfortable, so warm, and so safe...his smell was enough to make her relax. And when she relaxed, she slept.

"Love you, Little One. Goodnight." He said back and although she couldn't open her eyes and look behind her, she was sure his voice was trembling. It made her sad enough that she got a very short surviving second wind.

As Braden took her into the house, searching for her old bedroom, she drowsily found energy to ask, "do you think it's wrong, me barging in?"

"This is your old house," Braden chuckled. "He's your brother. I don't think he minds." He started his way up the creaking staircase. She didn't mind as his body bounced her on his back.

"But I mean, with this circumstance. It's kind of dangerous." She yawned, pointing to the second door on the right. "I don't wanna hurt anyone."

"You won't." He said firmly. "Everything's going to be just fine. You know that. I keep telling you, it will be fine." He seemed to be convincing himself more then her, something he tended to do often.

"Are you really going to stay and get a job?" She asked as he opened the door to her old room. She was too tired to inspect whether or not it had changed. He gently put her on the bed.

"Even _I'm _not rich enough to go without one. So yeah. If it's what I have to do, I will. It all depends how long you want to stay...do you plan to _stay-_stay?" He asked, taking off his shoes. He climbed into the bed with her.

"I want to be somewhere safe. This is safe. I like safe." She snuggled into him, feeling his familiar body and warmth. Even though, she probably had a fever. But the feeling remained the same.

"I'll keep you safe. You know that." He took a deep breath. "Lets not talk about it right now...why don't you rest? I'll be here when you wake up."

"You're going to leave in the middle of the night, aren't you?" She asked with a pout, even though her eyes were closed she knew how he was reacting. He was trying to find a nice way to tell her and when he did that his mouth hung open testing shapes and vowels to start his sentence.

"I need to change. It wouldn't be nice on the first night for your brother."

"Paul is going to love you." Tessa said distantly, feeling the clouds starting to take over and fill her mind. His voice sounded far away, his warmth was the only thing she could feel.

"Why is that?"

"Because I love you. You're safe. Happy." She was starting to cut off her sentences because she didn't think her mind could create them well enough. "I love you Brae."

"I love you Tessa."

She let go of the warmth and got lost in the clouds, watching as they turned into dull, gray dreams.

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**I hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading and please tell me what you think! **

**And what do you think about **_Forgetting Franki _**vs. **_Sickening_**? **

**Let me know!**

**--Egypt**


	2. Tree Climbers

**So, I know the last one wasn't that thrilling, but I hope you enjoy this one a little bit more. The next one will have lots of Jacob, I just wanted to get my characters solidified, so I hope you all like this chapter and can be nice enough to wait around for the next one where everything starts to REALLY happen :)**

**-----**

It was when Paul came to wake her that she decided to get up, even though Braden had tried about three times prior. He came in with an audible bounce in his step while singing.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bacon...y..." He added lamely. Even as she tried to stay asleep to defy him she couldn't help but smile at his stupidity. He couldn't get a simple kids song right? She'd clearly been gone to long. Paul caught her smile and sat himself on her bed with her.

"Go away." She groaned groggily, turning over and pulling her pillow overtop of her head. He shook his head, not that she saw.

"I'm no morning person either, but when it's _noon _and you're still not up-" It took Paul's words a moment to register before she threw her pillow off her face, her eyes snapped open so quickly that she saw spots. Even amidst them she asked,

"Gods, it's noon?" He laughed at her reaction, taking one of his giant hands and ruffling her hair. She pouted. "Not nice. I already must look disgusting...in the name of-why are you so hot?" He made a face.

"Tessa, I'm your _brother._" She made the same face.

"Ew." She paused, totally disgusted by the idea before she added, "That's not how I meant it." She rolled over and stretched before sitting up on the other side of the bed. Paul, with surprising slyness, was able to sit on the same side with her by the time she was all the way up.

"I'm not sure I like Braden." He said simply while he looked at the space beside her window, instead of looking at the window and hence closer to her eyes. He said it as if he were saying he didn't like the current weather and it made Tessa's eyes widen slightly in shock before her face pulled into an angry glare.

"Oh really? Why would that be?" Paul just shrugged, still not able to look at her since she was so angry.

"I think there are better guys for you. Like one of my friends or something." He mumbled, it made her eyebrows shoot all the way up to her hairline. She motioned for him to continue. He sighed. "Listen, someone like Jacob or something. It's not that I don't necessarily like Braden, I just don't think it's fair for him to be here now."

The statement hit home. Waves of guilt started reverberating through her very blood and core before it started circulating around her entire body. Her eyes started welling up, she started trembling and breathing quickly. It seemed it was her reaction that tipped Paul off as to how she took it.

"No! No, Tess that's not how I meant it." He grabbed some of his short hair and cursed quietly. "Listen, that came out wrong. I more mean it's...uh...not fair for him to be around the people he's around. Because, he doesn't know anyone?" For some reason it came out like a question, and she turned her frustrated and upset eyes towards him for a clearer answer. "Okay, I'm obviously not getting it right. I like him, don't get me wrong. It's just..."

"He's going to get hurt." She finished with a wavering voice. It was not a question. It was a fact. And though Paul meant it in a different way, when he heard her reasoning he winced. She noticed he even started shaking from the idea.

"You're going to be fine." He said firmly, with a lower and darker tone than he had used before. It was almost angry, but he was obviously trying to mask it for her sake. He was always temperamental, but he _always _tried to hide it from her.

"Yeah." She said simply, but it was obviously in disbelief. Paul couldn't take it anymore and stood up, still shaking from all the information. He looked down to her with somewhat dark eyes.

"Listen, I have to- I have to go out for a bit. Jared and Jacob are downstairs with Braden. Come down soon, he's waiting for you." She nodded, knowing Braden probably was waiting for her. As Paul left, Tessa pondered whether or not she should get dressed or stay in her pyjamas. The decision was quickly made as she stood up, looked at herself in the mirror and decided she at least had to pull her hair back.

Her hair was the thing which she both loved and hated most about herself. It was nearly down to her bottom, dark, slick, and sheen. Her hair was kind of her symbol of vitality since everything else had disintegrated closer and closer to her doom. Her skin was _so _pale, her eyes weren't their normal brown but instead a disturbing silver...she didn't even know screwing up a surgery could do that.

After she had braided her hair, she tried to hide her exhaustion by jumping down the stairs happily. The three boys were sat at the table, probably interrogating her boyfriend to find out more about him. Each boy smiled upon her arrival and she went and sat directly in Braden's lap, kissing him on the cheek which made him chuckle.

"I tried to get you up three times." He stated, to which she smiled.

"I know. I remember." At her unbothered tone he rolled his eyes, possibly annoyed that he had lost time with her or was stuck with people he didn't know because she couldn't get out of bed. Her argument would have been he should have just joined her had he missed her that badly. She always won.

"Want some lunch?" Jared asked, getting up to stand by the pantry, gazing into it. Her stomach started grumbling just at the idea, but she groaned.

"Can we just call it brunch? I don't want to be reminded how late I got up. I feel bad." Braden laughed, nuzzling into her neck.

"Don't feel bad. You were tired." He told, kissing her jaw lightly. She felt herself pout.

"I'm _always _tired." She complained quietly, only feeling that Braden held her more tightly. She put on one of her more fake smiles and looked up to Jared. "Can I have a bagel?"

"Just one?" He laughed. "Sorry, I forget what it's like being with people who don't eat like wolves." With a small laugh from everyone in the room, he got to work starting her plain bagel with butter for her. During this time Jacob took the opportunity to talk through the silence.

"So, tonight we were thinking about having a bonfire and we were going to play football tonight. Just the big, strong guys...and Leah." He winked to Tessa, who couldn't help but smile. She nodded.

"I love fires, Paul and I used to be Pyro's...but I have to warn you, I'm not a very good cheerleader. I'm-" she cut herself off, trying to think of the best way to describe her abstracted form of encouragement. "Well, I'm my brother." She laughed lightly. Jacob, looking at her with twinkling eyes shrugged his shoulders before looking to Braden.

"We play pretty rough, so if you don't want to get hurt you may want to stay at the sidelines too." Tessa shook her head.

"Nah, Braden used to love to play football." She looked up at him, catching his wonderfully blue eyes. While she looked into them she could tell, though not looking at the rest of his face, that he was smiling because he had that particular twinkle to them. She felt his arms wind more tightly around her and couldn't help smiling back before turning back to the other boys in the room, who looked rather annoyed.

"I'll play." Braden said simply. Jared let out a whistle which sounded more like how he would wince then how he would cheer. Jacob just smiled.

"Your funeral."

"So Little One, what are your plans for the day?" Jared rushed, placing the bagel in front of her. She thanked him with a smile and started to dig in as she thought about it.

"Well, I'm not really sure. I sort of want to look around, I mean I haven't been here in...well I haven't _lived _here in nine years." She sighed, thinking of the weight of that statement. Had it really been that long? She shook the thoughts out of her head while she smiled. "I think I want to explore."

"Do you want me to come?" Braden asked quietly. She tried to restrain her laughter as she turned herself around to gaze at him. He had always been so self conscious, always trying to bend at her every will. It was depressing he still thought that there were times she wanted to be without him, because to be honest she didn't think she ever did.

"Of course I want you to come with me." She said with a smile. "You don't know this place either." She heard a hissing from Jacob and looked to him quickly. He hid his emotions with a shrug.

"Maybe you should spend some time with Paul." Jared said with a strange eye exchange with Jacob. When he looked to her his eyes were sincere. "He really wants to see how you're doing."

"I can take you around if you want." Jacob offered, looking at Braden with a firm set jaw. "I'm going to be hanging around a lot so we may as well get to know each other."

"A lot is an understatement." Jared muttered lightly but with a sort of smile. "I think I'm going to cancel plans with Kim and just see her at the bonfire. Good plan Jake?" He asked, taking a seat at the table so he was to Braden's left. He sat particularly closer to Jacob who looked at him with a muted expression.

"Sure, sure."

"Would you mind?" Tessa whispered to Braden. His blue eyes were trying to hide his disappointment but she immediately knew that he would not stop her. By the way he was tense behind her he was obviously uncomfortable with something and she wasn't sure if it was the fact he was going to be leaving her - which was a growing problem of his - or if it was because he would be spending time with someone he didn't know. His warm hands gave her a reassuring squeeze that he was okay with it and his shaggy head nodded as he put on as genuine of a smile as he could grow.

"Then it's settled, once Paul get's back he'll take Tessa out and I can take you whenever you want." Jacob said a little loudly, it slightly made Tessa jump as her eyes turned towards him instead of Braden. She immediately tried to play it cool, knowing that it had been embarrassing.

Jacob Black certainly was some type of man. Around the same age as Paul he was so much bigger. He had pounds more of muscle and he was nearly five inches taller than Braden. His skin was so shiny as if he was made of expensive bronzer, it was so beautiful that Tessa found herself jealous. She used to be that dark, if not darker, what had happened to that? His hair was shaggy, a little longer than Braden's and was as dark as her hair had always been. And his eyes...his eyes were something that had her drowning in them. His eyes were darker than hers had ever been, their gaze was intense had laced with emotion that he was trying to hide. She had to tear her eyes away from him as she felt her heart race, he was probably looking at her like that because he knew something was off with her. That had to be it.

"I'll go find Paul." She heard Jacob mutter, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him again. As she heard the screen door close she got up off of Braden's lap, suddenly feeling a little strange. Making the excuse that she was going upstairs to change, she found herself mentally and physically stumbling towards her bedroom.

Taking a look at it, it was exactly as she had left it all those years ago. It was still a bright orange paint job, her shelves were still packed with toy puppies and kittens, stuffed animals and storybooks. Her bed had the image of a sunset, much like the ones she remembered seeing over the water of First Beach throughout her childhood. She could probably still name each stuffed animal and toy, but as she looked through some of the pictures left in tacky frames she couldn't really remember the names of half the people in them.

She heard steps coming up the stairs in a familiar rhythm. She didn't need to look to see who came and put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" Braden asked, running his hand down her arm. It gave her strange shivers which she had to close her eyes to avoid.

"I'm okay." She breathed, but could tell it didn't sound very reassuring. "I'm just feeling a little weird." He turned her around immediately, his blue eyes on fire as he looked her over, his now cool hands calming on her skin.

"Maybe you should explore later," he suggested, sitting her down on her bed as she sat down beside him. She shook her head at once, thinking about how upset Paul could potentially be with that decision. She didn't want him to start babying her too. It was bad enough that her boyfriend couldn't seem to look at her without a calculating air about him, even if it was always out of love.

"No, no, no." She said at once with a shake of her head. "I feel fine, just...strange." She thought again about Jacob, his gaze which was so _knowing _and she felt herself shiver, goose bumps raising the hair on her arms. "I want to talk to Paul anyway, thank him for letting me stay."

"If you're sure..." He was doubtful, his eyes very cautious. But when he saw that she was determined he smiled widely, a new spark in his eye. "So I was thinking, since it's the first real one we're able to have: I'm going to take you on a date." She didn't want to stop the smile that stretched over her face as her mind started reeling with possibilities.

"A date?" She repeated, trying the words out for herself. He smiled his pearly white smile, his blue eyes sparkling in joy just at the idea. His smile was infectious as he nodded.

"Yup, a date. While Jake shows me around I'll be looking for the perfect place to take you. You can get all dressed up and we'll go out." Her face fell softly while she looked at him with slightly sad eyes.

"I don't have anything to dress up in." She said slowly. He didn't miss a beat.

"Good it would distract from you anyway. I think you're stunning as you are." He said kissing her earlobe. She found herself giggling while pushing him off, knowing very well that her brother could be here any minute.

"We'll go on a casual date first. I think we're long overdue a good first date." She smiled and kissed him, feeling how gentle his cool lips were against her own. As she savoured the moment of being close to him, she heard someone coming up the stairs and quickly coughing loudly.

Paul had his arms crossed over his chest in a strong stance, his eyes were slightly narrowed but there was a bit of a smirk crossing his face. He raised an eyebrow while he beckoned with a head movement for Tessa to follow him. With a roll of her eyes and another swift kiss on Braden's cheek, she got up, checking out her sweatpants and oversized green shirt knowing that she was dressed horribly to go out. So, grabbing a nicer shirt (for she wasn't giving up her comfortable sweatpants) she headed with Paul, going to the bathroom to change on the way out.

As Paul showed her all the places she could remember and even more that she had forgotten, the talked very little. They seemed to have a lot on their minds, but after a while the silence became uncomfortable and both of them knew it. It was hard not being able to have a comfortable conversation with her own brother, especially since she hadn't lived with him in almost nine years. They should have tons to talk about. But it was very obvious that Paul wasn't ready to talk about it yet, and Tessa was finding it very hard to bring the subject up knowing that he would react badly. And she didn't want to get in a fight with anyone, the reasons behind it would seem too lame.

Tessa started noticing after a while that her breath was coming short and though it had only been an hour or two, she was already exhausted even though they weren't trekking on uneven ground. She wanted to think it was because Paul's strides were so much longer than her own, but he was keeping it paced very slow so she could keep up and even though she tried to find excuses about it, she knew it was her own problem.

"Want me to slow down?" He asked, reading her mind. Her breathing must have been louder than she had realized, she let out a sigh and shook her head.

"It's just a symptom." She informed lamely, to which he flinched and nodded firmly. Setting his jaw and looking forward. Tessa tried to distract herself from her breathlessness by attempting to recognize her surroundings, which was not going well. Everything in La Push seemed kind of like a fog rested around it. Her memories were old and warped with age casting a strange eerie glow against everything. All her memories showed were sunshine even while this region of Washington was known for it's rain. But there was something which caught her eye, a strangely warped oak tree which had an arm that jutted out as if it were trying to trip children who were running too quickly. She found herself smiling.

"What?" Paul asked, noticing her change in mood.

"Is that the park with the swing set?" She asked, already walking towards it. When she heard his faint and positive reply from behind her she found herself running, as fast and weak as she could, towards where she remembered the swing set being.

But because of those foggy memories, she seemed to forget that the oak tree had a root with the same intentions as the low-laying branch which caught her shoe in it's shoe-size-seven nook and she felt herself falling forward. She felt her knee lightly scrape the tough bark, she felt her hands touch the grass on the other side trying to lessen the impact of her face against the grass. And then she felt a warm hand on each of her shoulders, pulling with enough force to get her to stand upright.

"Esa, you're-" he couldn't seem to come up with a word for the massive amount of blood pouring from her knee. She looked down toward it with a scowl, she had not hit it that hard and she knew it was _not _supposed to bleed so excessively. She waved her hand in a dismissive manner.

"Don't worry about it." She said lowly.

"No, I think we should go back and get you bandaged up. We can come to the swings some other night." He told with a low and authoritative voice, one that she heard often but in someone else's body. Usually, she heard Braden using this finalizing and slightly reprimanding tone and she didn't like to hear it on her brother. She had come here to get away from all of that.

"Honestly there's no point. We need to wait until it slows down anyway or else I'll get blood _everywhere. _So we may as well stay at the swings and go back and fix it later." She said lowly. "This isn't abnormal, let's just forget it."

"You're going to loose like a pint or two of blood at this rate!" He told, shaking a tad. She put her hand on his arm, feeling the trembling stop before she looked at him with a small smile.

"I'll have a good night's sleep then. Come on, you have to push me."

As she limped towards the swing set and went on the swing in the very middle of the five, she heard Paul let out a huff before following her. While she mounted the swing, taking small note of her terrifyingly bloody leg, she tried to play it off as if it were nothing. She felt his searing hot hands on her back as he pushed her.

"We're not staying long. That seriously has to be bandaged."

"I know. Gods, why are your hands so hot?" She made sure not to make the mistake she had made this morning. Paul did not push her the next time but instead sat beside her on the fourth swing from the right, looking at her with dark eyes.

"How bad is it?" He asked, looking at her from his peripheral. She assumed he was like Braden had once been and could not hold her eyes, as if he would feel the pain she did. She shrugged, purposefully keeping her face stoic.

"I'm out, aren't I?" She asked lightly, knowing he was not talking about her knee anymore. He nodded but said nothing and soon they fell into a strange and foreboding silence. To be honest, Tessa was afraid to break it because she didn't get to hear silence very often. Usually there were sounds of machines or people whispering. Crying from behind doors they thought she couldn't hear through. Paul seemed to want to break the silence, probably wondering why something between a brother and a sister would be so awkward. The wind in her face was not enough to make things quiet.

"I like what you've done with your hair." He finally blurted. She smiled lightly, looking again to the cut on her leg to remember her place.

"Thanks, I do too. Braden hates it." She said softly and with a slight scowl. She didn't like it when Braden tried to fight her on some things and though he was only doing it to, in retrospect, make her feel better she knew that her appearance unnerved him. Things were so much different now then they were three years ago.

"Braden doesn't have to worry about the things you do." Paul whispered, somewhat savagely. Esa's eyebrows shot up to her hairline as she looked at him sceptically.

"Anymore." She corrected, looking at him testily. He took the hint. And while he didn't return her intrigue but lowered the speed of his swinging, she saw his face go suddenly stern.

"We're leaving." He said darkly. Her eyebrows came down from her forehead and creased unhappily. They had been there less than five minutes, she liked to swing for longer. She loved the wind against her face and the freedom of being able to swing as high as she could. She sighed, slowing her pace down, but having to get Paul to help her, which he did almost immediately. Her knee was starting to stiffen up and the blood had run down to her shoe and stained it. She moaned and took it off. Paul grabbed them from her immediately with his right hand, taking his left hand and grabbing her own, pulling her quickly alongside him. He must have been in a hurry.

After he had pulled her from the swing and in a different way toward the road she noticed a strange glitter in the strange tripper-tree. She recognized it immediately as the glint of eyes. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously towards the person noticing the features were much lighter even than her own and the look in their eyes was just as strangely intense as Jacob's. It gave her immediate gooseflesh, sending up the hair on the back of her neck and taking the breath away from her as she stopped walking, putting a little too much weight on her leg. She didn't cry out in pain, surprisingly, but held her ground, suddenly scared stiff from the gaze.

"Who's that?" She asked, unable to look away from his eyes. Paul's let out a dark, inhuman growl at the same time as he pulled her arm roughly. Tessa's leg gave a dangerous buckle before it moved against her will, sending tears to shatter her vision while her eyes were pried away from the man's face. She looked to Paul who looked about ready to murder the pale boy in the tree.

"No one you need to care about. Let's go." Tessa took the dark tone as a final instruction before she walked away from the man. Paul, quickly realizing she couldn't go fast enough from the boy he clearly wanted to get away from, dragged her on his back and piggy backed her back to the house deciding that he had to deal with her bloody knee himself. And when the bandage was on her knee and her blood flow had stopped, he excused himself for a walk in the forest. She melted into her covers, suddenly drowsy from lack of blood and a long day of walking, but all she could feel on her were very intense gazes and dark eyes...even if she couldn't tell whose.

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**Please review, I hope you enjoyed it. What do you think of my character? Isn't she mysterious, or have you all figured it out already? Send me your thoughts! Thanks for reading.**

**--Egypt**


	3. Bonding

**This is my longest chapter I have ever written. It is 6453 words, my second longest is the newest chapter of **Forgetting Franki **which is 6411. I hope you guys enjoy this and I would love to dedicate this chapter to **Angel of the Night Watchers **who is the only one who has reviewed :( **

**PLEASE review guys, I would really appreciate feedback.**

**I don't own the original characters of the Twilight Saga, but I own all that you don't recognize including the plot and certain characters.**

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Braden walked into Tessa's bedroom with soft feet, already having heard from Paul that she had gone up for a nap about an hour and a half before. When he walked into the room he saw the tenser band around her knee with a little bit of red beginning to soak through. There was also a bit of dry blood on her wrists from where she had obviously caught herself, but it wasn't bad enough to need anything other than being cleaned.

He slunk onto the bed in front of her, trying to make sure that he didn't wake her by moving too quickly. He watched her eyes as they danced behind their lids, showing him stories of her dreams just by how they shifted. She was having a nice dream, a calm dream. A dream that didn't involve the end.

He couldn't stop himself as he kissed the tip of her nose very lightly. When he pulled away her eyes were hazily trying to focus on his own.

"Brae?" She asked groggily, her voice raspy with exhaustion.

"Hi baby." He whispered. "How'd you sleep?"

"Shortly." She yawned, stretching swiftly before curling into him. "I hate waking up. I wish I could sleep forever."

"No you don't." Braden muttered sternly. She grunted, realizing her mistake and regretting it for only the second that she had noticed. "I have a surprise for you." He whispered into her hair, he felt her head move so she could look up at him from where she lay, a little bit of energy sparking in her tired eyes.

"You do?"

"Mhm. I've found the perfect place for our first date." He smiled. She smiled lightly as well, not saying anything to let him continue. "And guess when I'm taking you?"

"When?" She asked immediately, loving the game they were playing.

"As soon as you get up, get dressed for our beach trip later, and get your butt downstairs." Braden left the room swiftly after he said this, giving her the space she needed to get ready and get excited. When she had heard that he had walked down the stairs she heard felt herself squeal in a very high pitched sound of excited as quietly as she could.

She was going on a date. Her first date. Her first date with her first love. She was ecstatic, but at the same time she didn't really know how to feel. How does one react to going on a first date? In the movies she used to get to watch the girls were always nervous, but she didn't feel nervous at all. In fact, she felt all too calm. This felt normal. Natural.

She didn't change her shirt, but she did change into a pair of loose fitting jeans and planned to wear some flip flops. She tied her hair with a lose fitting braid, and pinched her cheeks like her Grandmother back home had taught her to do instead of using blush. Tessa had never been taught how to use makeup.

Tessa rushed down the stairs as fast as she could with her injured knee. Jacob, Jared, Paul and Braden were all there waiting by the kitchen table. There was a large smile on Braden's face.

"Wow, you even _changed _for this?" He asked tauntingly. She smiled back toothily, finding it hard to bring her cheeks to a relaxed position.

"It's a first date. Something tells me you're supposed to look well-kept." She stated. The other boys rolled their eyes but Braden just smiled at her before breaking eye contact as he chuckled.

"Well, thanks for the day Jake, but I have to be off." He told, motioning towards Tessa who dropped the smile to shrug dramatically towards Jacob. Jacob looked between them.

"You're not goin' to get lost, are you?" He asked lowly towards Braden. Braden shook his head, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to remember how to get to the first place Jake had shown him on the tour of La Push.

"No, I'll be good. I have a pretty decent sense of direction." Braden explained with a grin towards him. Jake didn't return it, but rather looked down to the food that happened to be in front of him and stabbing his fork rather violently into the rice, muttering darkly to himself.

The two left the others to put on their shoes, Braden grabbing a blanket and the two of us going quickly out of the door before they were delayed for any longer. As they began walking down the road to the right, Braden grabbed onto her hand and swung it melodramatically. Tessa found that she couldn't stop smiling, swinging her arm just as enthusiastically as he was. It was a long time before anyone said anything.

"I love you." Braden said simply. The words made her heart swell. She stopped humming to herself to look back at him.

"I love you too, Brae." She let the words sink in for a moment, looking back to the road. It was such a natural thing to say now. There was nothing else that what they had could be called. It had to be love. They had been through hell and come to be with one another again. They never wanted to be without one another, they never wanted to see one another get hurt...it was love.

"Where are we going?" Tessa asked anxiously after having walked for about ten minutes. They had just been turning onto a small dirt road when she asked. Braden didn't answer, instead he just swung her arm a little too high for her so she had to do a jump before her arm returned to normal level. "How was your tour?"

"Interesting." He said slowly. She assumed it was because Braden was used to big cities with bustling and noise. He probably wasn't used to such a small, tight-knit community where everyone knew everyone and everything that was going on. He probably didn't like that he could see the whole of the town in such a short time instead of taking days and still leaving things untouched. "My guide was moody."

_Jacob Black. _The thought of him made Tessa's mind wander into strange questions about who he was. There was something about him that made him a little bit different than the other monsterly boys who she had met here in La Push, even if he did hold many of the same characteristics. He also was not good with emotions, whether he couldn't handle the ones he had or he couldn't decide which emotion was allowed in his body at a time, he didn't seem to have a leash on them. And his eyes...the way he looked at her sent chills down her spine. They were vigorous and determined with some hidden agenda that Tessa wasn't in on. She found herself hoping that she somehow had some part in it.

"Jake was moody? How so?" She found herself asking. She wasn't sure whether or not she was happy that the conversation had changed to him because of her interest in him. Part of her was even a little jealous that Braden had got to spend time picking him apart when she had gotten so little.

"I don't know, he just seemed pissed off. Nice of him to show me around anyway, I just felt like he was taking it out on me a bit." He shrugged, trying to pass it off as something that didn't bother him. But Tessa knew better. If Braden had brought it up, he took note of it. If he took note of it, it bothered him.

"What are you hiding?" She asked boldly. She wasn't really worried about embarrassing herself because she knew that he had something to say, he was just filtering himself in case he would end up feeling awkward later on.

"It's not what _I'm _hiding, it's more like _he _was." Braden sneered a bit, pushing his hand harshly through his hair. "There's something weird about that guy."

"What? That they're all on steroids?" Tessa laughed. Braden chuckled a little bit too, glad she was as good as she was with lightening the mood.

"Nah, he was just butting into stuff that isn't his business." He said lowly, squeezing her hand a bit. Her mouth opened a bit in understanding while she nodded slowly.

"Ah. You mean he was butting into stuff that was _my _business." She whispered. Braden squeezed her hand again, both to comfort her and let her know that she was right in the first place.

They walked in silence for a few minutes more. Tessa was trying not to complain about her knee which had started giving sharp pains about five hours prior. She really had to stop soon, but just as she was getting ready to ask Braden for a piggy back a large smile spread across his face while he tugged on her hand, walking quickly forward.

"Come on, you have to see where we are."

Braden pulled Tessa to the right off of the dirt road, getting so excited that he started running a bit before he realized he had to go much slower to accommodate his injured girlfriend. The dirt road kept curving up behind them to an unseen destination, but as Tessa looked over at where she was being lead she realized that it didn't lead _anywhere. _It was as if something from outer space had chopped the rest of the earth away.

Tessa found herself wandering from Braden's protection, her curiosity too eager to be satisfied with sitting so far away from the nothingness. Walking slowly and as delicately as she could limp with her knee, she went to the edge. Straight below her she watched waves crash against the rocks against the cliffs. It must have been eighty to a hundred feet high. The water looked choppy and vicious below her and she found herself swallowing a thick lump that had gathered in her throat.

She heard Braden come up behind her and felt his hands on her shoulders. He chuckled a bit before leaning down, brushing her hair to the side.

"Stop looking down. Look out."

The sun was shining over the oceans surface, as choppy as the waves were giving it the trembling look that Tessa could remember seeing on Paul so often the past few days. The clouds were scattered across the sky in white, fluffed pictures that told irregular stories. The sky was made of peculiar shades of blue, pink and gold. Tessa tried to reason with why there would be pink and gold in the sky instead of the red it should be from the sunset that triggered them, but she couldn't reason it out in her mind. She quickly decided to let it go, it was too pretty to be distracted of for too long.

"It's almost as beautiful as you." A grin crept onto Tessa's face, even as she tried to withhold it. She glanced out to the side of her eye to look at Braden. His lips were pulled up into a confident smile, his green-blue eyes were gleaming with happiness. He could clearly see that she liked where he had brought her and he probably was very proud.

"You did good. This is a good first date." She smiled, touching his nose with her own. "Can we put down that blanket?" She asked, pointing to the blanket he had tucked under his arm when they had started their journey to the cliff. He nodded, even though he seemed hesitant to let go of her shoulders.

Once he had spread the blanket a good few feet from the edge of the cliff, he laid down on it, putting his arms behind his head. She immediately found a way to get down without moving her knee too much and lay against his arm, turning her body to face him. He turned his neck and his light eyes danced while he looked at her.

"You are looking so happy." He said slowly. "I'm glad we came."

"You're not talking about to the cliff-top, are you?" She asked knowingly, a small smirk raised her lips. He shook his head with his own smirk, touched by her eternal optimism.

"No, I'm not." He said softly. "Were you happy to be with your brother?"

"It was great...we didn't really know what to say to each other," she added as an afterthought. She hadn't really minded that they couldn't find anything to say. He was there with her, it was comforting. "I guess he is afraid to know what I have to tell him."

"You don't have to tell him anything," Braden said slowly, turning his face back up to the sky above him. He squinted form the bright sun stinging his eyes. "If you'd just go to the hospital-"

"We can't afford it here, Braden." Tessa said sternly, her smile fading from her face as she looked up at the white clouds too. "We're in America now and my Mom doesn't have enough insurance."

"Esa, I'm telling you, I understand that you want to be with your brother but if you really can't pay then my Dad wi-"

"Don't say it." Tessa groaned. "You know I won't let you. And I'm sick of hearing about it."

There was a long silence, one that was severely awkward. Both had things they wanted to say, but neither one had the nerve to say them. Tessa knew what he wanted to hear, but on the other hand she also knew what should be said. So, she sat up, making sure that there was no way he could ignore her eyes while she looked down on him.

"I'm not taking the treatments, Brae."

Braden turned his head away from her, a new type of glimmer in his eyes. She had to look away from him when he saw a tear leak down his cheek and hit the grass. She didn't understand why he hadn't accepted the inevitable. They both knew the consequences of her coming to Washington DC in the first place, he just needed to get the thought into his mind. If he wouldn't ignore the subject then maybe he would understand. Just like Paul wouldn't dare to do earlier on.

"Tomorrow I'm going to go and find a job." Braden said raggedly, trying to keep himself together. "I haven't run it by Paul to see if he'll be able to watch you-"

"I don't need a babysitter, Braden." Tessa scoffed. She did not keep it a secret that she was insulted.

"No, but you need someone to be with you in case - I don't know: you get sick, or you get a fever, or you start to bleed, or -"

"Braden!" Tessa squeaked, looking around to make sure there was no one around to hear his words. She caught his eyes and glared at him. "_Listen_, I need you to understand what is happening and stop being ignorant."

"Tessa-" He began, but she held up her hand to stop him.

"Don't 'Tessa' me. I love you. I love you so much but I'm sick. I'm-"

"-getting better." Tessa closed her eyes, tears of frustration starting to blind her. She needed to try a new approach. When she opened her eyes, she tried to keep her voice level, genuine and assertive.

"Braden, I came here because this is where I wanted to be. I need you to accept that this could b-"

"Esa-Rosa _stop!_" The anger in his voice made her jump. "Just stop it! Why do you _insist _we talk about this now? Why do you _insist _we talk about this when we don't have to? We don't _know _anything yet and if you weren't so fucking selfish-"

"Braden-"

"-if you weren't so selfish then we could go to the hospital and see what you need so you _aren't _in pain anymore." Tessa shook her head, her voice was soft.

"I've been doing fine, Braden. I'm not in pain."

"Exactly! Isn't that a good thing? Isn't that a good omen? So why the hell do you have to keep talking about this, why do you keep bringing it up?" Braden was out of breath. He was panting and he looked unsound. His eyes were flaming and weeping from frustration and probably sadness.

Tessa stood up, crossing her arms over her body and looking out towards the ocean. Taking a few steps forward she looked down and scanned the beach. There, where she had expected them to be, were around a dozen people fooling around on the beach. They all had the dark skin and even darker hair, their bodies moved almost too gracefully for how large they all were.

"I'm finding my way down to the beach. Feel free to join." Tessa muttered, starting to walk back down the cliff, trying to determine the shortest way towards the people there.

She did not turn back when she realized that Braden did not follow her.

The walk was long and she found that going downhill and having to straighten her knee was making it hurt more than going uphill more slowly. She couldn't complain though. She didn't want to stop in case Braden was only a few minutes behind her and they ended up having the chance to meet up because she looked as frail as he thought she was.

Perhaps if she went into the brush to stop for a little while just so she could take a little rest, even if he passed her? She shook her head. No. No way.

"You're looking a little sour," a voice said from in front of her. Raising her silver eyes, she was met with the sight of three half naked boys who looked quite startled to see her. Seth, who had spoken was there with two boys that she didn't know. She looked at the two apprehensively. They looked just like Seth, but were possibly a little younger. Be that as it may, they were still giants with very familiar looking cropped hair and muscles.

"I was right, wasn't I?" She asked Seth. "You _are _all on steroids."

Seth burst into laughter, the other two chuckled rather loudly. That they were open to do this made Tessa much less on edge as she smiled towards them, now daring to acknowledge they were actually there.

"Tessa, this is Collin," he pointed towards the taller of the two new boys. Seth still remained tallest even if he was the smallest of all the giants she had previously met. "And this is Brady."

"Hello." She smiled. Collin nodded kindly while Brady waved.

"Where's Braden, isn't he with you?" Seth asked, sending a look towards Collin and Brady, who strangely enough nodded as if in understanding. She watched the interaction cautiously before she sighed.

"Braden and I are not on the best terms right now..." She trailed off. Seth nodded lightly.

"Well, it was bound to happen." She heard Brady mutter. She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, about to say something about how he knew nothing about their relationship, before Collin interrupted.

"Where were you off to?" He asked, rubbing his arm self consciously. It was as if she was missing something. She forced one of her fake smiles again, more then glad that they were not pressing the subject.

"I was just on my way to the beach."

"Well low-and-behold!" Seth said with a smile. "That's right where we were headed."

"Could we escort you?" Collin asked in his most formal tone. Tessa raised her eyebrows tauntingly before sticking her nose up in the air.

"I would like a shoulder, giants, my leg is rather sore." She said in her own formal tone, even though the truth was very evident. Brady stepped forward automatically.

"I'm shortest so I can help." He said with a smile, not keeping up with the formal accenting. Tessa didn't really mind because as soon as he put his arm down low enough for her to swing her arm around, she felt the weight off her knee and felt a lot more comfortable. She groaned a bit as he stood up to his full height.

"Why are you all scorching hot?" She asked and without breathing continued with, "you're _still _too big." She growled, testing to see how they were going to walk.

"You're just small." Collin smiled. Seth made a wincing face towards him, warning him that he was in bad territory, but not before Tessa spat her thoughts out venomously.

"I'm _not _small!" Seth rolled his eyes dramatically, looking first to them then back to the road.

"Come on. Let's get this princess to her knight in shining armour." She found herself frowning a bit, not sure she wanted to see Braden at this moment, but as they said nothing else about it she decided not to draw attention to herself.

As she limped down to the beach, even though it was much less painful with Brady's help, they didn't really talk much. She and Brady were left out of the whispered conversation going on between Seth and Collin in front of them. Every now and then they'd look back to her, sometimes their faces were serious and a few times they snickered.

She knew exactly when they were getting close. The sand started to tickle her toes and feel how it got a little cooler now that the wind was blowing off of the water. She could taste the salt in the air and the air somehow felt more thick in her throat, perhaps it was the smoke. She could smell the campfire, which she could tell was blazing much more brightly than when she had seen it from the cliff. Most of all it was what she heard: the raucous sound of boys playing around and laughing in the sand, the gentle _swishing _of the waves which sounded to have calmed down. She could hear specific words and voices now...the first she recognized was Jake's.

Why did her mind keep coming back to him? There was something about him that made her shiver and have to turn her eyes away.

"And here we are." Collin said loudly as they went through the trees and came to the wide beach. Seth and Collin immediately ran forward to alert everyone of their presence, Brady didn't seem to mind being stuck behind with Tessa.

"Sorry about this." She mumbled with a grimace. "You can let me go. I can walk fine, it was more the downhill thing-"

"They would _kill _me if I let you hurt yourself by letting you walk." Brady said with a chuckle. She found her eyebrows knitting together again.

"'They'?" She asked him. He shrugged, turning his eyes back to the beach.

"The guys." Tessa turned herself back to the beach, smiling at the sight in front of her. There were over a dozen people there, as she had anticipated. She saw all the boys, plus one that was familiar but she was sure she hadn't met. He was playing with a little child and she wondered briefly by the way he was handling her if he was her father. Something to ask for later. There were also multiple girls there: Rachel, Emily and Leah who she had already met along with another girl who she hadn't met but she seemed to be hanging around Jared. She wondered if this was the girl he had been dating for a long time.

"What happened to you?" Embry asked while he and Jacob approached them. She looked at Jacob briefly, getting lost in her curiosities about him before she realized it was her that was being addressed.

"Oh-uh, I tripped and skinned my knee."

"You mean you _impaled _your knee, right? 'Cause I mean, you look pretty hurt." Embry asked with a slight chuckle, looking to a very stoic looking Jacob.

"No, I'm okay, really. I was just up on the cliff over there and-" she stopped to point at the cliff, but when she pointed she could clearly see Braden looking down at the scene. She turned her head away quickly and took her arm from around Braden. Of course he had seen her look weak.

"Where's Braden?" Jake asked lowly. "Surprised _he's _not helping you if you're in so much pain." Tessa looked up to him, gazing into the dark depths of his eyes. She took a deep breath.

"We got in a bit of an argument. He wanted to prove that I was weak...I think I proved him right." She muttered the last part lowly and was surprised that Jacob had heard her.

"You're not weak. Determination is half the battle." Jacob shrugged as if they were talking about doing homework. She found herself grinning at him to which he grinned back. He seemed a lot more warm then he had been this morning, she noticed happily. "Let's go get you a seat by the fire."

"But aren't you guys playing football?" She asked as he took her arm. She noticed immediately that he had the same scorching heat radiating from his body. She had to look up to him, he was very tall.

"Nah, we decided to keep you and your boyfriend unharmed for the first week. That has kind'a gone down the drain now, but..." He trailed off but looked to her with a big smile. She laughed a little bit, looking down at her knee.

"Are you good with keeping secrets?" She asked with a playful tone. Jacob looked at her with raised eyebrows, his eyes twinkling.

"I'll keep your secrets, Tessa." She felt herself shiver as he said her name, goose bumps covering her even though he was warming her entire body just by having hold of her.

"Uh-" she fumbled with her words, slightly disoriented. "Well, I'm actually in a lot of pain."

"From your knee?" He asked, suddenly looking very concerned.

"From a little bit of everything." She said, looking down to her tenser band. The little tinge of red that had previously soaked through the tenser band had gotten a lot darker and more noticeable. "Just don't tell Braden."

"Why don't you want him to know?" He asked. Tessa looked up at him sceptically for a moment before he held up his hand and put on his most innocent face. "Hey, I'm a good secret keeper, remember?" She found herself smiling.

"Well, he told me that I needed a-a _babysitter._" She spit the word in disgust. "I get that I need to be checked on, but I don't need constant attention. I mean-" she stopped herself at once, realizing that she may have said too much because she didn't know how much Jacob Black knew.

"I understand why your boyfriend would like to _give _you constant attention." He told with a cheeky smile. Tessa let out a laugh.

"You're funny." She stated, looking at him happily. "I like you."

"Good, I happen to like you too." He smiled as he set her down on a fallen log, the one nearest to the log. "And even though I really like spending time with you, I see your brother sending me hints that he and Rachel want to spend time with you-"

"You mean your sister?" She asked knowingly. He smiled.

"You pay attention." She nodded raising her eyebrows tauntingly which made him laugh in a very low, boisterous tone. With that he left to do his own business and Paul and Rachel came to hold a conversation.

It was a very nice conversation, Paul seemed very concerned about her tenser bandage and even decided to change it with what Emily had brought. So, to make him happy she allowed him to do so, looking around subconsciously and noticing that Jacob was watching. After that Jake sat across from her on the other side of the fire. Whenever it flickered she could see his handsome face and found herself getting a little lost in the conversation because she was so distracted. She remembered thinking Rachel was nice, even if she hadn't really spent time with her when she wasn't glued to Paul's side.

And the way Paul _looked _at her! It was as if she was a goddess on a pedestal so high that he couldn't touch her if he could fly to the heavens...it was as if she was so precious that he didn't want the sand to tarnish her. Tessa found herself a little disgruntled by it, after all Braden _tried _to look at her like that but he could never quite let everything go...

Tessa heard him before she saw him. Braden was stepping in the sand, having some difficulty in his shoes. She did not turn back to look at him but closed her eyes, preparing herself for whatever would happen, whatever he would say or however he would manage to draw attention to the fact they were fighting. But instead, he surprised her by sitting down on the bench with her. Not close enough that they were touching, but close enough it looked like they were a couple.

She looked at him with wary eyes, surprised that his blue eyes were so clear and looking back at her. They held eyes for a long time, trying to determine who was most upset and how far they could push the limits of their relationship at this particular moment.

"Nice of you to join us." Paul said loudly, tearing their eyes away from each other and toward him. Tessa noticed out of her peripheral that Jacob left his perch from the log on the other side of the fire.

"Yeah, sorry. I had some stuff to do." Braden grumbled. She knew that he meant he was thinking, but it would sound a lot more incriminating if they told him that.

"Well, we're glad to have you here now." Rachel said kindly with a warm smile. "You missed Tessa getting her bandages changed, luckily." She made a face. "I feel queasy at the sight of blood."

"You could have told me," Tessa said quickly. "I would have done it somewhere else."

"Uh," Braden said slowly. "How-how are you feeling?" Tessa could tell he felt bad saying it after their previous conversation, but it looked like it was something he couldn't go without knowing. She took a deep breath, willing to give him a little leeway.

"I feel fine." She said simply, hoping that was enough for him. It obviously wasn't because just a moment later he had his cool hand against her forehead, she shrugged away from his touch with a wince.

"You're boiling." He stated lowly, ashamed to act on the information he had gathered from touching her skin. She looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"I'm sitting four feet away from a _bonfire._"

"Maybe you should take it easy, just in case. You've had a long day." He said with the most innocent and pained voice that he could muster. She found herself wincing from the tone, knowing that he was trying to somehow seduce her into submission. She looked to him with narrowed eyes before turning her head to Paul.

"Excuse me, I have to take a walk." She looked back to Braden. "Get some air to clear my head. _Alone._" She added quietly enough so only he would hear it. His eyes fell to the sand as she stood up, biting her lip and putting all her weight on her knee, not caring that it hurt. She would not show Braden that there was anything wrong with her, it would give him fuel and he needed no more since the boy could run on fumes.

She knew that Braden was only doing this because he loved her. Because he was worried and because he wanted to keep her for as long as possible...but he needed to understand. She came here for a reason. She wanted to live the life she hadn't got to live, without hospitals, tests, and nurses that were checking up on her more often than her father. He wasn't helping her live and have a good experience if he was following her around making sure she did nothing that she found exhilarating, fun, or something that she normally wouldn't be allowed to do. If he made her live by the rules then how would she ever complete the list of things she wanted to do? She knew La Push was the place to do it. It had to be, because this was the place she wanted to be most. That's why she was here. Because this was the only place she could think of being after what she had been through.

She found herself walking out past the sound of loud boys. The light from the fire no longer lit her way and she was guided only by the stars...she couldn't even remember when they had come out to shine on them, she had been so engrossed with everything that had been going on. Paul, Rachel, Jacob _and _Braden. When she was out in the dark, she started to wade out into the water.

She rolled up her pant legs and then found herself limping into the water. She made sure not to go far enough that her bandages would get wet. She had not gone all the way out when she heard the sound of someone walking through the water behind her. She rolled her eyes, her face contorting into an uncharacteristic frown.

"I agree that you should get to be on your own," a husky voice said from behind her. "But not in the dark with no one around. That's just common sense." When Tessa turned to the side she could barely see what she knew to the be the 6'9" form of Jacob in the water only a few feet away.

"Sorry. I got frustrated." She admitted with a sigh, turning back out to look at the waning moon reflecting eerily over the water. It was something that she should have taken a picture of, but was happy to realize that she would have multiple nights of this feeling and multiple opportunities to find a sight just as beautiful.

"What'd he say to piss you off?" The bluntness of his question made her laugh, she played with the end of her braid, feeling how dry and brittle her hair was.

"He checked my temperature and told me to take it easy...in front of Paul." She rolled her eyes, though she knew he couldn't see it. "That's like condemning me. A boyfriend _and _a big brother figure keeping me in? Those are the biggest authority figures in my life right now."

"Did you just refer to your boyfriend as an 'authority figure'?" Jake asked sceptically. As she looked over to him she noticed that her sight had gotten better and adjusted to the dark so she could make out some of his dark features...including that glimmer and intensity from his dark eyes.

"Yeah, I guess I did..." She said slowly. "I just mean that he doesn't get it."

"He doesn't get that you want your chance to live?" Jacob asked knowingly. Her eyes widened before narrowing, she took a step towards him.

"How much do you know?" The question was the same that she had asked the night before and yet for some reason the way she asked it this time meant so much more and by the hesitation from Jacob, she realized that he knew it too.

"I _know._" He said simply, his voice laced with pain. Tessa took in a sharp intake of breath and let it go just as noisily, trying to decide what to say to him after this situation. There was a long, growing silence before she nodded slowly.

"How long have you known?" She asked softly. She watched him shrug.

"I've always known." He said simply, but just as quietly, as if it were something they shouldn't be saying out loud.

"Who knows?"

"We probably all _think_." He said slowly. "By all I mean we 'on steroids'." She let out a short snort and felt herself grin a bit, but it was quickly dulled.

"So...who told you?" She asked carefully, not wanting him to feel like she would kill whoever told him. But she was more nervous about how many people knew.

"No one." The words were low and painful for him to say and for her to hear. She felt herself shiver angrily against how cold the realization was.

"It's that obvious? How did you know?"

"I could just feel it." He said with a grumble. She looked severely at the moon in the water, suddenly wishing that she could swim that far out. "_Why are you here_?" The question was somewhat rude the way he asked, but it obviously wasn't intended to me.

"The doctor said I could be." She said stiffly.

"But you shouldn't be." He stated. She found that the moon was getting somewhat foggy, her vision blurring it and making it seem much more thick.

"No one knows that." She admitted. He nodded beside her.

"Does Braden know?" The emotion he asked with was somewhat hooded, but she ignored it not caring.

"I think so...he never lets me talk about it so I can't be sure." A tear fell from her cheek, rippling the water against her legs. There was a part of her that couldn't believe that she was talking to a stranger about such private things that she had not spoken to anyone else about. But at the same time she had been craving to speak to someone so much that all she wanted to do was talk about it. Admit it. Let someone know how responsible she's being and tell her that it would be okay...and know what it meant to say it.

"Does it scare you?" He asked after a while, turning to face her in the water. She did the same, but she could not bring her eyes to look at him as she answered.

"Sometimes."

"So...I'm not misreading right? It's true?" He asked slowly. When I didn't answer it seemed he thought that he needed to elaborate. "You're dying?" Tears started rippling the water in constant intervals, sobs started to wrack her body and she found it strange to actually find her voice.

"It's true." He was the first person who wasn't a doctor to say it. He was the first person she could say it aloud to. He was the first person who had made it real, and who realized what it meant. He was the first person who realized it was true.

She was dying.

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**Well, I hope you enjoyed that... it's pretty dramatic, huh? I know, it's kinda crazy, but I know exactly where I'm going with this story and you guys are going to LOVE it. It's going to be so interesting. What does everyone think of Braden? What do you guys think about the relationship between Jacob and Tessa? Complications, complications. Please review, I would love to hear what you think!**

**--Egypt**


	4. Flirting with Guilt

**So, longest chapter ever? I think so! This chapter measures itself to be 18 and a half pages on WORD and is exactly 7541 words long! The longest chapter I wrote was the last chapter in this story which was 6453...so this is over a thousand words longer....**

**Basically this chapter has some Jacob fluff and of course, some of the answers that you guys have all been looking forward to. After this chapter, everything starts to get crazy...you know why? Because that's the type of writer I am! **

**Special thanks go out to **freckleface6763**, **FAXfan**, **TeamJacob55Emi**, **carconee **and **Angel of the Night Watchers **for their reviews! Thank you guys, I really appreciated this because even though this story is kinda slow, you won't BELIEVE what I have planned for it :)**

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"Esa...Esa, get up." As Tessa opened her eyes she noticed the handsome, blue-eyed man curled up beside her on her bed. Had Braden snuck into bed with her last night? Surely he hadn't, she would have noticed someone so warm suddenly pressing his chest against her back. Her silver eyes gazed at him dazedly.

Their fight had not lasted long, after all he was only trying to keep her safe and out of harms way. He had pulled back for a couple days, letting her have her freedom as she got to know the other guys a lot better. She was very close with Paul and Jared since they lived with her; but Seth, Embry and of course Jacob had been leaving very specific marks on her heartstrings.

It had been six days they had been in La Push now and she was finally starting to feel at home. Even her room had more of a 'homey' feel. Her father's house had been done up much like a hospital room with so much equipment and books about what to do according to certain medical procedures 'just in case'.

Braden's blue-green eyes were patient as he waited for her mind to focus and wake up. When he saw that her eyes had lost some of their gloss and when her pupils stopped changing size frantically he continued.

"Guess what?"

"Wha'?" She asked with a groggy voice, it rasped and sounded harshly loud in the quiet room.

"I got a job!" He announced happily.

Suddenly she was very awake, but not out of happiness. As much as she wanted her independence and as much as she wanted him to get a job if that's what he needed to do for himself, she didn't like not having the option of him always being there. She wanted him to be around whenever she needed him: as selfish as it sounded. She'd always had that option, she'd never been without him as long as she had known him. It was more than intimidating to realize that he wouldn't always be around as a crying shoulder.

"Where?"

"Down at the Police Station in Forks. I do whatever they need me to: file, answer phones, paperwork, probably even food runs." His smile spread wide over his face. "They only hired me after I told them that my Mom was one of the callers for 911 and she'd brought me to work a couple times. They must think I already know how to do the paperwork."

"Do you?" She asked sceptically, searching for a reason that he would hopefully quit on the first day. Braden shrugged a bit, the grin never leaving his face.

"I'll work it out." Tessa didn't really like that idea. She didn't like the idea of him going away from her and she really didn't like the idea of him 'working it out' and keeping the job. But then again, the grin on his face was as wide as she had seen it since they had started the trip to La Push and his pride was probably bursting. He must feel like it was the first time he could actually make a difference, and she didn't want to have to take that away from him.

"What are the hours?" _Please be part time_, she plead in her mind.

"I get Sunday's and Monday's off, then I work from 9-5." Dread plastered itself over her face and he quickly noted how nervous she was. "If you want, I won't take the job, it's just...yeah, I have money, but I don't want to have to go asking my Dad for more if this is more of a - you know - _permanent _thing."

Tessa was about to open her mouth and argue that she was going to stay here until she no longer could, but decided not to. It wasn't really worth it, she didn't want another argument like the one from a couple days ago. That just wouldn't be worth it.

"Braden, I'm proud of you. Keep it." She said with as much of a smile as she could muster. It felt tight and somehow like elastic, because as soon as she was done speaking, her mouth was once again loose. He seemed to understand exactly what it meant, but he didn't argue it. It was probably for the better: if he said he needed a job, then he needed a job. Tessa was not one to argue something that someone needed.

"How are you feeling? You look pale." Tessa always looked pale, but she could imagine that she probably looked more pale then normal because she felt a little weak. Not only did she feel weak, but she felt slightly cold and a little shaky. Luckily her stomach didn't feel that upset and more luckily she seemed to be able to hold herself up so she could also probably walk.

"I'll be fine. What are we doing today?" I asked, trying to distract him. A guilty look crossed his face.

"Well, I was going to go get some of the supplies I needed for Tuesday. But if you're not up for going to Port Angeles, then I can just wait and we can go tomorrow-"

"Braden," She laughed a bit. "You don't need _me _to go to Port Angeles. Honestly, go and I'll be here when you get back. Any boys downstairs?" There was a part of her that hoped he would say a specific name...that name which made her tingle with (what she hoped was) curiosity.

"Yeah..." he said slowly while his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you sure you want to be left alone with them?" There was something in his voice that showed not only was he worried but he seemed somehow suspicious. Tessa took a moment to try and think of why. Was her 'intrigue' with Jacob Black that obvious? Braden surely wasn't getting jealous...right?

"Depends. Who is 'them'?"

"Paul and Jared. Oh- what's his name...uh, Se-?"

"Seth." She finished while brightening. A childhood best friend who was actually her age? She hadn't been around many people her age (other than Braden who was a year older) for a long time.

"Yeah, Seth." He looked away, down to her blanket where he started to pick at the lint on the comforter. "Jake's down there too."

So he was down there. Her interest spiked and suddenly she found that she kind of did want to be home alone. She and Jacob hadn't really spoken after their very brief and morbid conversation in the water, but now she felt like she _needed _to talk to him. As if talking to him about the things that were on her mind were direly important. Things that she couldn't talk about with Braden because he was too scared. But something told her that Jake wasn't scared...okay, maybe he was but he wasn't scared to at least talk about it.

And she desperately needed someone to confide in. Confide _everything _in.

"Tessa?" She jumped a bit and looked at him again. Had she been spaced out? If she were to do that too much she knew Braden would never leave and give her a chance to vent. She smiled slightly.

"Sorry." She said quietly.

"Do you want me to leave you alone when...I mean, you were kinda weird after you came back from the beach."

Weird was a bit of an understatement. After such a conversation you would think that one would be upset, but instead Tessa had been giddy and smiley. She couldn't stop moving and would glance at Jacob, who looked very torn between being upset and being amused, and it was as if that giddiness would be refuelled every time.

"I'll be fine. I've got lots of big burly boys to protect me and take care of me even when you _aren't _here now. This can work." She assured very seriously toward the end. Tessa also realized she sounded like she was convincing herself more for her own comfort.

"Okay..." he said slowly. "Want me to stay until you're at least settled and feeli-"

"Braden." Tessa's sharp tone made him close his eyes. "Go."

"Fine." He told with a sigh, he stood up quickly and took a moment to steady himself from his head rush. "Have a good morning, I should be back in like...okay, I don't exactly know, but I'm going to aim for before dinner." She giggled at his confession and nodded.

"I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you too." He said, obviously a little grumpy as he walked out of the room. She waited until she heard the start of his beautiful Coupe, before she jumped out of bed. What should she do now?

She felt kind of strange. She'd never been so excited over the idea of staying with a boy who wasn't Braden. She had never felt this giddiness, nor had she ever felt this need to talk to someone. She pulled out and disorganized all her clothes, trying to decide what to wear. She took a bright yellow shirt and denim shorts while letting her hair hang down unnaturally long.

"Morning!" She called with a smile, purposefully making a lot of noise as she headed down the stairs. When she entered the kitchen she looked at the scene before her. Jared and Jacob were laughing animatedly while Paul looked about ready to snap Seth in two. She raised her eyebrows. "What's so funny?"

"Seth...called Paul..._Sunshine._ So he...he decked him...and _missed_!" Jared told through the howling, Jacob patted the seat next to him invitingly and she found that she didn't hesitate to sit beside him.

"I hate that nickname." Paul muttered bitterly. Tessa found herself making a mocking face of hurt.

"Oh Paul, why didn't you tell us? It's just that it suits you so well!" She gushed, making sure to add an extra large pout at the end. It made the boys laugh more.

"You came to this town at the worst time. You came into the _room _at the worst time. Besides I wouldn't be so kind, it's reminds me how _Little One _fits you." Paul shot back icily. Tessa stopped the cute face, and held her hands up defensively with her eyes narrowed.

"Hey now, let's not say anything we'll regret." She told, trying to make a truce.

"Agree to disagree?" Paul asked, lending his hand to her. She took it, trying to bite back the comment of how hot his skin still was.

"Agreed." She said shortly, giving him a toothy smile. "So, what's for breakfast?"

"Depends," Seth said with a grin. "What are you making?" Tessa rolled her eyes as all eyes turned to her for her answer. She had never cooked before, like _really _cooked before. She had done the occasional scrambled eggs, the occasional premixed cakes, and grilled cheese.

"I can make eggs..." She said slowly. "Scrambled eggs."

"What about bacon? I looove bacon." Seth told, digging through the fridge and taking out two frozen packages before he threw them onto the counter with a heavy 'thud'. Tessa shrugged.

"Sure." How hard could that be? "Would you get the eggs out for me too, Seth?" She asked, rummaging through the cupboards for a big bowl to mix the eggs in. When she found a medium sized glass bowl, Seth handed her the large, pale eggs. Jared had put a pan on the stove and put a few slices of bacon in it. As she took out a lot of the eggs, she looked to the boys behind her.

"You know how to make scrambled eggs, don't you?" Jacob asked, his eyes dancing with amusement as he intensely watched Tessa. Her cheeks burned and she turned around to the sound of sizzling bacon and her empty bowl.

"Yeah, of course I do! Honestly you say it as if-" she cracked an egg into the bowl, putting the shell to the side. She took another and did the same. "-As if I didn't know the basics of life. Don't tell me you're starting on that too." She told, referring to Braden. She broke another egg into the bowl.

"No!" Jacob said at once, his eyes widening. "I wouldn't do that to you." Somehow the words meant more then what he had intended them to and Tessa had to take a couple deep breaths. To distract herself she turned back to the bowl, hitting the egg harshly over the rim.

The egg could have exploded for all anyone knew. It squirted all over, shocking her as her hand drenched itself in the eggs. Her face pulled into a look of horror.

"Ewwww!" She cried, feeling the cool eggs coat her skin. Laughter erupted around her, making her look up from her painted hand to the boys with doe eyes. Their laughter made her giggle and move her hands around to test the feeling of the stickiness on her skin.

She turned back to Jacob and Jared who were laughing at her clumsiness. Seth and Paul looked at each other and laughed harder, probably remembering how angry they had been just two minutes before.

With mock anger, she took her sticky hands to the closest person and trailed the marble liquid down _Jacob's _chest. Everyone went silent as she marvelled at the feeling of the cool eggs nearly sizzling against his skin. What prompted this? She had of course noticed that he was shirtless - he normally was - but why did she just _have _to touch him? Now she wasn't sure she would be able to pry her hands off of him...

He grabbed her wrist with surprising agility and she felt his hands suddenly become much less warm as her body flooded with a mix of foreign embarrassment, blood rush, and another unrecognizable emotion. It warmed her closer to his temperature and she was sure that it flushed her cheeks. It was like a magnetic pull under her skin and she found herself pulling out of his grip with a shiver.

Braden...

The thought reverberated in her mind, making her hands go numb. She took a shaky breath, sure that everyone was now watching her. She spun around to avoid their eyes, her skin radiating it's embarrassment as she busied herself with the bacon, which was now burnt on one side.

"I'm not a very good chef...I usually got food made for me in Canada." She mumbled to herself, suddenly wanting to hide under a rock. This was the most embarrassing situation she'd ever been in. Honestly, how could things get wo-

A warm hand found it's way to her waist, curving around and rubbing a thumb in rather inviting circles over t-shirt. She found herself shivering again as she looked up to see Jacob standing directly behind her.

"I can help...if you want me to." And though it didn't make sense, though it sounded completely insane, that's all she found she _ever _wanted. A reason to have him closer to her, a reason to get to be with him.

"I'd like that. Very much." She said with a smile and Jacob busied himself with the already burnt bacon and Tessa worked on the scrambled eggs. The entire time he had his hand in the same distracting position, not moving it even as Tessa tried to wriggle awkwardly away. Apparently he liked his hand being there...but did he know what it was doing to her? Could he tell that her cheeks were flushed, or that her heart was racing?

Why was it doing that, anyway?

The only time her heart raced or she felt so giddy and nervous was with Braden. She rarely felt nervous with _him_, she usually felt giddy when he wasn't fussing over her every second, but her heart only raced like this when they kissed. When he let her be passionate...so how was it possible that his simple touch roused feelings in her that her boyfriend did in their most passionate moments?

"You know," Jacob's amused voice sounded from what felt like almost too close to her ear. "You don't have to stir the eggs the _whole _time."

"Shut up." She whispered, moving her hand firmly away from the eggs and silently hoping that they would burn. Jacobs hand slightly tightened it's grip and she jumped a bit.

"I was only joking...would you like me to stop?" Stop _what? _Stop making her blush so harshly that it looked like she was as dark as she used to? Or how about taking a step back so she wasn't engulfed in his smell? Or, how about the most important, taking his hand _off of her._ At least before Braden got there.

_Bad, Tessa. Bad!_

"Uh..." Did she have a brain? "Yeah. Yeah, you probably should." She heard one of those exhales that was almost like a laugh and looked behind her to see him grinning widely.

"Didn't quite sound like an 'I want you to stop', but I'll take it." He removed his hand and she found herself having to close her eyes to concentrate on learning how to breathe without him again. What was he doing to her? How could one person have such an effect on someone else? "You're burning the eggs."

"Sorry." She whispered, taking them off of the element and placing them on the separate plate that Jared had gotten out for her prior to the burnt bacon. Jacob chuckled.

"You don't have to apologize to me. Ever." He added lowly and it made her take a deep breath, trying not to imagine how long 'ever' could be if it involved Jacob Black. She wanted to groan. Why wasn't anyone saving her from this awkward conversation? She looked behind her to see Paul, Seth, and Jared sitting silently playing a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. So, they were purposely trying to leave them alone, was that it?

But of _course _they were! Tessa thought bitterly. Hadn't Paul said just the other day that he wished she wouldn't date Braden, but instead she would be interested in someone like...

...Had he said someone like Jacob?

She cursed herself mentally as she spun around, with surprising grace, and set the plate down in front of the boys. She heard Jacob heave a long sigh behind her before he grabbed the bacon and brought it out for them. She sat between Paul and Seth, Jared and Jacob sitting across the table. As they started reaching for the two plates, Tessa held up her hand.

"Wait!" She cried loudly. The boys looked at her with wide eyes, surprised with how loud she was. Tessa took a piece of the burnt bacon, a piece of the non-burnt bacon and about half a cup of eggs, placing her plate down. She looked at the boys again, still looking at her frozen with their hands towards the food. "Continue."

Tessa decided she would _never _get used to how these boys ate. It was as if they were inhaling the food as it disappeared into the abyss of their mouths, which were reminiscent of the vast outer space area. Her eyes flickered around to Jared, the coolest and most composed of the boys. He was one of those people who you could tell anything to and trust with anything, he was gentle, caring, and at the same time a genuinely fun person. Then there was Seth. The bouncy, energetic, sweetest guy that she knew. He was someone who could make you happy no matter how many clouds were invading your view. He was the one that, while he could annoy you senselessly, he was such a pure and innocent person that you had no choice but to love him. As for Jacob...well, there was no way she could decide anything about him.

And then there was her brother. Her big brother who was _so much _a big brother. He was so protective and only ever wanted the best for her, even if he didn't always know what the best was. He didn't care how to keep her safe, she knew if all it took to save her was for him to jump in front of a bus, he would do it without delay. Her sweet, moody, perfect brother.

Who was stuffing his face like an elephant.

The thought made her smile as she gazed at her untouched food, suddenly it looked extremely unappetizing. She wrinkled her nose animatedly towards it, wondering briefly if the eggs were yet cold.

"Eat something, Esa. You're already too small." Paul said through a mouth full of food. Tessa's eyes blazed on his.

"I'm. Not. Small." She said sternly. "Or hungry."

"So..." Seth said slowly, looking from her to the plate. "You're not going to finish that?" He asked hopefully, looking at the plate as if he were salivating just from the thought of it. She raised her eyebrows, taking the plate and sliding it across the table towards him. "Sweet!" He said loudly before digging in. Jacob reached across the table and hit him over the back of the head.

"She needs to eat, moron."

"I'll be fine...once I go to the park." She added with a hopeful smile towards Paul. He rolled his eyes dramatically, surprisingly he even dropped his fork.

"I'd love to," He started with sarcasm, "but I have to go to work soon..." Tessa's face noticeably fell, her shoulders even slumped a bit.

"Okay." She said quietly, trying to look as if she wasn't that upset, even though her whole body was reacting as if through withdrawal.

"Well," Seth said loudly. "Jake can take you."

"No he c-" Paul began angrily, but Seth raised his eyebrows and spoke a mile a minute to interrupt him.

"Yeah, he totally can. It's Paul and _me_ on shift. Ain't that right Paul?" Paul let out a sort of...growl? Would that be what it's considered? It rumbled deep in his chest and seemed to shake his body.

"But _I_ want to g-"

"I can go with Jake." The words had just slipped out of her mouth! They came so quickly and so effortlessly that she hadn't realized she was saying them until the sentence had earned silence around the table. Jacob's dark eyes snapped to her own and she felt a shiver go through her body, his gaze penetrating all of her understanding. "If...if you want to."

His eyes held no particular emotion. They were masked in whatever it was he was thinking but she could tell that they were as intense as ever. What was he thinking? What was going through his head?

"Yeah, I'll go." His voice was low and raspy, as if his throat were too dry. Esa tried to keep down the excitement that built in her throat, trying to bubble it's way out in a giggle of happiness. Her body was a complete traitor.

"I'll - uh...go get ready." She said, pushing out her chair to go upstairs, even as she stumbled on the leg. Man, he made her nervous. So nervous that she was making up the excuse that she would go get ready. She sighed, she didn't have to do _anything _other than put some shoes on. She was being so stupid.

Walking up the stairs she went into her room, stopping to look at the picture she had brought of herself and Braden. In it, he was holding her hand in a white room with white sheets while she wore a crisp paper gown. Her heart swelled, that had been such a good day. She had been so strong, so happy. She had felt so well...it was the day she had known that it would all get better. It had been the day she knew it would all be okay.

It had also been a lie.

How could it be possible for people to love each other so much even though one is doomed to die? After all, Tessa had basically been diagnosed for death, there was little to no hope. But Braden had never left her side. He had taken her on the most romantic dates while she was somehow still in the hospital, every time she had been allowed out, he had taken her out wherever she wanted to go. He spent as much time with her as she possibly could, was the sweetest person that had ever set eyes on her.

No matter how..._intense _this connection with Jacob Black seemed to be, it was nothing in comparison to what she had with Braden. Braden was her boyfriend, Braden was the one who promised he would be with her through everything. Even if this Black could be a confident, that didn't make him anything more. They had only met because of Paul and _that _was because Braden was sweet enough to bring (and accompany) her back home. Braden was her love.

She looked at herself confidently in the mirror. She ignored the circles under her eyes and the pallor of her skin. She looked past the redness of her cheeks and the bloodshot eyes. All she saw was that confident twinkle in her eyes, the one that had always been so prominent, even in the worst of times.

With a new sense of comfort, she walked back down the stairs surprised to see that Jake had put on a shirt and was waiting by the door. His slightly shaggy hair fell and probably tickled his shoulders. He stood with his hands across his chest and when he heard her coming down the stairs looked up to her.

His eyes were as intense as every, but his face showed a bit of surprise on it...had he expected her to cancel her trip to the park? She smiled at him and she saw him stiffen. It made her lower her eyes, a lot of her confidence suddenly diminished.

"Ready to go?" He asked quietly, Tessa slipped on some bright yellow flip flops to match her neon yellow shirt and smiled a tight, fake smile toward him.

"Yeah. Let's go." He made sure to open the door for her and she tried not to let her cheeks flush because of the small action. By the time he had closed the door behind him, he was intensely looking at her again.

"Do you want me to drive, or do you want to walk?" He asked, taking two steps to catch up to the four she had already taken. That was a really good question. She wasn't feeling herself today, her nerves seemed to be a little shot and she felt like she had a temperature. Maybe it would be better to drive...She didn't want to be too exhausted when she got to the park. And worst case scenario, she would be too tired to come home.

"We might want to drive." She said with a frown. Tessa almost felt guilty. She didn't want to upset him with her condition, so she left out the 'just in case' she had meant to throw in.

"Alright. I brought the Rabbit." He told, walking forward toward the car.

"The Rabbit?" She asked, wondering if it was a strange nickname deemed by someone like Seth. He laughed a bit and shot her a startlingly white smile.

"It's the type of car it is." He explained. "I rebuilt it, basically from scratch." She raised her eyebrows, completely impressed. So the boy had some talent? She argued with herself. Big deal. Braden's car was nicer.

_Braden's car was bought. Not built._ The voice which acted as the Devil's Advocate argued in return.

"Do you know where to go?" He looked at her sceptically and she wished she could have shrunk into a ball. Of _course _he knew where he was going...he'd lived here his whole life too. Smart move. "Sorry, dumb question."

"It's nice to see you actually having some colour though." He told as he opened her door. She closed her eyes, her cheeks must have been flushed.

"Oh?" She asked, not quite sure how to keep the conversation rolling other then that. He smirked.

"Yes. Dark is a good look on you." She smiled. She had been _so _dark and she missed it terribly. She remembered when she was darker then the man in front of her.

"Jake, how old are you?" She asked lightly while he got into the car on his side. He smirked as he put his arm around her chair and began reversing out of the driveway. She felt the warmth from his arm from where she was in the seat. His skin was inches away from her own and she found herself wanting to touch it.

"I'm twenty-three." He answered simply.

"You look older." She said just as simply, concentrating as hard as she could on the road in front of her, trying not to notice that he had not removed his arm from around the chair.

"Like, 'forty-seven' old?" He asked with a smile. She found herself smiling and rolled her eyes.

"No. Like...twenty seven, I guess."

"Well, I'm four years older then you." He laughed. "So respect me."

"Pft. You're a boy. That knocks at least _seven _years off of you mentally." She dared to look at him and noticed that his face had taken on a more animated look of shock.

"Well, would you ever date someone younger?" The question made her nervous, she didn't like thinking about dating anyone other then Braden. He must have noticed because he let out an awkward laugh. "That'd be weird, huh? Since, you know, they might still be in high school and all that."

"Did you ever think of going to college?" She asked, trying to learn more about him. He shrugged his giant shoulders.

"Not really. I mean, I'm not that good at anything other then work." She furrowed her eyebrows.

"What do you do?"

"The same thing that Paul does." He said vaguely. When he turned to see she wasn't satisfied, he rummaged through his brain for another cryptic answer. "You could think of me as a body guard."

"A body guard? Like a bouncer?" She had the image go through his head of him wearing thick sunglasses at a nightclub, wearing all black, his head bobbing to the music ever so slightly. It made her smile.

"Nah, not quite." He chuckled. "I make sure jerks stay away from pretty girls like you." She tried not to blush, trying to understand his job more as a distraction from the compliment.

"Jerks?" She asked. He looked back to the road, almost a little flustered with her persistence.

"Alright, you're right. Let's call them 'assholes'." This made her laugh loudly and a huge grin spread across Jacob's face.

"Where do these assholes come from?" She asked through her laughter. Jacob smirked a bit.

"Around the 'hell' area. One brought me back a t-shirt." He winked.

"And yet you never wear it. Never wear one at all, actually." Tessa added as an afterthought.

"Hey! Is this just a giant necklace?" He asked running his hands across the chest of his t-shirt. Tessa found that she had trouble not staring at where his hand moved. She tried to remember how to speak.

"How-uh, how many assholes are there out in the La Push area?"

"They come around every now and again." He shrugged, but his eyes were suddenly harsh on the road. "That's why we've doubled up shifts."

"Oh so there's an asshole around, eh?" She asked. He grinned at her Canadian term but took his arm from around the back of the seat. She watched the movement curiously, why did he feel the need to take his arm away? Why did she even mind, nevertheless notice?

"Yeah. Don't worry, I'll keep you safe." It certainly didn't feel like it the way you took your arm away, she thought with a frown. They were quiet the rest of the way to the park, not really sure what else was supposed to be said. Tessa wasn't sure whether she should start the conversation she wanted to have most, it felt kind of selfish if she just rushed into it. A conversation shouldn't always revolve around one person, after all she wanted to know everything there was about this Jacob Black - maybe afterwards she could start the conversation about herself?

When they parked at the park, Jacob insisted on helping Tessa not only out of the car, but over the tripping tree as well. His skin burned against her own and she found her heart racing as he took her hand and even offered to lift her. She declined, thinking drastically about how she only let _Braden _piggy-back her.

He started walking her towards the swings and she looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"How'd you know I like the swings?" The question seemed to make him uncomfortable, so he just looked ahead to avoid her eyes.

"Paul told me." She felt the urge to growl like she had heard the boys do.

"What else has Paul told you?" She asked with gritted teeth. Jacob ended up looking at her with amused eyes. Was her anger _actually _that funny?

"Uh..." He paused. "Paul and I have trouble keeping things from each other.''

"So you know _what_ exactly?" She asked suspiciously. Jake was really trying to avoid her eyes as he thought of his response. His eyes roamed the swings in front of them and he didn't answer as she sat on a swing. She wrapped her hands around the chains tightly, worried about his answer. She felt his warm hands wrap around her own and made sure to bow her head so her long hair covered her crimson cheeks.

"I know that you're not feeling well today." He said factually. Tessa raised her eyebrows, he was an observant one. Part of her wanted to move her hands, but part of them liked how warm he was making her. Besides, why was she hiding her face now? This was the conversation she had been waiting for all night.

"Does it show that much? I mean honestly, I don't look _horrible _do I?" She managed in a light hearted tone. Jacob chuckled.

"You could be blue skinned and you would still be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Jacob muttered and Tessa wasn't sure if he had meant for her to hear it, she did have great hearing.

"I'm not beautiful." She said at once, her tone just as low as his. She wondered if he would hear her. He didn't let her down, of course, as he tightened his grip on her hands.

"You're gorgeous." He said sternly, as if by ordering it she would have accepted it. She snorted, looking over towards the big tree, trying to distract herself by looking for the boy in it. She was of course disappointed, there was no one there but them. She couldn't hear anyone or see anyone, which usually meant she was safe. Jacob took this silence as another denial and he squeezed her hands again. "You're perfect."

"I'm not perfect. And I'm not gorgeous. You can't _be _gorgeous when you're like me." She heard a rush of air from behind her and knew that Jake was worried about the conversation they were about to have. The conversation that had to be had.

"You don't have to be good to be perfect." He said and Tessa screwed up her eyebrows, knowing that the sentence didn't make sense.

"You have to be pretty and I can't be pretty." She said stubbornly.

"What couldn't be pretty about you?" He asked warily, unsure if he wanted to know the answer or not. But this was what she had been waiting for and she didn't hesitate to say her thoughts aloud to him.

"I'm wearing a wig, Jake." She said blatantly. He sighed rather audibly from behind her and came and sat on the swing beside her. He wrapped his own hands firmly around the chains, his knuckles growing pale under the pressure. He bowed his head as well, not sure if she wanted him to look at her now that she had admitted something so personal.

"I know."

"You knew?" She asked in shock. It was a good wig, it was made so that people _wouldn't _know.

"Yeah. I pieced it all together." He muttered. "It looks good."

"It _was _my hair." She said quietly, fingering the long, dry hair. "When we found out that I would need chemo as a kid, my Dad cut it off to keep it. He didn't want it to thin and stuff. Thought I'd be less embarrassed that way. When I met Braden, he made it into a wig for me. I was always too horrified to talk to him without hair."

"Where did you meet Braden?" Jacob asked, his throat tight.

"In the cancer ward." She said slowly. "He had a tumour in his intestine. It was a simple fix, but lots of hospital time." She flashed back to moments when they asked to be in beds beside each other. They had gotten in so much trouble for constantly talking throughout the night. The nurses would try to keep them quiet, but every time they came in they would pretend to sleep. When the nurses would leave they would talk again...it was where they fell in love.

"What do _you _have?" Jacob asked, ripping her from her reverie. She wrinkled her nose, remembering the toxic sounding name.

"'Acute Myelogenous Leukemia'." She quoted, trying to sound like the doctor who had told her as a child. She was sure that he probably didn't sound as demonic or vicious as she remembered, but all she could think of was a monster. The monster who ruined her life.

"Leukemia." He repeated quietly, tasting the word and a look of pain crossed his features. She watched as his eyes welled. "That's really bad, isn't it?"

"You already know the answer to that." She responded, thinking back to that night on the beach. "It's bad."

"What are the chances of survival?" He asked, light shining behind his watery eyes. She looked away from them, she hated seeing people's eyes filled with hope for her. They would be disappointed.

"It's 40% after five years. Every year after it goes down more."

"That's not bad though. That's still a fairly...well, it's not...it could be worse." He fumbled, looking at her to give her comfort. She smiled.

"Thanks Jake, but you forget I've been diagnosed with this for nine years." He winced. He knew how much that must have lowered the survival rate. He looked forward towards where she had been looking in the tree, as if he expected to see someone there too. That or some sort of answer.

"So, _Leukemia._" He spit the word as if it were venomous. "What exactly _is _it?"

"Hm, how to-well, this is how the doctor explained it to me when I was ten." She told looking up to the sky to search for the memory. "Basically, my body doesn't want to help me anymore. So anything strenuous or anything that would normally exhaust it hurts me. So when I walk to far I lose my breath. When I get hit, I bruise really bad. I bleed to much from a cut, I get random cuts from the smallest amount of pressure. I'm always sick. My body just can't...fight anymore."

"But it _has _to." He told, his voice basically pleading with her. "You can't just give up!"

"Jacob, it's been _nine years. _I can't do it anymore. That's why I'm not on the treatments." He stood up and walked in front of her, going onto his knees and wrapping his hands around hers again. He looked into her eyes, she briefly noticed he was just shorter then her even when she was so highly propped up. Steroids. Gotta be the 'roids.

"But what if it worked? What if you _did _become cured?" He asked, his voice a groan of fighting a losing battle. Tessa shrugged her shoulders, wishing she could look away from his eyes but they were so passionate about the subject it felt like she was being reeled in.

"I've given up on hope and miracles. Fairytales don't exist." She muttered quietly. "I have even given up on my list."

"Your list?" He asked, his eyes shining in confusion...or were they unshed tears? How could this boy she barely knew be so moved by the fact she was going to die? It wasn't like he was really losing anything. But something in the dark recesses of her mind told her that she was wrong. Told her that she would miss him.

"My list of things to do before I die." She said quietly. "Some of them are stupid...the Doctors made me write it out when I was ten. Something to have me fight for and look forward to. It was something I talked about all the time. All my free time was spent fantasizing all the ways I could make it all happen, but I never did any of it. Now I'm too tired to put in the time."

"Don't talk like that." He told, tightening the grip on her hands and she almost cried out. The boy was strong and though she was sure he didn't mean to hurt her, she was much more weak and fragile then his other friends were. Especially all the giant ones.

"I can't help it." She told, lowering her gaze to her lap. "Sorry to be such-"

"Where's the list?" She looked up at him through her long locks, sceptically.

"Why do you want to know?" She asked slowly and suspiciously. He did not hide his reasoning with some of his famous cryptic answers.

"I want to help you live them. Give you something to fight for again." The words were sweet but even so they made her snort.

"That won't work."

"You can't say that, you don't know." He argued, his hands going to rest on her knees. She liked that he was warming her legs, even though she could tell she had a fever. He didn't seem as scalding as normal.

"I don't have time_._" She altered. He winced, looking as if he had just been punched hard in the stomach. "I don't want to waste my time with stupid kiddie things that I thought were important. Now that I'm dying, I get that the most important things are friends and family." Jacob was shaking his head by the end, but he didn't argue. She knew she had one, because it was true. The most important thing in life were the people that engulfed it. They were what defined you, what kept you sane, what kept you real. He shook his head, mostly in denial of her previous words, but not the fact she was right. He took a deep breath and tried again.

"What was on the list?" She closed her eyes and felt herself snort. When she opened them he was looking up at her with a blank expression on his face.

"You're not going to give up on this, are you?" She asked, the grin unable to be wiped from her face. Jacob pursed his lips and shook his head, trying to hide his own impish grin.

"Nope."

"I don't remember _everything _on it..." She lied. She knew the list off by heart. It was burnt into her memory, all her desires from childhood and even most of them now. She hadn't accomplished many. "I know there were twelve...they were really random." She blushed. "Kids stuff."

"Kids have the best imaginations." He told smartly. She rolled her eyes.

"They're stupid."

"They're hopeful." He corrected. She snorted again, shuffling her feet in the sand. She looked back up to him, catching his determined and ever-intense stare. She searched his eyes for the answer as to why he cared so much. She couldn't bring herself to ask it aloud. It sounded too abstract. It sounded too... well it sounded like something someone with a boyfriend shouldn't do.

"I'll get it for you, it's at home." She told, shuffling her weight to her feet so she could stand up but Jacob stood up and put his hands on her shoulders.

"No, not yet." He said slowly. "Let's stay here for longer."

"You want to stay and swing with me?" She asked curiously. Maybe he didn't realize that she could swing for hours if she had the energy and she wanted to. But right now, she wasn't sure she had the energy to pump her legs...she just wanted to bluff and see what would happen.

"More then you know." He told, going behind her and saving her the trouble of pumping her legs. He pushed her on the swing in silence for so long that she lost the thoughts of sickness and the thoughts of death, but rather just thought of the life she currently had. It was certainly interesting and jammed packed, full of steroid giants, random emotions and spontaneity. She had such a strange life. She looked back to see the beautiful man behind her smile. And even though she was still sick...

...She had to say it was a good one.

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**Awww so wasn't it kinda cute? Even though it was depressing, it was cute, eh? Yeah, I'm Canadian, don't diss it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.**

_**PLEASE REVIEW**_

**Thank you everyone!**

**--Egypt**


	5. Listing

**So, this is a shorter update then normal (for this story), but it's packed with goodness. I am hoping that people who read **Howl to the Sky **and **Forgetting Franki **have started to read this, as I know it's less popular. I know it has a slower start, but I really think this has the potential of being a really good story in about...oh...two chapters when the big twist comes out. Just as a hint. And as a favour, would you like to tell people about this story? Or **_**any **_**of my stories? Because I know **_**I **_**would like you to. **

**Special thank you's go out to **Angel of the Night Watchers**, **Gryffindor Gurl2**, and **Sugar-Ice **for their reviews! This story is dedicated to you, thank you so much :)**

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Tessa and Jacob tried to keep their thoughts straight as he drove her from the park back to Paul's house...well _her _house, but the whole time all she could feel was annoyed. She had gotten in a little bit too deep and she knew that she did not want to show him her list.

Her list had 12 desires on it: most of them were childish and for a normal person, most were probably easily accomplished. And that made them a lot more embarrassing, that they were so easy, childish and yet impossible. In the end, it made sense - her leukemia made her weak. She couldn't be like other people. No matter how strong her ambition had once been.

When the two pulled into the drive way they were both silent. He took the key out of the ignition and the car jerked a little while he turned to look at her. He was _far _too big for this car. Why couldn't he have reconstructed a minivan or a monster truck? His eyes intensely gazed at her even though she was still looking towards the window, it unnerved her. Especially because for some reason she kind of expected it.

"Are you hungry? Tired? Do you need me to do anything?" He asked after a long moment of staring. Part of her, a small part, sighed in relief that the awkward silence had at least been put to an end. A bigger part of her, however, became extremely hyper sensitive. Was it anger? Annoyance? Worry that he would become like Braden? Because if he did, she wouldn't be able to talk to him like she craved to. And he was her outlet.

"The freak-out thing is supposed to be my boyfriends job. I'm already weirded out by whatever this relationship of ours is..." She began, trying to speak though her jaw was clenched firmly. He looked kind of surprised, by her words or tone she couldn't tell at first.

"You think we have a relationship?" He asked slowly, a smirk grew over his face with each word. She scoffed, rolling her eyes a bit trying to show that she wasn't really effected by what he said, but on the inside she felt herself squirming. This was not a good situation for a girl with a serious boyfriend to be in.

"I daresay you sound _happy _I just made that slip-up..." She asked slowly and sceptically, trying to keep her tone just as playful yet severe. He had to realize that this was a bad idea. That she was Braden's and it would never happen. He had to realize what she was alluding to, didn't he?

"I've been trying not to get my hopes up." He admitted softly. Ah, so he did realize, she thought exasperatedly, he just didn't really care. She shook her head, pulling on the handle and getting out of the car.

"Good. I'm taken." She grumbled, when she looked to where his door was he was surprisingly already leaning on the frame, gazing at her. How was he so fast? "Besides, I barely know you." She added, thinking about how things like that came to a surprise and how the reason for that was that she had only known this boy for a week or so.

"Doesn't stop you from confiding in me." He smirked. She found herself feel a deep pain in her chest and knew it was guilt. Something that was no foreign emotion to her anymore. She was using Jake. He was her release and he minded hearing all her gory perceptions on death. She found herself shrugging, trying to make it sound as decent and monotone as possible.

"Somebody has to take the bullet."

"Doesn't stop you from showing me this _list..._" He pried, shaking the subject of how he was being used like an old rag. She sighed, half hoping that he would have forgotten like she had for a moment. No such luck.

"Listen, it's all stupid kids stuff. Are you s-"

"Sure, sure." He rolled his eyes dramatically, pushing himself off the frame of his

Rabbit and held his hand out for her to take. "Let _me _be the judge of that."

She looked at his hand as if it were the water under the bridge. The bridge that she was standing on waiting to jump. That hand was _dangerous. _If she took it, which for some reason she _wanted to, _she would be throwing Braden off. If she didn't take it, Jacob may be offended. I mean, holding hands didn't always have to be romantic, did it? She'd held a couple peoples hands before...it was possible, wasn't it?

She found herself taking a deep breath and taking his hand, which was really warm, but not searingly hot like normal. He looked at them with a smile, even if his brow was slightly creased. He looked at their hands for a _long _time before he followed her upstairs. She tried to make as little sound as possible, trying not to alert anyone who may be in the house over this obvious show of deception. Holding hands. It felt...well, it doesn't matter how it _felt, _it _was _wrong.

She couldn't hear her own footsteps, but she could hear his heavier footfalls behind her. She noticed that he tended to drag his feet a little bit - exhaustion? Or was it the fact he was nervous going into her room - like she was? Or, besides that, could it even be that he wanted to hold her hand longer? She asked herself a couple times, hoping that it would be a simple answer the more she asked. After it she found that she still wasn't quite sure.

As she entered her room and looked behind her to gage his reaction, she noticed him looking around before he raised his eyebrows, looking at the orange walls, the sunset comforter, the stuffed animals and pictures lining the walls...

"I've stumbled in here once or twice before. But now that I know you, I'm surprised the room isn't darker. A blue or purple colour." He thought aloud, his eyes still scraping across the room as he spoke. She scoffed at him, releasing his hands as she went and fell on the bed. Her bed was much too soft to do this, she found she automatically wanted to curl up and sleep, even though she had just argued she didn't need to. He came and sat on the edge of the bed as if it were the natural thing to do. She sat up on her elbows.

"Excuse _me_? I used to be a very orange type of person before I got sick. I could do front flips, back flips, aerials, handstands, you name it. Besides, I may have even been stronger than you." She smiled, poking at his chest. Oh, she didn't like that she had done that. She shouldn't have. All she could now think of was the sizzling eggs and how she had run her hands over his chest...how maybe she should try it again to see if it felt any different under a shirt or now that it was dry.... She didn't notice as he rolled his eyes again. She was occupied looking somewhere else in a probably very _awkward _way.

"Sure, sure." His husky, warm voice brought her eyes back to his face. She shook her head a bit to remember the conversation.

"It's true. I'm stating fact."

"You're _stalling._" He corrected lightly, he kept a smile on his face the whole time. "Find this list of yours or _I will_." The threat over her invasion of privacy worked it's magic and she got off her bed without even groaning. She made it over to her suitcase and dug within it. She was still unpacked for the most part, only going in to get what she needed and then putting it away after it was used. She was far too lazy to unpack the proper way. After digging for a couple seconds, she pulled out a pale, ivory jewellery box. On the front of it, in tattered gold paint were the words '_my angel_'.

She placed it as gently as a feather on the comforter, taking her left hand and putting it on the latch while her right hand suddenly resembled a cobra at the opening. When her left hand opened it her right grabbed the folded up list, making sure he couldn't hear the private song that it sang, and see any of her more private memories before she slapped it shut again. She liked the sound of it closing. Like piano keys without sound.

"What else is in that thing?" He asked curiously, looking at the exterior of her jewellery box from a few other angles as if the top were made of glass.

"Stuff." She muttered quietly. "I just didn't want you to hear the song."

She took the list and unfolded it gently. It had been done in yellow construction paper, each goal was in a different colour of pencil crayon. She gazed over it slowly - even though she had it memorized - and handed it to him, hoping he would be able to read her 11 year old printing. At least she was old enough to know how to spell decently, sadly it wasn't cute like a six year old who did letters backwards.

He gazed over it for a long time, a sad smile on his face as he took in each of her girly desires. He was rigid and the hand that wasn't holding the paper was balled into a fist. He shook a bit and thought maybe she should drop her eyes, to give him a bit of privacy, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She watched his eyes scan over each goal, remembering which one and watching for any minute reaction from him.

#14. Be the best at something

#13. Get over my fears

#12. Get Married

#11. Go Camping

#10. Pick out 14 constellations in the sky

#9. Watch a sunset and stay up so late I can see the sunrise

#8. Ride a train

#7. Ride an airplane

#6. Learn how to drive

#5. Ride a Motorcycle

#4. Learn how to dance with a partner

#3. Get back into Gymnastics!  
#2. Travel the World  
#1. Live

"Can I keep this?" He asked, his voice extra husky - and appealing - after the long silence of assessing the list. Her eyes widened slightly as she snatched back the thick paper.

"No! I can't let this thing out of my sight it's-"

"-More important to you then just some silly childhood dreams?" He taunted with a knowing smile. She blushed deeply, her face going thickly red, which made him chuckle a bit. He looked back to the bright paper again, which had a corner firmly being crumpled in her hand. He sighed loudly. "Fine, can I at least copy it down?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"If you show anyone - and I mean _anyone _-" She began, but he cut her off by grabbing the paper from her with a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, you'll kill me. I get it."

She felt like she was searching through a jungle for a specific type of plant as she looked amongst her things for writing utensils. Where the hell could they be?!

When she finally found something that he could write with, after a good three minutes of quiet cursing, she gave it to him and watched as his writing - even messier then her 11 year old scrawl - copied down the list word for word. When he was finished, he kept the pen on the page.

"Now," he said loudly, breaking yet another silence. Tessa wondered how many of them had been awkward? Not _that _many, she was sure. "Which ones have you already done? No - never mind. I'm going to redo _those _ones. I'm going to do them _all._" He told, holding up his hand as if to stop any interruptions to his thought process.

"Not all." She muttered quietly. "You can't make all of them happen. Some take allot of time. It's impossible." But Jacob shook his head, shrugging a bit as he gazed fiercely at her.

"I already said _all, _Tessa."

***

Tessa and Jacob found themselves sat in the kitchen, having not moved since he had made them food - grilled cheese, the only thing he said he could make. They really were a pair, between them they could make grilled cheese and eggs. A talented two, weren't they?

She felt delighted as she felt cool hands blur her vision, but she could not feel so pleased as those same cool hands ruthlessly began to tickle her. She found herself screaming her protest through tears of laughter, even pleading out for Jake to help. Jake's eyes were not as impressed at first by the torture, but there was some part of him that seemed to get some sick amusement out of watching her laugh and cry as she struggled to get away.

When she was finally set free she turned around immediately jumping into the long and familiar arms of Braden, who smiled and kissed the top of her head. She leaned back so she could get a good look into his beautiful blue-green eyes and smiled up at him.

"How was your trip?" She asked happily, smiling a very childlike yet excited smile. He smiled right back.

"Why? Did you miss me?"

"Nope. Not at all." She smirked at him, hoping that she had just lied. Jacob may have been interesting and had interesting thoughts or ideas, but that shouldn't stop her from missing her boyfriend when he was gone. Then again, she really didn't want to give herself the opportunity to judge the feelings any more then that. She was afraid of what she might find.

"You didn't miss _anything?_" He pouted mockingly. She sighed melodramatically while feeling a little better knowing that she _had _missed him at a couple points. She threw her head back and then forward as if it were limp before sighing.

"_Maybe _I missed the way you showered me in attention." She offered to him as if it were something she had scrounged to think of. He raised his eyebrows.

"And affection." He added, touching his nose to hers. She giggled.

"_And _affection." She agreed.

"And kisses." He leaned forward, beginning on said kisses as he went for her neck.

"Those too." When his cool lips finally _did _reach her neck, a shiver traveled down her spine that made her gasp. After she gasped - she giggled, trying to cover it up, but sounds interrupted her. At the same time that Braden stopped kissing her and looked at her with those concerned eyes of his, Jacob's chair had screeched against the linoleum tile as he stood abruptly.

It took her a moment to know who she was supposed to pay attention to. Both boys were looking at her with wide eyes: Jake's eyes slightly narrowed, trying not to take his eyes of her though every few seconds he would glare at Braden while he shook a bit. Had she offended him in some way? This affection shouldn't be abnormal, they were a touchy-feely couple. She turned her eyes to Braden who was looking at her with concerned and exasperated eyes before he shook his head.

"What'd I do?" She asked innocently, slightly worried that both boys were so attentive.

"Tessa, you're burning up." Braden grumbled. "You need to take your medication _now._" She pushed all thoughts of Jacob aside as she pouted, sighing loudly.

"But I feel fine-"

"Tessa, I let you get away with so much, but a fever over 104 will give you brain damage. You _know _that. You _have _to be really close to 104. Even if you just take some _Tylenol _I'd be-"

"Done deal. Tylenol it is!" She announced loudly so he couldn't go back on his words. She jumped down off the chair she had been standing on to hug him and looked up to him, annoyed he was so tall. Her neck seemed to be getting used to it, though. It was getting less and less difficult.

"And a nap with a cold cloth on your head." He added. She rolled her eyes, knowing she would do it but annoyed that he was allowed to add things like that. "Jake, will you get one please?" He asked, turning his eyes over her shoulder. She pouted and couldn't bring herself to look at the exchange between the two men in the room. She could feel the intense amount of awkwardness through the room.

"I have something better: an old wives tail that actually _works._ Lay her down." Jacob told, turning around for the refrigerator. Tessa's eyes narrowed in protest.

"No way! I'm not tired yet, I want to stay up and talk to y-"

"Tessa. Lay. Down. Now." Jacob hissed, each word a separate command. Her eyes widened but she listened, quickly making her way to the couch. Braden put the TV on for her and sat down on the couch beside her. She curled up onto his lap and was surprised how cold his hands were when he placed them on her head. Another fever, oh great. Luck be a lady.

Jacob appeared soon after she had curled up and gotten relaxed with multiple soaked cloths in his hands. She looked at him with confused eyes. "Cold milk. You put it on your pulse points and your temperature should cool in like - 5 minutes." He explained, she raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"Really? Why don't doctors use it then?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Because they like to play with chemicals?" He asked back with a smirk. "Lay back down. This'll be _really _cold."

He placed one on her forehead and as soon as it touched her skin she gasped and let out a cry. It was _freezing! _She felt tears well up in her eyes just from the difference in temperature before she felt him put one on her neck. She let out a curse quietly that made him chuckle before he put two on her wrists. Her whole body started to tremble from the cold, her teeth chattered.

"You're a cruel torture artist, Jacob Black." She hissed through her teeth even though they violently chattered and made the words choppy. He laughed.

"Only for you. Give it a few minutes and you'll be as right as rain."

"That's saying something for La Push." She moaned, her teeth relentlessly trying to slice off her tongue. Both boys chuckled, looking to the window to show that it was, in fact, raining. Jacob sat down and she moved her legs for him, but he grabbed them with a frown and put them back on his lap, warming her toes for her. A boy touching her feet...strange...

She couldn't explain why but she had a strange sense of completion here on this couch. With Braden brushing his fingers over her cheeks every twenty seconds and Jacob feeling her legs gently as she rested them on his own, there was a feeling of being whole. At first she noticed she was very close to Jacob's unnaturally searing temperature but after laying in the calm boys laps with their alternate temperatures, she started to cool down and almost drift off.

"You've cooled down. I can't believe that worked." Braden smiled, relieved as he placed a larger portion of his hand on her cheek. He was right, she wasn't nearly as warm. It made Jacob that much warmer, which was very comfortable.

"A little faith please. I wouldn't waste her time." Jacob bit back. Tessa opened her eyes and noticed somehow the room felt brighter. Damn having her eyes closed for so long. It made her head hurt.

"No fighting. Use that energy to take the ice off me."

"You mean milk?" Jacob asked.

"No. I mean ice. It's cold. _I'm _cold. I feel like a vampire." She shivered. She closed her eyes, the cold was starting to become painful. She wanted to plead them to take it off, but Jacob was already starting making quick work of it all.

"Stop talking in _Scary Movie_." Braden laughed, referring to her movie preference as a language. So I like blood, gore, and thriller: sue me, she wanted to say but she liked the fact Jacob was touching his hands to every part of her that had been a little too cool.

"Trust me." Jacob muttered softly. "You're not even _close _to being a vampire." She opened her mouth, running her tongue across her teeth and taking extra time on her canines. She stopped when she noticed his attention was a little to contented on where her tongue ran. She closed her mouth and bit her lips, but he still stared. She turned her head in Braden's lap so she could look towards the television and not have to look at Jacob, but she was very aware he was there. She could feel his warmth all up her legs, she could feel his hands on her skin.

Eventually she was so comfortable that she started to fall asleep - now warmed by the boys she was draped over- and she felt happy again. Especially as she heard multiple voices outside of the house. She smiled in her nearly dream-like state.

"Paul is home." She muttered, but since her mouth wouldn't move out of that near-sleep-state, it sounded more like "Palindrome" with a couple more slurs.

Jacob got up and it was not so graceful. He did it very quickly so he could go open the door, probably to get them out from the rain. Esa had a moment of disappointment since he was no longer on the couch with her, this left her cold. Had she not been so tired she would have shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts and smiled, inhaling Braden's scent and Tessa felt herself snuggle closer to him. She sighed, moving so that could warm her. She did this until she realized that he wouldn't be able to give the same effect.

She heard the door open and before the multiple people stepped in, Jake's voice rang through the house. It was loud, authoritative and shocking. Something that she had never heard him do. He was shier to her normally, she was not used to this severity.

"I need to talk to you."

She heard her brother shuffle, sighing really loudly. He always had been one to complain, kind of like her. She just had learned to do it in jest. It made people be less upset with her, even if half the time she wasn't really joking. "Can't it w-"

"No." Jacob's voice was so firm that it made her eyes open albeit through drowsiness to look at him. She saw that he and Paul were having some form of hidden conversation through their intense, fixed staring. He wasn't about to show Paul the list, was he? She thought nervously. It was bad enough that _he _wanted to freeze his life to continue hers, but she hoped he wouldn't involve her brother too. Or was he about to tell Paul about what was said at the park? Or was he even going to tell him that she was _currently _feeling ill? God, she hoped not. She didn't want to make things any more complicated and she didn't want to do any more bullshitting to get her way. She watched the two have their silent exchange, she saw that Paul got the point and moved to go outside.

Seth and Jared walked into the room, both dragging their feet. Jared made it to the lazy-boy first and collapsed into it as if he were crumpling into his own bed. He was snoring before Seth could even complain that he had no where to sit. He sighed, looking around the room before he caught Esa's eyes. He smiled at her.

"You look cold, Tessie." He observed, leaning down so he could sit on the ground. She grumbled.

"Mhm. _Freezing. _So come bring your Godly body heat over here and warm me up. I want it instant fire-and-brimstone worthy!" He laughed aloud, shrugging his shoulders animatedly.

"_Done and done_." He smiled, he didn't wait a moment before taking Jake's spot at her feet, instantly rubbing his hands - much faster and a bit more rough - over her bare shins. "But to warn you - sulphur smells _really _bad."

"In trade for warmth? I'll take it." She smiled, she was about to make a crack about his own smell, but the loud sound from outside the window drowned out her thoughts

"_What are you saying?_" Both Tessa and Seth listened with perked ears to Paul's angry voice outside of the house. She couldn't hear what had made him ask the question, but it was clear that he was very upset. His voice almost sounded like a snarl. "This isn't a fucking joke, Jake."

"I know! I'm telling you exactly how it was, so stop trying to blame me!" Jake yelled back defensively. There was a sound outside the window that she couldn't place, something that sounded inhuman, something that sounded angry. But even as she went through all the irrational thoughts of what it could have been, it was unlike anything her sensitive ears had ever heard before.

"Are you sure?" Paul asked menacingly. She listened for Jacob's response but there was only silence until Paul hissed: "Woods. Now."

Tessa wanted to listen, but if they were going to the woods, she wouldn't be able to hear anyway. She didn't really like the fact that they were going into the forest, after all she could only ever remember being told that it was dangerous in there. Then again, she had been very young when these memories ensued. Maybe they were just afraid that they would have lost her.

After she didn't hear anything else from the two of them other then foliage rustling, she let herself relax to the sounds of football on the television. Braden was trying, with increasing difficulty, not to show how interested he was in the game because he usually got too into it for her to sleep in his lap. She smiled at him, thanking him silently with her eyes.

_Selfish, Esa-Rosa, Selfish, _she scolded herself.

The beautiful boy above her smiled back, a warm smile that made her wonder how she could ever have any thought with someone like Jacob Black. Jake _was _beautiful, and he _was _amazing, but Braden loved her. Braden was the thing which kept her sane. He and Paul were the reason she fought. He was he one who made everything possible. He was the one who had given up everything to be with her.

And he was here. With her. Like he would always be. With that thought, Tessa let her eyes close and within a minute she was deep in sleep.

**-----------------------------------------------**

**Ooooo! Jacob/Braden drama...so, Braden's starting to catch on to Jacob's crush, is he? Oh little does he know what's about to happen...little do YOU know what's about to happen! **

**So, please review and I will go into detail about what Jacob was telling Paul. Oh trust me, you're going to love it! **

**PLEASE review and please pass this story along. It will work out and get even more exciting I swear! **

**--Egypt**


	6. Overbearing

**Warning. This chapter is mostly filler and hidden riddles. It may be somewhat long and exhausting, but I added in some cuteness to make it all better. Next one should be mighty exciting. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns Jacob Black, but I own Braden. And Tessa. Who kinda owns both of them. SO WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?**

**-----------------------------------------**

Everyone was behaving strangely, or at least more strangely than normal. Tessa couldn't help but notice and couldn't deny that she was glad when Braden asked about it: at least now she knew that she wasn't just being overly sensitive.

After all it must have been obvious to everyone. She'd get a paper cut: Paul would freak. She'd say she was hungry: Jared would make her a feast. She'd say she was tired: Someone would constantly check on her as she slept. She'd say she felt off - not even _sick_: An army of men would barge in, each trying to make sure they got in abstract words. She never understood their random words of comfort, even though it sounded like they also realized how doomed she was.

She couldn't help but wonder where this all was stemming from, was it because she showed Jake the list? Was this everyone panicking as they started to realize that she also knew she was soon to die? Either way, Braden was not taking the situation as seriously, nor did he find it as puzzling as she, but she could notice that he did not like the attention she was receiving from one man in general.

Jacob Black could not leave her alone. If she went upstairs to grab something, he'd be at the bottom of the stairs, pretending to look at pictures. If she would relax in front of the television, he would wedge himself on the couch with her and Braden...The worst part was that she couldn't really find it in herself to be _mad _about this. Yes, she was acutely aware that Braden was upset by it, but she couldn't deny that she liked having Jake around.

Besides that, Tessa was secretly ecstatic that he had not mentioned her list in the past week, as she knew whenever Jacob was around her then Braden would try to make sure that he was too. But even when Braden started work, Jake wouldn't comment on it. She knew he was scheming somehow. But good anyway. Braden didn't need to know she'd let him copy it...after all, she had only let Braden _see _it. Once. Ever.

"_ESA-ROSA!_" The yell was distant and probably not as loud as she heard...or even imagined it, but it woke her from her soft dozing all the same. It was Paul. And Paul was angry. This worried her, after all he rarely ever got mad with her. She heard someone, really it could have been any of the boys, scolding him with their low, growly tones.

"What?" She croaked, her voice laced with sleep. She doubted that anyone could have heard her, but as she was clearing her throat to yell again, Paul's vicious voice sounded.

"Phone." It was short, angry, and final. There was only one person who could have made Paul so angry by calling for her. Her eyes widened, hoping she could avoid more drama if she got downstairs faster.

"Coming!" She threw on one of Braden's sweatshirts over her tank top and shorts, taking a literal second to appreciate how it fit her like a short dress and took in his smell. Okay, it wasn't so much _his _smell, but it was the smell of his shampoo left in the hood, his cologne left on the neck and chest, his deodorant left in the sleeves...

She took a deep breath and felt her nerves calm themselves.

_Braden._

She made her way down the stairs and tripped near the bottom steps, sliding down the last two. She took a deep breath and straightened herself, trying not to look embarrassed as she noticed Embry, Jacob, Seth, and Jared look at her with raised eyebrows and half-hidden smiles.

"Shut up. Who let me sleep in?" She mumbled, trying to get the attention off of her tripping as quickly as possible. Luckily they took the bait and she tried not to show how relieved she was, even though she was sure the colour on her face probably made it noticeable enough in itself.

"Braden wanted you to sleep in. Paul tried to get you up for breakfast and you should have seen it, Jake nearly bit his head off!" Seth laughed loudly. It was quieted almost instantly as Jake smacked him hard on the back of the head. He moaned and whined briefly as everyone laughed at him. Apparently, Jacob was not impressed with this news.

"Thanks." She told him softly with a smile, only to receive a much more enthusiastic one in return.

"Esa. I said '_phone_'_._" Paul's voice made her jump with wide eyes as she caught her breath. It was deep and like a growl. Another low growl, disturbingly bestial, ripped from the living room behind her, but she couldn't spin around fast enough to see where it had come from.

"Shut up, Jake." That was Jacob? She thought with a shiver. It sounded much too vicious to have come from someone so beautiful..._Stop it, Tessa._

"It's okay guys. I've got it." She said quietly, making sure she got out of the room before she got startled - or tripped - again. She walked into the kitchen, knowing who was on the phone before she took it from Paul. She was wonderfully surprised that the phone wasn't broken as she pried his death grip from around it.

"Hello?"

"How are you my angel?" She turned away as she smiled, feeling Paul's harsh assessment of her and not wanting him to see how happy she was that he was calling. He would consider it blasphemous.

"Hi Daddy."

Long ago, Paul had a falling out with their father. It was many years prior, when their father had asked their mother for a divorce, saying that he was in love with someone else. It had torn the family apart and since Paul was then the 'man of the house' he took it upon himself to protect them. They had gotten into a fight and haven't seen each other ever since. They had tried taking at the beginning of Tessa's sickness...it didn't work out well. Usually it ended with screaming and the phone being ripped away from her father's hands as she yelled at both of them that she wasn't in the mood to hear it.

"How is everything?"

"Good. I missed it here." She breathed with a smile, wanting to show Paul how genuine it was, but knowing that he was probably still letting off steam by having to hear their fathers voice.

"How is Marla?" Tessa winced, deciding it that it was most likely necessary to lie as to keep him from getting mad and ordering her home.

"Mom's good." She said with fake cheerfulness. "I don't get to see her all that often, but she's busy with Greg. When I do get to see her though, it's great." Or at least that's what she'd _hope _it would be when she _did _finally see her mother, who had yet to make an appearance to visit from Seattle...

"That's good. How's our ray of Sunshine?"

"Paul is as bright and chipper as ever. You should see him, he looks like a Football Star." She widened her eyebrows just at the image that floated into her mind. No. Paul was even _bigger _than a football star...

"Is he treating you well?" She rolled her eyes.

"Of course. It's _Paul. _He's even been surprisingly patient..." Despite herself she almost laughed as she remembered his impatience for her to get to the phone. Apparently her father thought of it too because he snorted into the receiver.

"Sure he is. How is Braden doing? Adapting?"

"He fits in well. All the boys here are fed Miracle Growth, so he doesn't feel like he's the sore thumb..."

"Miracle Growth?" She heard both her father and Embry laugh. The boys laughed along with him and she felt her face flush. She really wished they weren't eavesdropping. She huffed and raised her voice.

"Yeah. Miracle Growth. It explains why their all so full of shit."

"Tessa!" Her father scolded as in the background the boys were roaring with laughter. She heard sharp slaps of hands on skin...high fives? Being pat on the back?

"Sorry. Just making a point."

"A rather unnecessary one." He sighed. "I guess that you're making friends then?" He asked. She smiled, but failed to catch the disappointment that rang through his voice.

"Oh yeah! The boys are great. A bit over-protective and they eat like a pack of hungry wolves but th-" she heard the boys roar with laughed and turned around to smile with them. She didn't think it was _that _funny, but at least someone appreciated her humour.

"So there's no hope then?" He asked gravely. Her smile dropped at once.

"No hope for what?" She asked in concern.

"Tessa...Rosa...Esa, sweetie..." She froze, her eyes going wide with worry. That sweet talk was not a good beginning to a sentence. "I think it's time that you stop playing in a fantasy and come back home." She stopped breathing in shock. When she somehow found her voice, she found that it was shaking.

"But I _am _home." The boys stopped laughing and paid close attention to the conversation again. She didn't have the energy or ability to hiss at them.

"Sweetheart, you're sick. You're not getting the proper care-"

"I've been feeling _fine._" She hissed, her face heating up. She hoped that she was convincing both parties that were listening. She was sick of being babied.

"I really think you should come back."

"Why? I want to stay here with Paul." There was a whispered voice in the background and her anger flared as she inhaled sharply, recognizing the tone.

"Honey, I think-"

"Is Crystal listening to this? Is she the one who told you to call me?" She tried to keep the hurt and disgust out of her voice. Crystal had never really been nice to her and though she lived with her for a while after the divorce, she did still resent her for what she had done to her family. That woman should have known not to go after a married man. And it wasn't like she didn't know. She had been his boss.

"Cutie-pie," Crystal's high voice purred. "We just want you back."

"Can I please have a private conversation with my father?" Her voice came out like a sharp bite and she heard her father huff in loyalty to his wife.

"Tessa, you can't be hospitalized there-"

"I don't want to be hospitalized at all! That's why I'm _here_!" She hissed back, barely noticing that she was now yelling into the phone.

"Esa-Rosa Scilings, you aren't in your right mind. You do not understand what-"

"I understand _perfectly_." Her eyes snapped up to the boys and she felt embarrassed by the anger in her own voice. It was too vicious. Too terrifying. She turned around and whispered into the phone. "I can feel what my body is going through. I know that something's happening. I know what's going on. And I want a chance to live before it does."

"Then sweetie, why don't you come back home to your father? It's only fair." Crystals voice said, her tone dripping in false sadness.

"I told him before I left. I'm here because it's where I want to be."

"Why did you want to go to Paul? You haven't seen him in years." Her father mumbled, he could imagine his arms crossing over his chest as he balanced the phone expertly between his shoulder and his ear.

"Maybe that's why I _wanted _to see him." She offered as if the two were in Kindergarten. They did not like the tone.

"He could have come up to you. It's unfair of him to expect you to come to him and stop taking care of yourself-"

"He didn't expect anything! I came because _I _decided to_._" She moaned, sick of this subject. She had already held this conversation with her father many times and she didn't like repeating herself.

"He still shouldn't have let you. He should have known better than t-"

"Don't you dare let him yell at you, Tessie." Paul growled and she turned around to look at him, her eyes blazing in anger that he knew was not towards him.

"He didn't want to be near _you._" She snarled lowly towards her father, holding her brothers eyes to make sure that she wasn't saying anything she wasn't allowed to. He showed no emotion, which she took as fuel. "You expect that I just leave the fact I have a brother in my past because _you _don't want me to leave home? _I am nineteen_!"

"_You are dying._"

Shock. Pain. Fear. Sadness. The warmth deflated from the world around her as her skin heated with the mess of emotions running through her. Her eyebrows knitted across her forehead so tightly that she couldn't be sure she'd be able to untangle them later. She wondered if it was the fire blazing in her eyes that was spreading that warmth all through her body. Her nostrils flared and she tried to ignore the pleasant smells around her. The musty woods, left over food, Braden...she couldn't imagine Braden. She _wanted _to be angry.

"I know I am."

"You can feel it, can't you? Are you too afraid to come home?" Crystal's voice asked. Tessa didn't care that her voice was emanating how disgusted she was that Crystal was even on the phone.

"I'm not afraid of _anything_."

"Do not make me bring you home, Esa," Her father sounded as if he were somewhat pleading. "Come back before you make me come to get you."

"Dad, I love you," She heard him intake his breath. She only called him Dad when he was in trouble, something he knew very well. "But right now it's not you that I need to be around."

"Esa-"

"I need to live right now and you're suffocating me." She said with a much more firm tone. She looked to Paul who had a tight jaw, he nodded curtly to show his support. "And I'm not coming home." Her father did not like that answer and his voice was much lower and much more bestial when he spoke next.

"At some point, you'll get so sick you'll _beg _to be in my care again and then it might be too late." She winced and closed her eyes, fighting off oncoming tears as she cleared her throat, readying herself for the news she was about to spring.

"It already _is _too late."

There was silence. Not just from the phone, but the house was still and swelling with dread. No one was breathing. No one dared shuffle or move. Everyone seemed to be waiting for something...either for her to drop dead now or for her to start crying and run out of the house. The silence stretched for a long time. Too long a time. It made her shiver.

"Bye Dad." She hung up the phone and after the beep that sounded the call ending she left out a sound of frustration. It was between a snarl, growl, and scream muffled by her own public placement and in response to her sound she took the phone and slammed it against the counter. She slammed it just right and it hit the edge of the counter, pieces ricocheting off in every direction, making sharp noises that hurt her ears. She winced, looking at the metal as tears sprang to her eyes.

"Oh God," she exclaimed, starting to shutter as her emotions ebbed from anger into worry and guilt. "I'm so sorry. I broke the...I'll clean it up..." She bent down, surveying her mess only lightly.

"Go on, man." One of the boys whispered. She thought it was probably Seth.

"No. Paul." Jacob's voice - because it was _obviously _his voice - informed. It made Tessa's eyes look up to her brother who seemed to be battling many emotions himself, shaking even more so then she felt she may have been.

"Esa, you really need-" he took a deep breath. "You-" he paused, shaking his head and admitting defeat to one side of the internal argument he had been holding with himself. "You don't need to clean that up." It was obviously not what he had originally intended to say, but it gave her a little bit of relief.

"You sure?" She only asked out of courteously, she really didn't want to clean it up. Paul just nodded while he shoved his hands into his jeans.

"Go upstairs. It's only 10:30, you can go back to sleep. I shouldn't have woken you up for the call in the first place."

"No. Thanks. It's good that I got that all worked out." She rubbed her hand through her hair, wincing as it shifted oddly on her skull. She looked nervously to the living room but it seemed everyone had their attention in a place that was conveniently not near her.

"He wants you to go back." He stated, Tessa shrugged, standing up and wrapping her arms around herself.

"He can't make me." She spit, trying not to talk about it too much.

"He's going to try."

"He's going to fuck himself." Paul broke the awkward silence by laughing but it was a mean laugh. A cruel laugh. It was a laugh that a bad guy would laugh after he has brought the heroine over to the dark side. _Damn those cookies._ She thought. But she couldn't really make herself smile, even when she tried to.

"Now you know how I feel."

"I don't like how you feel." She whispered. "It's exhausting."

"Then do like I said: go back to bed." She nodded, suddenly feeling as if she could go back to sleep and stay asleep until Braden came home. She nodded a bit more vigorously before muttering her thanks and beginning to walk up the stairs. She stopped when she head whispering and sighed.

"Yes Jake, if you want to come talk you can."

Embry snorted whatever drink he had been taking a sip of out of his nose and Seth's mouth dropped. Jacob's eyebrows shot high up his forehead, but he didn't hesitate as he leaped from the back of the couch and started after her. It seemed that he was more athletic then she gave him credit for.

As soon as she was in her bedroom she fell onto the untidy bed. As soon as _he _was in her bedroom he closed the door. He sat on the floor beside her bed, crossing his arms over her covers and placing his chin on them. She peaked through her hair, knowing he could probably see this action.

He certainly was breathtaking. It was a different kind of breathtaking then Braden. He was so much darker, so much stronger, so much more...manly? His eyes held more of a hidden intensity then the outright intensity of Braden, his lips were always on the verge of a smile when he was looking at her. There was something about him that lured her in. It made her dizzy.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, eyes fixed on where he could see hers through her curtain of hair. She sat up, sighing loudly.

"No." Honest, simple answer.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked, looking up but not actually moving his chin from his forearms. She looked at him deeply for a couple moments, thinking about how she usually talked to him about everything and anything without second thought. But there was nothing to tell him. Nothing to talk about.

She wanted to stay.

Her father didn't want her to.

She was angry.

He probably knew all that from listening to her end of the phone call anyway.

"No." Another honest, simple answer in the form of a broken record.

"Okay." It was as simple as her response had been and she smiled because of it. She scratched at her hair, ever since it had shifted on her scalp in the kitchen she felt itchy. Jacob watched her hand move to it but she didn't scratch. His eyes were intently watching her movements and it made her self conscious.

"You can take it off, you know." He told, looking her in the eyes to show that it didn't bother him. She shook her head animatedly, making her head itch more, but she had to get the point across.

"Not with you here, I can't."

"I would never judge you. I think you'd look good with short hair." She tried to smile but ended up grimacing more than anything.

"Nah. This is peach fuzz. It's not hair, it's more like...fluff."

"Then you'll look cute." He chuckled. She nodded sarcastically, already cynical.

"That or I'd look like crud." _Honest, simple answers, Tessa, _she told herself.

"Never." It was a statement that was final. There was no swaying him...unless he saw of course. And she wasn't sure she wanted to sway his opinion that badly. There was a long silence. A silence that made her roll her eyes.

"You _really _want to see it, don't you?"

"I want to see if your short hair is as beautiful as your long hair." She snorted, her shoulders shuttering in response to the sound.

"It's not."

"Sure, sure. How about I be the judge of _that _too?" He asked, she snorted again, remembering how he had said this earlier that week about being the judge of her list. She took a moment, analyzing him as he looked at her with the most innocent expression he could muster. She hit his arm.

"Stop _trying _to look innocent. It's making you look more guilty." He laughed.

"I'm not trying to look innocent, I just _am_." He explained indignantly.

"Bullshit."

"Do you want me to grab it off of you?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You wouldn't." Tessa challenged, her eyes narrowing dramatically.

"Probably not, but I could just tickle you until you give in." He offered. She rolled her eyes smugly, crossing her arms over her chest. She would win this battle if it was the last thing she did.

"You wouldn't make me do anything I wouldn't want to." For some reason, she knew it was true and he shrugged, turning one of his more intense looks on her. She couldn't stop herself from shivering at the sight of his eyes catching hers.

"Are you sure you're okay, Tessa?" He asked quietly. She lowered her eyes.

"Not really."

"Why don't you go to sleep, then?" He didn't really ask it, but he seemed to state it, touching the blankets softly near her leg. She ended up shrinking away from his hand feeling the heat from it from half a foot away.

"I kinda like talking to you." She muttered, even as she moved away from his hand further.

"I kinda like talking to you, too." He smirked, his eyes narrowing playfully. He didn't seem to take offence to the distance she put between them as he retreated his hand back to underneath his chin.

"I feel a litt-" She couldn't finish the sentence before Jacob was all over her. And strangely enough not in the way she wanted...or _did _she want it? Either way, she found him quickly bending over to check her temperature, brushing the hair off her forehead with the softest of touches...

"You're not warm." He stated. She widened her eyes and pursed her lips.

"...I was going to say '_embarrassed_'. Now it's worse." She groaned awkwardly.

"Sorry." He whispered before pausing for a long time. Tessa found herself wondering if this was all the conversation would hold. If there was anything else that would be said. "Do you really want to stay here?" It sounded like he couldn't help himself from asking it, like it had popped out of his mouth before his brain could stop it. When she turned her pale eyes on him he seemed to darken before he looked away.

"You guys may still baby me a bit," _A lot. _"But at least here I don't have IV's hanging out of my limbs." It wasn't the most pleasant of imagery, but it was all she could think of when she closed her eyes. She hated closing her eyes. Imagining what was happening inside her body...

"I can't imagine seeing you caged like that."

Caged. It was the perfect word to describe what her world had been before she had stolen away to her childhood home. Tessa sighed, knowing that just because she was no longer caged did not mean that she was free. She was still on a leash. A short one. Made of a thick, cold and angry metal chain.

"It was hell."

"Tessa...can you really feel yourself dying?" She could tell that this was a hesitant question, one that made his voice drop and rasp as if he hadn't really spoken anything in weeks. Her insides squeezed themselves in regret, wondering if this was always how he felt and sounded when he thought about her. She didn't want him to think of her like that...she didn't want him to think of her like she found herself fantasizing about, either...

"I've known for a long time." She thought it was a fair thing to settle with. She didn't really want to get into detail about how she felt. She didn't want to get into detail about how she hurt, how she withered, how she writhed...

"Because...you look better. You look stronger and healthier. You're getting weight on you. You're looking happier." The statement came as a shock, but she tried not to let it show.

"I always said: hospital food was the _real _killer." He didn't like the joke. He frowned and she found herself rolling her eyes at his expression. _Give him something to go on... _"Yeah, I feel happier. Anything's better then being constantly monitored in a hospital bed...did you know that when I came here it was the first shower I where someone wasn't in the room with me for _months_? It was wonderful!" She sighed wistfully, remembering the experience. "I've been eating more, I've been sleeping tons _and _I've been outside. Sun or not, it's like I'm getting my colour back. Maybe it's because jerks like you keep making me blush."

"I make you blush?" He asked teasingly. _Damnit. _She had caught her mistake too late and just shrugged her shoulders, looking out the window. She didn't want to lead him on. She had a boyfriend. An amazing, fantastic, _beautiful _boyfriend who had been with her through thick and thin. No matter how distracting this Jacob Black was, she could not forget that.

"Did I _look _sick when I came here?" She remembered how she had tried to look better. She had put on a bit of makeup, dressed in colourful clothing and tried to sew on a permanent smile, but she could never see anything more than disease when she looked in the mirror. She wondered how noticeable it would have been to others.

"I'm not the person to ask. I knew right away." He told, looking down at the hair on his arms, as if they were rising from the cold. _Let's be honest, he's never cold. _She reasoned silently.

"You did?" She asked, her voice full of dread.

"As soon as I looked at you..." He sighed quietly. "Well, I knew a lot of things."

"What kind of things?" She asked, her voice betraying how intense her curiosity was. But he didn't seem to want to tease her as he mumbled dismissively.

"Life changing things." She knew that was going to be all that she got out of the conversation. So she went and pulled her knees up to her chin, resting her suddenly heavy head against them. Paul was right, she should go to bed. She was suddenly exhausted and feeling off..._sick _again.

"Why do you want to talk to me so much?" She asked, closing her eyes for a moment, feeling the need to nod off become stronger. Her head itched, it was probably the only thing keeping her awake.

"Because you look like you need someone to talk to." Part of her wanted to open her eyes and argue that she had Braden, because she knew she _always _had Braden. But she knew it would turn into a debate. A good one. Because she _couldn't _always talk to Braden about these things. He loved her too much.

"Why'd you volunteer?" Tessa's eyes stayed closed. She really should just go to bed, but talking to him was far too interesting...

"Those damn life changing things always screw with my schedule." She snorted a bit, letting him know the joke got across which made him chuckle. It was low and rumbled in his chest, almost as if he were purring. It was comforting. "It's good you feel comfy enough to talk to me. Make this all go easier." _Mind reader. _She thought with a smirk.

"Makes what all go easier?"

"Everything that's happening." She opened her eyes lazily, annoyed with his cryptic answers. He just shrugged, letting her know that he didn't want to elaborate.

"Well...I do trust you." She did. Tessa didn't know _why _she trusted Jake so much, but the feeling was clear as day. She trusted him with her life...not that it was saying much at this point.

"Good. I'm a pretty dependable guy." He winked.

"Sure, sure." She didn't know why the words left her mouth...yes, she hung out with Jacob a lot, but not enough to take on his mannerisms. His smile grew as wide as the moon, glowing back to her with triumph. Her stomach squeezed...she couldn't tell if it was in guilt or if it was in something much more incriminating.

They stayed like that for a long time, him smiling at her and her awkwardly trying to fight off the smile that was clawing at the inside of her cheeks. It was an awkward and somehow adorable process. Then, before she could change her decision, she reached her hands up to her hair and gently slid the wig off of her scalp.

She tried not to look at him as she threw the long, sweeping hair to the side, lightly fingering the soft hair that had been hidden beneath it. This hair was about an inch and a half long now, it looked more like peach fuzz then hair. Something much like what you would see on a doll, as if _that _was actually the artificial hair. She knew it was just a little bit darker then the wig of old hair that she wore.

"I told you that you would look beautiful." The comment caught her off-guard and she brought her eyes to look at him in shock. How could he still think she was beautiful? She had no hair. She used to have _beautiful _hair. And now...well.

"You're wrong."

"Nope." He grinned wolfishly. "I'm never wrong. Maybe not always right, but _never _wrong." The comment made her grin despite herself.

"You're weird then."

"You have no idea." He agreed lightly. There was a few moments of chuckling from both of them before it turned into a quiet, tense silence. She readjusted herself on the bed, looking down at him pensively.

"What are you thinking?" She asked, her voice quiet as if someone else may hear a large secret.

"I wanted to know if you would let me touch it." Blunt. She tensed as it sunk in.

"You want to touch my hair?" Each word was separate and staccato. He nodded slowly, slightly smiling towards her nervousness.

"I do."

And for some reason so did she. She took her own hand, which she hadn't realized was still there, from her hair and leaned forward slightly. He reached out his long arm and gently, yet at the same not so gently pushed his hand into her hair. It was a gentle touch, light and feathery, but at the same time it was so much _more. _It wasn't like when a friend touches your hair. It was more like, and she closed her eyes as the thought hit her, a lover pushing his hands through your hair as he kissed you. The images that flew through her mind were a little too vivid and she pulled away from his warmth yet again.

"Sorry, I was just curious." He blurted, immediately worried because of her contortions away from him.

"Don't worry about it." She muttered. She added a laugh to lighten the mood. "Do you do this with all random little sisters of your friends?"

"Just the pretty ones." He smiled.

She wanted to ask if he was joking: her hair was definitely a large fault, but she left it as it was. She kind of liked being called pretty. Even if there was a sting for Braden that she could not ignore in the pit of her stomach. She rolled on her bed, lifting the covers. He reached beside where her hand held the covers and lifted them for her, holding them above her head while she crawled beneath them.

"Sorry to ignore you, but I think it's time I went back to sleep." She yawned, scratching at her scalp which was still slightly itchy from the wig. Once she got the itch, to the right side of her scull, she laid her head down on her pillow.

"No problem." He said with a wave of his hand. "I get it. But do you mind if I stay in here? I'm not really ready to listen to your brother's angry rants." She found herself giggling, knowing exactly what he was talking about. He probably didn't actually know how badly Paul hated their father, but she realized if he stayed up here he didn't need to find out yet. If he saw how immature Paul could be - well, he probably already knew but just in case - maybe he would leave. Get frustrated or something along those lines. She didn't like the thought of that.

She didn't want that. Not one bit.

"Stay all you want. Just acknowledge I'm passing out."

"I expected that." He laughed, standing up and looking around for a chair. There was one with worn red-leather plush that he grabbed from the desk across her room. He slid it toward her bed and crossed his arms, sitting down in it and wincing as it made a strange creaking noise. He was far too big for anything in this room.

"Don't be too much of a creeper and watch me while I sleep." She giggled, trying to take the limelight off of his mass.

"I make no promises."

"If you want, you can even nap in here." She suggested and as soon as it was said she watched while he started getting comfortable in the chair. It really looked unnatural because of how large he was.

"I might just do that." He already was going to as was obvious by how he was already comfortable and stooping in the chair. Even though his eyes were very aware of her own as they started to droop again. She smiled drowsily, somewhat surprised with how quickly sleep was trying to claim her.

"Then goodnight, Mr Black."

"Good morning, Ms Scilings."

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**I hope you enjoyed. WAIT to see what next chapter involves. YOU WILL LOVE IT...because everyone loves jealousy. If you didn't you probably wouldn't have kept reading all the way through the Twilight Series in the first place.**

**--Egypt**


	7. Begging Forgiveness

**I am so sorry for the pause in updating guys! Damn, I cannot explain to you how difficult University is. And not only is it just the classes, the drama in my dorm is TERRIFYING. It is worse than anything Stephenie Meyer could have cooked up. No joke. THAT is how intense it is. **

**On a softer note, I showed my account to roommate and got a surprisingly good reaction from her. Apparently she doesn't hate me too much for being such a Twiheart. Yay! **

**Anyway, I promise that since the holidays are coming up I will update more. Since I already have 5 chapters done of the new EdwardxOOC story done and waiting to be published, I'll even drag those out a little early as a good apology. I know the idea sounds cheesy but it actually will all work out. I'm SO excited for it!**

**As always I would like to send out a special 'Thank you' to my reviewers: **Angel of the Night Watchers**, **Nicola-Tee-**, **Sammy-Babe**, **europ92 **and **Devina Dela Strange** for being so awesome and reviewing. Please keep it up!**

* * *

"_What the hell is going on_?"

Braden's voice threw Tessa back into consciousness. Her eyes snapped open as if she hadn't really been sleeping, her body froze. She was laying in her bed, her bright orange walls were blinding her, she was so warm...

She turned her head to look at Braden, but something was in the way. Her breath hitched as she realized that the _something _was actually a _someone. _Curled up on her bed beside her, sleeping ever-so peacefully lay the lightly snoring Jacob. Her eyes ingested the situation quickly: he was facing her, she was under the covers and he was over them, both of them were clothed, his arm _was _touching her - but was not draped over her, he was sleeping, he was smiling, he was _beautiful._

And by beautiful, she meant breath taking. Stunning. Now that she thought about it, had her breath hitched out of shock, guilt...or passion? The angel in front of her was so peaceful, thick lashes grazing his high cheek bones as his eyes focused on whatever was darting around in his dreams. His smile was so sweet and innocent, like a father gazing down on his child, pride and love adorning each pore. It was elegant. _Who thought a bulky giant could ever be so elegant?_

Her eyes snapped to Braden, fear filling her pupils. He was furious. His eyes were blazing, his fists were clenched and his shoulders were hunched as he tried to suppress the screams he was probably reverberating through his mind so that he wouldn't bellow and destroy her ears. He was baring his teeth while he bit back his screams at her. It was obvious. It was terrifying. She had never seen him look so vicious.

"Wake him up." Tessa was too terrified to argue. She turned towards Jacob, never tearing her eyes off of Braden in fear that Braden would tackle him if she turned her back, as well as in fear that Jacob's innocence may steal her breath again.

"Jake." She whispered, feeling she was violating all that was holy. Angels should not be bothered with this kind of thing. He didn't budge. "Jacob."

"_Esa_..." He moaned in his sleep. It made her eyes widen as her body froze itself into an unnatural stiffness. That was not what Braden needed to hear considering these circumstances.

"Jake. Wake up." He must have heard the quiver in her voice that she had been trying to hide because his eyes opened almost as quickly as hers had. She avoided his eyes by looking back up at Braden. Jacob followed her eyes quickly and took in the situation. She noticed that he went slightly more rigid as well.

"Braden." He acknowledged, somewhat foolishly. She felt herself shiver.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Braden asked quietly. Tessa could tell it was only quiet because he was trying so hard not to explode.

"We fell asleep." He explained smoothly, calmly. As if he was used to calming people down. But Tessa couldn't remember seeing anyone this angry. Not while she was in the room. She had watched her father scream at doctors, watched her brother rage at her father...but never around her. It had never been her fault. "It was obviously innocent, look at us." Braden didn't take that as an appropriate answer.

"Why the hell are you in her bed?"

"I don't really remember _how _I got here." He replied with a shrug. Well, she didn't blame him, neither did she. Then again, the look of naivety across Jacob's face was a little bit too perfect...

"Bullshit." Braden hissed.

"Don't freak out yet. We _obviously _didn't do anything." Jake had lost his innocent expression and had replaced it with a quick and melodramatic roll of his eyes.

"Don't talk to me like a kid, asshole." Braden's voice was raising, Jacob's face twitched slightly, but his voice still came out strangely controlled.

"Don't call me an asshole."

"Please stop." Tessa whispered, quietly enough she thought neither would hear. Jacob surprised her as he looked over his shoulder, opening his mouth to speak before he was cut off by Braden.

"She is my _girlfriend. _Why are you even in her room?" His voice was pointed, the accusation rang through the air angrily. Jacob kept his calmness.

"We were talking."

"And?" Braden probed.

"And nothing." Jacob growled, showing a bit of his own frustration peak through the edges of his words. Tessa felt tears rising to her eyes. Why wasn't she helping Jacob defend her? He was trying so hard to fix a situation that she wasn't helping. Was she looking even _more _guilty because she couldn't find her breath?

"Get off the fucking bed, man." The way that Braden said it finally made Tessa mobile. Her body spun to face him, her fists gripped at the blanket. She shivered, she didn't like this confrontation.

"Not until you calm down, _man._" Jake growled back to him.

"Calm down? You want me to be calm after I catch you sleeping in bed with my girlfriend?!" Jacob rolled his eyes again, that calm voice of his returning.

"You haven't seen anything inappropriate so why are you freaking out?"

"You know what I _have _seen?" Braden began, bitterness coating each word. His left hand pointed accusingly to Jacob. "You. Everywhere. Everywhere my Tessa is-"

"_Your _Tessa?" Jake repeated with sceptically raised eyebrows.

"-yes. She is _my _Tessa. And everywhere she is, you follow like a lost fucking puppy. Everyone sees the way you talk to her, look at her, _leech _off her, it's like you lo-"

"I don't _leech _off of anyone." Jacob's voice turned dark. Dark and deadly. It made Tessa's heart race and she knew that whether she was scared to or not, she knew that she had to stop this.

"Please stop." Tessa tried again. This time Braden heard her and finally looked over her, but it was just as Jacob placed his hand on her shoulder. She wished he wouldn't have, not only was she quivering but Braden's eyes briefly bore a hole through the misplaced hand. Braden looked back to Tessa, his eyes softening in an unfamiliar way against her own. It made her stomach twist. She wished he would have just stayed angry. The pain in his eyes hurt more than his words could have.

"How could you do this to me, Esa?" _Spoke too soon. _She thought with regret, knowing that they could see how these words dug into her.

"Braden, I haven't done anything-" Tessa's voice was weak. Trembling.

"She wasn't even awake when I fell asleep." Jacob told while his hand tightened its grip ever so slightly on her shoulder.

"Don't take this on yourself. I should have told you to go downstairs." She was glad she had found her voice even if there was something making her anxious with his hand on her shoulder. Possibly the fact that Braden kept switching his gaze jealously towards it.

"No Tessie, I'm not going to let him yell at you. You don't deserve that."

"Don't call her that, you don't know her well enough." Braden rumbled.

"Braden, please-" Tessa began, but Braden shook his head and she took it as an unspoken cue to silence herself.

"'Please'? Esa, get him out of here." Braden's tone was final. There was no way around what he wanted this time.

"Get stuffed, Brae." Jake snarled. The sound was startling.

"Jake, please-"

"_Get out!_" The sound was so loud, so fierce that the silence that lingered stung their ears more than the sound that had emanated from Braden. He was out of breath, he was manic, like someone Tessa had never seen. She should not do this to him. She never knew he had this in him.

"I'm not getting out until she tells me." Jacob's voice was so calm in comparison to Braden's that she was reminded of the calm before the storm, the smooth water before the rapids.

"Both of you, stop!" Her voice was louder then it needed to be. It was strong. Stronger than she felt and stronger then it had sounded in years. Both looked at her with shocked expressions, Braden's mouth hung open a little. Jacob looked worried. Jake's hand slightly lifted off of her shoulder, but hovered there as if worriedly.

"Esa-"

"Jake, I know you didn't do anything. I trust you. But Braden is right. We need to talk about this. He's obviously feeling insecure." Jake was incredulous.

"Insecure? He was just yelling at-"

"Braden, you shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." She scorned. He glowered at the other boy in the room. The giant. The elephant that was creating all the tension. Braden shook his head, more in the direction towards Jake, as if he were trying to shake free of the image he saw when he entered the room.

"Tessa, he was in your bed with you-"

"I'm in love with _you._" Tessa announced. She heard as Jacob took a sharp intake of breath. One that was too quiet for Braden to hear and it she heard only because her ears were so sensitive. She looked to him with a look of confusion but he avoided her eyes as his lips stretched over his teeth and his eyebrows scrunched.

"Yeah, I get it. I'll leave." Her stomach dropped.

"Jake-" She began to take it back, after all she hadn't meant to make him leave. In fact, she really wanted to sort through this whole thing with both boys there. When she felt complete. When she felt happiest. But she didn't stop him as he stood up.

As Jacob walked to the door and tried to get past Braden, there was an awkward moment of tension as Jake looked down on him. The look he gave him was so intense she held her breath, worried one of them would throw a punch, make a comment, somehow kill the other with their eyes. It was one of the most frightening things she had ever seen.

"We can talk later, Tessie." Jake then left the room. Both Tessa and Braden remained silent while they listened to him stomp down the stairs and slam the front door behind him. It wasn't a minute before it opened and closed again as someone from downstairs ran to follow him out.

"Tessa, what is going on?" He sounded exhausted. He sounded almost tearful. It made her heart break as she looked at him, pinching the bridge of his nose, not able to make eye contact.

"Braden, nothing happened, I promise." He looked down at the ground for a long moment before he could make himself nod, however mechanical it looked at the beginning. But he kept nodding, the movement coming more naturally before he dared look up and meet her crystal coloured eyes.

"I believe you."

There was a long silence where all she could sense was that he had more he wanted to say but he couldn't figure out how to say it. She waited, patiently, knowing that she deserved to wait for his answers. She should have told Jake to get out of her room. She should not have lead Jake on...is that what she had been doing?

She should regret it more than she does.

"You love me. I know you do. But sometimes I wonder how you feel about _him._"

"He isn't _you._" She argued at once, surprised that this conversation could _actually _happen in real life and not only in all the movies.

"I never said he was." His voice was weak. He had let his anger go as soon as Jacob had gone. It comforted her that though he was upset, he was not actually angry with her. He knew that it was the situation, not her at fault.

"Braden. You're the boy I love." She smiled at him. The corners of his mouth twitched and gave her encouragement to continue. "I've always loved you. I'll always love you." But he felt the need to continue.

"There's something about the way you two look at each other. The way you talk. The way that you always have to be - I don't know - close. _Touching_. The way you were so quickly comfortable with him..."

"I've known him for years." She said quickly, scrambling for excuses to explain what she couldn't.

"You met him years ago. Doesn't mean you knew him. Do you even _really _know him now?" She had to think about that. Had he really ever said anything about himself? _No_. She realized guiltily. _Not really_. She had been selfish and taken any time they had together to talk about herself. _Good job, Tessa_.

"Guess not." She muttered. He shrugged, walking while in thought until he sat down on the bed directly where Jake had just been. She wasn't sure if it was supposed to be some sort of dominance thing, some sort of an 'f you' per se, but he seemed a little pleased with himself as he looked her straight in the eyes. She smiled while her clear crystal eyes calculated his blue-green eyes, which were somehow darker because of how upset he was.

"Should I be worried?" he asked with a lump in his throat.

"Worried?" She repeated, feeling her own mouth go dry.

"Worried. About Jake." The question seemed ridiculous when the words were actually said, but the feelings that rose in her stomach seemed to announce that the question itself wasn't so easily answered.

"No." She found herself responding quickly. "I'm in love with you, Braden."

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as if the air was suddenly much more clean. She couldn't really tell what he was feeling. He looked pained, he looked like he was trying to calm down similar, painful monsters swarming inside his own body.

"Say it again." His voice was shaking, he was overly emotional. Her heart felt like it was shattering. She shouldn't be doing this to him for any other reason other than the fact she was dying. And like _that _wasn't painful enough. Now he was worried he was going to lose her even before then...

"I am in love with y-"

She didn't get to finish on account of the large hands cupping her cheeks, the soft lips swallowing her words. His lips were cool. Though the need to kiss her was urgent, his lips were not. He was the type who loved to take his time, enjoy every moment, nurture each excitement. She found herself running her hands through his shaggy hair, brushing her fingers over his cheek bones, his forehead, turning her body as he took his arms from her face to place them around her body and drag her closer to him.

She brought her arms around him and tried to bring herself even closer. She loved the heat that his body usually had to comfort her - even if it _wasn't _as powerful as Jake's - but she noticed that today he had clothes on which were stunting how it felt. She tugged at his shirt, impatiently kissing him as he found a way to slip it off. She wrapped her arms around his torso - even if _that _wasn't as powerful as Jakes - and was surprised by how cool his skin was. It was like he had been running in the cold, or was drenched in cool sweat. Usually in an argument he would heat up.

Braden, always the gentleman, found a way to dip her while she wasn't on her feet and then Tessa stooped, keeping one hand on his back and one on his face, possessively rubbing his cheek. She heard as he took a deep intake of breath to prepare himself before Braden tore himself away from her to look away, trying to make sure he didn't relapse.

"We should stop. You already have a fever." That explains why he wasn't as warm, she thought lightly. But found herself missing the feel of his body anyway. As she lay there, looking up at him while he was twisted away, she wondered why she seemed to always be the one pushing for sex. Could it really only be because he was worried that she was unable to in her condition? Or was it that he didn't want to have too many ties to her before she croaked on him?

_Nice and blunt, Esa-Rosa._

"I want to be with you, Brae." She said softly, knowing what his reaction would be already. He closed his eyes and shook his head with vigour and fierce determination.

"Don't do that to me. You know you can't."

"No one ever said anything about rules on this." She argued. "I can and you know it. You just don't want me to."

"Fine, I'll rephrase: you know _we _can't."

"Why? Why if I want you?" Her words came out almost as foggy as her eyes. Rejection was hard to take every time he dished it out, no matter how much she sometimes tried to hide it. She didn't understand why he _wouldn't _want to if she didn't have that much time left. Wasn't now the only safe time to do this? When they knew she wouldn't just drop dead beside him after or even during? She felt good now. She felt strong. If it wasn't because he didn't want to be tied down, then why now, when it was one of the things she wanted to experience?

"Esa...my Tessie," Ah. There it was. The answer. The evidence. She sighed, now knowing exactly what she should expect from him and she won't deny she was pleased she knew how to fight heart with heart.

"You're thinking too much. About Jake." She stated darkly.

"No I'm not." He argued much too quickly.

"You are. You never call me 'my Tessie'. You rarely even use the term 'Tessie'. Jake just said it so now you're trying to see if I respond to it the same way." He furrowed his eyebrows, not pleased with her more than accurate analysis, whether or not he had done it consciously or subconsciously she could tell he was upset for being caught.

"I'm not thinking too much." Well, at least he had made it easy and not denied that he was worried about Jacob. She sighed, taking her hands and wrapping them around just one of his large ones. His hands with the spidery fingers.

"Do you see me laying on a bed asking for Jacob? Brae, I'm asking for _you._"

"You have a fever." He stated with a shaking voice as if it was trying to get past the lump in his throat. He shook his head, he was trying to fight his urges. Something that she wanted to end at once.

"If I take my medicine?"

His eyes shot up to her dramatically, his eyebrows raised significantly. She never offered to take her medicine. Nevertheless, she had refused to _take _her medicine the whole time that she had been here. Any prescription at all. Sure, she would take some aspirin, some gravol, some other over the counter crap that half the time wasn't close to strong enough so that it would work; but she had gone weeks without any prescription at all. To him, an ex-cancer victim himself, a prescription was a _life_. To him, it bought him that extra little bit of time with her.

"You'd take your medicine to fool around with me?" His voice was almost amused, but there was too much shock and suspicion to fully make them humorous.

"Pretty much."

"And would you expect sex?" It was an incriminating question. She blushed and looked down, shrugging out her muttered answer.

"I'd like to see where it leads..." She trailed off, leaving the actual answer hanging in the air, looming over them so that she didn't actually feel forced to say what they both knew she would have.

"Why are you so eager?" He asked with a sigh.

"Why are you the girl?" She laughed, thinking about all the funny stereotypes currently being broken.

"You're sick."

"I _feel _better." She argued, thinking about the weight she had gained, the colour she had gotten back. She actually looked like a person instead of a skeleton, or a shadow. She felt like if she were to go outside and be around other people, no one would look at her with pity. People may actually think that she was - or was at least close to - normal.

"Maybe that's a bad sign." Braden whispered eerily. She thought about it briefly, could it be? Could it be like her body is giving up and giving her these last few days, weeks, months of life as healthily as it can before it gives up on itself?

"Then I want you now before I can't have you." She decided it was the safest answer. Letting him know that she was considering it a problem, but not letting him know that his conclusion only made her want this more.

"Tess..."

"Brae. Please."

They were the words that needed to be said. Braden grabbed her and held her to him, moving his body so that he was overtop of her. Her eyes fluttered shut as he kissed her lips, her neck, her collarbone. She felt her body catch fire with passion that made her shake from the cold air around her, the crispness of the blankets, the cool air he breathed on her neck.

"_Braden_..." She moaned, realizing she had never felt this before and was damning him for holding out on her for so long. He was far too stubborn. How could this passion be bad? How could this be anything but euphoria? Heaven? That place where you are so happy you forget anything that has ever been wrong, you forget about anything bad - about life, death, hunger, sadness, pain...all you know is passion. Love.

"_Tessie_..." It was distant, but she knew that it didn't sound like a moan of pleasure. In fact, it didn't even sound like Braden's voice. It sounded more rough, more of a growl, could it just be the passion overtaking him too? But no, it sounded different. Distinctly different. It almost sounded like - could she even think it? How could she be thinking of _him _after the conversation she had just had with Braden?

For some reason her feeling of shock was far too strong, there was a strange buzzing in her ear that was making her head hurt. It sounded like a violent kind of static. It sounded like hissing and the different decibels...so many decibels...it hurt. She took a deep breath and tried to ignore it, she didn't want Braden to stop. Besides, if she made him stop now he would _never _have sex with her because she would be proving him right.

"_Please don't..._" It was _his_ voice again. She shivered at the memory of it. This was not a good sign.

"_Stop. Please._"

She whimpered at the sound of pain. The painful buzzing. The pain that lined his voice. It made Braden stop immediately. He looked down at her with puzzled eyes before he saw the look of that was adorning her face. She briefly found herself wondering what it looked like to get such an animated look of worry from him.

"What did I do?" He asked worriedly. "Tessa?" But it was too late, she could barely hear him. Her head was spinning, the buzzing was getting louder. It hurt her head, made it throb. She gasped in pain.

Then, she fainted.

_I've always heard dying is cold. _She thought dreamily as the lights faded and her eyelids no longer made her vision pink.

"_Don't worry, I'm here._" She heard lightly as the darkness consumed her. She smiled.

_Then you can keep me warm._

* * *

**Oh yeah. Craziness! So, is Esa-Rosa going crazy or is there something else I just haven't told you? Hmm...your theories would be much appreciated in the form of **_REVIEWS _**! Please, please review. Hope you enjoyed!**

**--Egypt**


	8. Sick

**Sorry for the delay everyone but I'm coming out with tons of updates (4!) at once to make up for it! I think I'm going to go on Hiatus for my Edward/OC story for a while so that I can continue with my new idea of **_Pieces_**. Check it out, it's pretty cool and I don't think there's anything like it yet.**

**As for this story, I'm sorry this chapter is short but it is an important one because I'm speeding this part up a bit - aka I'm trying to get around that writers block that I was talking about. Basically this is the slightly-less-exciting-middle-part before the good stuff starts happening which should either be next chapter or the one after it. Most likely the one after, but I may be nice if you review :) Try to see if there are any cool hidden meanings. Both this and **_Forgetting Franki_**'s new chapter are full of them!**

**Alright, thank you everyone, enjoy the chapter!**

Esa was sick. Esa-Rosa was very sick. Braden wished that he could have convinced her sooner that this would happen, but she was so sure that she was okay; so sure that this wouldn't happen so quickly. And he hadn't wanted to argue with her nearly as strongly as he probably could have. Because he wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe this wasn't happening. Not to his Esa.

Now a days, Braden found himself wondering hourly why he could be cured of his cancer and Tessa could not be cured of her own. He knew all the biology behind it: he'd had a removable type of cancer, something to be removed and replaced with his own bodily fluids. But unless the doctors wanted to drain Tessa's body of all fluid and scrape out any bacteria or possible lingering blood cells, there was no way to get rid of her own sickness.

He pulled on his pants, careful to make sure his shirt was still tucked in before he dared button and zip up. He had to go to work, again, today. Tessa had refused to let him take too much time off, she said that she had her brother to take care of her so he should go. Secretly, Braden knew she was right, and decided that he would do as told.

Jacob had done the opposite and had hardly left her side. There were two days where Braden left to see Jacob sitting in a chair beside her bed and by the time he came home - late, as the shifts have been getting a little longer each day - Jacob was in the exact same position, seeming not to have moved an inch. Then again, the other two days had opposite affects.

One day Tessa was sprawled across the toilet and Jake was, of course, found leaning against the open door, rubbing her back as she drifted in and out of fitful bouts of sleep.

It was the fourth day that made Braden more angry than anything. He hadn't been there at all. As she was asleep, moaning in her bed, he was nowhere in sight. Asshole.

Braden grunted loudly, pulling at his sleeves in irritation. He wasn't blind. He saw what was going on. He watched Jake stare at his girlfriend, he watched him as he watched her. He saw the looks, the little touches he tried to sneak in. He saw the smiles, the grimaces, all those looks of worry and adoration. It was infuriating.

It was _terrifying_.

How could Jake be so smitten with Tessa? Honestly. She was so sick, you'd think that he would have avoided her for that reason alone. Most people would. But no. No, not Jacob. Jake decided to fly in and use that mysterious charisma of his and make Tessa like him.

And that's exactly what he did: made sure that she had someone to confide in. Made it so that he was everything she needed in a person. It was cheap. It was cruel. Tessa couldn't go through that pain right now and this guy clearly couldn't be genuine. Hell, he'd only known her for a couple weeks!

Braden scowled at the thoughts rummaging through his mind, trying not to picture the large, tan hand rubbing his girlfriend's back. These little actions were starting to drive him insane. Esa deserved better than this type of mind game. That's why he was here. To make sure she didn't get hurt…to try and help her survive as long as she could.

Walking into her room, he noticed that Paul was gazing at his sister sadly. Jake was asleep in the other chair. He tried not to show as his diaphragm slapped his stomach.

"I'm going to work." He said lowly. "Call me if you need anything or…yeah, just call."

Paul nodded, getting the hint of what hadn't been spoken. It wasn't that hard to miss, the target was 5'4. He looked over at the girl on the bed…one would think that she would look small - _deflated _- as she lay in bed, but instead she looked bigger. Fuller. She looked somehow more muscular even though she was thin and wiry, her skin look a little more dark even though it was pale and drenched with sweat, she looked somehow taller even though she wasn't standing. It had been because she was laid out on the small bed, her sunset comforter hiding her size and hiding how crippled she was becoming. What a cruel way to mislead him.

"Will do. See you later." Paul's voice was very distant. It was almost as if he weren't even in the room. Braden nodded and left, getting in his car in a huff. This car was taking him farther away from the one who needed him most. From the one he needed most.

"Please don't die on me Tessa," he whispered to the windshield. "I'm not ready to let you go."

"I think she's out."

With the words, the boys noticeably relaxed and slouched into their appropriate walls for support. It had been a violent three hours of Esa hugging the toilet. Seth was closest to the door, leaning against the doorframe. His favourite little cramped area of late. Paul was behind Esa, rubbing her back while she was conscious and at times like this - the times when she was unconscious - he was her pillow as she sprawled herself over him. Jacob was at the side, cramped up by the bath tub. He was currently holding her hand, rubbing comforting patterns over her skin like he was trying to chip off the sickness.

"That was a bad one." Seth continued, rubbing his face exhaustedly. "I love it more when she sleeps." Jacob shot him a glare, to which he held his hands up in defence. "I mean that she doesn't seem in as much pain. Jeeze, Jake. Take a chill pill."

"Shh." Paul said lightly, looking to his sister on his chest as she shuffled around a bit. He felt a bolt of electricity go through her arm as she squeezed Jake's hand. He inhaled audibly and was silent again.

It was amazing how quiet Jake had been, he noticed softly. Jake barely spoke nowadays. When he did, his voice was low. It was quiet. It was so...not Jake. That was when he was there. There were the times he disappeared. But they knew where he went. They knew how he comforted her silences. Paul left every now and then too...but he was a little disturbed by what he saw and tended to keep with Tessa in the flesh.

When she was awake, Jake always spoke. When she was awake he would put on this painfully fake smile and whisper jokes and comfort and charm in her ear. His voice was still quiet, still low, and still laced with his own disturbance. But it made Esa-Rosa smile. And that was all that mattered to Paul. Those stupid jokes that he normally hated were keeping his heart beating.

Rachel was around often. Every time he broke down, it seemed. He owed her his life...he was just afraid that it wasn't his that had been slipping away.

He was breaking down. His sister looked like she was crumbling in his arms but what was underneath was something more terrifying than what he knew could happen. Because no one knew what could happen with the muscle underneath the skin. He didn't want to lose her...he didn't want to keep her in _this _state.

The rest of the pack was on high alert. There was always someone on patrol to see what was going on. People were always in touch with each other and were waiting...just waiting for the news of some sort of change. Some always insisted that she should be taken to the hospital. Some insisted that it was her time - they were drawing out the inevitable.

But he wouldn't hear it.

"She's shaking." Paul whispered, as he felt Esa begin to convulse. Jake was immediately sober, his posture rigid as he held her hand.

"Esa, it's okay...you're okay..." he whispered comfortingly. Paul tried to ignore the twinge of annoyance. He understood why Jake felt the need to constantly be there for his sister...but did it have to be a constant battle between them?

Not that Paul fought against it often.

"_Is _she alright?" Seth asked. Paul glared at him as best he could, watching the little kid writhe under his gaze.

"Of course she's not alright." He hissed. Seth moved a bit away from him, trying not to prompt a fight but too afraid to really leave either boy alone with her. Their emotions were so tattered that neither one was allowed to be alone with Esa-Rosa, just in case they were to leave and phase. And since Esa-Rosa was not allowed to be alone, well not with her state...

They watched her for a while longer. They watched as her breathing stayed slow and somehow raspy. They could see her muscles twitching in agony, could see her eyes franticly trying to escape her lids. There was a noticeable difference everyday, a sort of swelling - unlike anything the others had been through. Her body was pulsing with some sort of civil war between survival and death.

"What are you going to do about Braden?" Seth asked loudly, breaking the silence. Paul rolled his eyes dramatically, this constant need for conversation was starting to get a little ridiculous. Sometimes, people just needed to live in silence.

Seth would never be one of those people.

"I don't care about Braden." Jake responded quietly.

"I know that..." Seth sighed bemusedly. "But what are you going to _do_?"

"It depends what she's going to do." He said simply. "It's in a chain of events."

"It's not really up to her." Paul added, remembering bitterly the situation with Sam. He had never really been that interested in it, more like he had hated it - actually. The problem was, he'd always had to hear it from Leah and Sam but see Sam with Emily. It always made the situation seem less horrible when he could see how great they were. Even with Leah's radiation poisoning. "The question is, will she fight it?"

Jacob looked to be in some pain as the thought crossed his mind. Paul shot Seth a look that clearly was pleading with him to change the subject. It didn't work out that well, so - after a long drawn out 'uhh' - Paul took charge.

"Have you talked to her since yesterday?" He was clearly talking about when he had passed out on Rachael's lap while she rubbed his back the night before. He'd woken and immediately run back to Esa's room. Jake shrugged.

"I've talked to her. She hasn't talked back." Clipped sentences again. It meant he wasn't really paying attention.

Then again, when your world is crumbling down with no hope, wouldn't you watch it fall?

"Braden has been on her mind a lot," Seth pointed out. This kid could not let up. "Do you think that she's pissed that she hasn't been talking to him often?"

"She's not pissed, she's scared." Jacob whispered, not taking his eyes off of her. The note in his voice was a little more vicious and Paul took notice quickly. Seth, again, did not. "She's absolutely terrified. She wants it to happen, she wants you know - the natural order of things or whatever. But she's scared. She hasn't...she's not ready. She wants to be, but she isn't."

Another silence. This one was uncomfortable, not filled with the wonderment of the limp girl near the toilet. Again, Seth couldn't help himself.

"When do you - I mean...do you even think it's gunna happen?" Seth whispered. The question stiffened both the boys as they took long, calming breaths.

"It will. Of course it will. How could it not?" Paul asked, his anger spiking a bit.

"But is - or isn't that what we want?" Seth asked slowly, starting to recognize the rocky ground to his questions. Jake didn't even acknowledge him.

"No."

"Then...should we panic?" Paul started to shake again from Seth's questions. He took as many deep breaths as he could. He thought of Rachel. But every time he thought of her he thought of how it would be just as painful to lose his sister. To leave her to Jake in this tangled web where he would have to hear the heartbreak from the most important person in the world...

"What the fuck do you think I've been _doing_?" Paul managed to get it out as more of a growl and he wondered whether Seth would have been able to understand were he not also a wolf.

"Well, I mean, I know, I'm just - confused I guess. No one's really giving me a straight answer about what's going on." Seth suddenly looked a lot more his age: child-like and innocent. He didn't look like the annoying kid who didn't know how to be appropriate. Paul almost felt bad for yelling at him. Almost. He rubbed Esa's back, she wriggled under his touch.

"No one has a straight answer."

"So...soon?" Seth clarified, as if they could put dates on something that hasn't happened. Something completely unplanned. Jake looked at Seth, finally tearing his eyes away from Esa before his eyes met with Paul. For some reason, the sentence seemed to mean more to the two of them, even if Seth was kind of her brother now as well. But Jake and Paul had more riding on this. Jake nodded to him to which Paul nodded back, understanding the relevance of the answer.

"Soon."

Seth sat back against the wall, he let the coolness of the wall paper calm him. He looked over at Esa, watched her in her diminishing state with pity. She was so small still, she was small and weak and somewhat elegant in her illness. She could become something if she got the chance, they just didn't know which would win: death or nature. He sighed out a long breath.

"Good."

**What were all teh hints? What were the pointing to? Is Tessa on her last week of life? I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please review!**

**-Egypt**


	9. Dealing

**Hey everyone! So, I'm moving this a little bit faster to avoid such horrid writers block. Really, it's whooping me. I can tell you now that my constant and the one that will be updated most will be **Nightfall **which is Twilight, the exact story but reworded for a better main character. And if anyone is insulted by that statement, I'm surprised you haven't noticed I'm a Bella-Basher until now. Anyway, her name is **Vivienne **and she **is **Bella Swan, but with a different name (I knew you wouldn't be able to imagine anyone else if I kept the name) and more interesting character traits. It twists the story a bit. I'm really enjoying writing it and I will have at least two chapters of that out a week until I decide to continue it or not.**

**As for this? The next chapter will be Epic. So wait in anticipation, friends!**

**Enjoy!**

"I'm back," Braden yelled, throwing his car keys down on the table nearest the door. He crammed his jacket onto the coat rack level to his head and instantly felt his hands move to his face to rub the bridge of his nose, quickly moving to press against his eyelids. He had had a terrible night's sleep full of nightmares all involving Esa-Rosa and what would soon become of her; it helped the stress really get to him today and it threw off his entire system. He knew exactly what he wanted to do now: go into Esa's room and fall asleep holding her.

He didn't know how much longer he could do it for.

He toed off his shoes, groaning as his socked feet hit the tileh. It was cold and brought him back down to earth, back into the reality of the house. It was a comfort that he didn't quite understand. He took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts and to-do list before his nap. His first order of business required him to trudge through the house calling for Paul.

"Paul's in a serious conversation outside with Sam," a voice from the kitchen informed him. "You'll have to wait for a while, I think. But I'm here."

Braden stopped in his tracks, his entire body going rigid and bristling at the sound of the voice. He was just passing the doorway to the kitchen when he slowly twisted his neck to look in.

The refrigerator door was wide open, showing the overflowing amount of food – someone had clearly gone shopping earlier in the day. Standing in the cool mist of it was Esa-Rosa. Bright, beaming, and _conscious._

"Esa!" He gasped, rushing to her side and crushing her in an embrace. She laughed as he spun her around, hitting his shoulder lightly to inform him that she wanted to be put down.

"Calm down, you don't want to make me nauseous now that I can stand!"

"You're awake! You're up! You're _eating_!" He was about to continue each announcement with vivid details she must not have caught about her appearance, but she stopped him with a smile.

"I feel great, Brae. Come on, sit down."

"I can't. I feel like if I relax or blink or move, I'm going to wake up after falling asleep in the station and you're still going to be comatose in the bed and-"

"Brae." She told fiercely, grabbing his attention. "Don't waste it." She kissed him softly on the lips with a mysterious smile - a smile she had not smiled for a long time - before sitting down with him. She made very sure that she not only had an apple, but a banana and a pear, and this confused him.

"You have to tell me what's going on, or I really _will _think I'm dreaming."

She shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know." She took a bite of the pear. "I feel like I'm in remission or something."

"You can't be," he reminded her, still trying to find the flaw in the dream. The thread that was loose so he could tear this false reality apart. "It's impossible. You came here and refused treatment. You were over the toilet for days..."

"That's the best part, isn't it?" She asked excitedly, chewing on her apple. Her silver eyes were bright as she watched him. "Well, not the toilet part - I feel amazing, Brae. Better than I have in a long time. I'm hungry," she added and for emphasis took another two bites. "Look how hungry I am!"

"It's great," he agreed, but the nagging voice inside his head wouldn't stop. It was _too _great. Hadn't he been told that this is how it started? That this is what it was - the beginning of the end. That moment of numbness and the feeling of letting go of the pain before you were consumed by it?

But Esa-Rosa didn't look in pain. In fact, Esa looked like she could do some of the old gymnastics she used to. She looked strong, her skin had more peachness to it, her hair looked thicker-

"Esa, your wig!" He exclaimed, trying to show her that she was lacking it. Her soft hair that was so short, thanks to the chemo, and much softer than it should have been when he compared it to the thicknes of her brother. She fingered it. It was longer than he would have thought, she could twist it around her finger, and she examined it with a furrowed brow.

"Does it really look that bad?"

"No!" He said quickly. "That's not what I meant, it's just - you used to hate going without it."

"Oh." She said with relief. She shrugged her shoulders, finishing off the pear before she decided to speak. "...Jake said it looked fine."

The frustration he felt was not lost on Esa, she picked up the banana and peeled it to occupy herself. He was trying not to yell at her - he didn't want to waste this moment that could pass within a split second. One turn of her stomach, one head rush, one white cell.

"Jacob said it looked fine, did he?"

"Mm." She ate some of the banana. "Something like that."

She didn't need to tell him that he had flirted with her, he already knew. Just like he always seemed to be aware that Jacob Black was too aware of Esa for her own good. He didn't want to ask about it. He was sick of it. Jake may be a few inches taller than him - four at most - and he may be built like a brick shit-house, but Braden was sure he could get in a good punch or two before he was taken out.

It was a masochistic, yet pleasant, thought.

"Have I ever told you that I love you?" Her voice was soft and when his eyes regained focus, he saw she was assessing him thoroughly, looking worried and upset. Her brow furrowed, her silver eyes glinting cautiously. He looked at her and smiled, a wry, tight smile.

"I think I've heard it once or twice."

"I do," she walked over to him and waited until he got the idea and moved his hands to the side. She sat on his lap and took the time to make herself comfortable, she took one of his hands from down at his side and curled her fingers through his. She was a little warm, but nothing unbearable. It made his stomach lurch in a strange mix of anxiety and happiness. "More than you know."

"I love you, Tessa." He whispered back, breathing in the smell of her hair while she was curling up against him. This was comfort. This was as it should be - no annoying, overgrown little boys trying to steal his girlfriend from him. His girlfriend feeling well. His girlfriend holding him with more strength than she'd had in weeks.

"Brae?"

"Yes, Tessa?" She smiled and kissed his neck softly.

"Can I ask you a serious question?"

"A serious question?" He asked her. "You know you can say anything."

"I'm not saying. I'm asking. That means it's _you _I'm getting information from. It's different." He grinned at her, wondering what her angle was.

"Don't remind me or you're going to make me say no."

"Does that mean you're saying yes?" She smiled widely, showing off her straight teeth - three years of braces and brushing twice a day. "Okay, I take it back. I'm asking a favour if you're in a 'yes' mood."

He pulled away from her to scrutinize her face, but found he couldn't be suspicious when he saw how bright her eyes were, it was like they were shining silver - like the world on a wintery night. He smiled despite himself.

"Anything."

"I want you to take me on a date."

He looked at her doubtfully, his old worries seeping in. "A date?"

"Yes, a date." She nodded. "A real date. You promised."

"Oh. 'Kay. When?" He was suspicious as he watched her while she thought for a millisecond, he realized by the short pause she must have been planning this all day.

"Tonight." She stated firmly.

"Tonight?"

"Tonight." She said again, this time with a smile.

"You're sure?" Her smile faltered as she looked at him worriedly.

"You're not?"

He clutched her to him. He had gotten his Tessa back, his Esa-Rosa, his angel. She looked more like herself than he could remember her looking. It was like he had no option but to say yes, to give into her every demand. He could not let the dream end because he was too cautious.

"Of course I am." He smiled. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know...I've never been on a date." She smiled. "What are you supposed to do on first dates?"

"Movies? Dinner?" He suggested.

"Both?" She asked hopefully. He seriously doubted that she would last through both, no matter how miraculous her condition was, it was human nature to get tired out, especially if the body is prone to tiring. But he was willing to give her whatever she wanted - he'd find a way to give her his soul if she asked for it.

"For you, love, anything." He kissed her forehead. "On one condition."

She groaned, her eyes rolling and her hands dropping. "I hate your conditions."

"This one isn't that bad." She glared at him in disbelief - and for good reason.

"You need to nap." She looked about to protest. "Not nap for hours or anything, just get into bed and see if you fall asleep. Stay in there for half an hour and if you fall asleep, you fall asleep. I'll come-"

"That's what you say to toddlers to get them to go to bed!"

"I'll come in and get you after the half hour. If you fall asleep, I'll stay there with you-" he did not let her in on the secret that he simply would be in there to make sure Jacob remained out, "and if not, I'll get you ready. I need to look up movie times."

She looked doubtful but he believed with high hopes that she would just accept his condition and steal into her bedroom for the minimum of a half an hour. The more he thought about her going up into her room the more he _needed _her to do it.

"You won't make it through a movie, no matter how much better you feel." He added boldly. He watches her indecision, watched her argue with herself before a large smile split across her face like the cheshire cat. She kissed him briefly on the lips.

"Half hour. Holding you to it. And if I _do _fall asleep - which I won't - you better be there when I wake up. Or you just might not get that first date kiss." She shrugged innocently and Braden watched her in shock while she gracefully spun on her toes. Halfway through her spin, she decided that was not what she wanted to do and she spun around the rest of the way, grabbing the apple off of the table and winking before skipping upstairs.

"You better at least try!" He yelled at her.

"You didn't work that into the negotiation!" She yelled back.

He smiled.

Braden actually smiled.

There was a moment, who knew how long this moment would last, where Esa-Rosa Scillings was alive, well, and _better._ She was the normal, bubbly self he had only ever seen in his dreams and he suddenly felt as if she would not break beneath his fingers or turn to ash like in his nightmares.

Tessa was alive.

But there was something very wrong.

Just yesterday she had been hanging off the toilet bowl when he had returned home, the boys crowded around her, ready to help her out of the confined space when she felt strong enough to remove herself from the area around the vomit-express. This did not come for many more hours after he had joined them in the bathroom and Jacob had stormed out.

Those symptoms do not just go away after 24 hours. Not for no reason.

He listened for Tessa upstairs, listening for any movement, even music playing. There was nothing. He knew she had excellent hearing, so he knew he would have to be quiet. Though even if Tessa was better, it would not surprise him if she would be asleep in three minutes. She was the girl who was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow - feeling ill or not.

He thought about it for a long moment. About her miraculous recovery. About what it could mean - more likely death than life. More likely a warning that nothing was okay at all. That her body was now running on adrenaline. On endorphins that for some reason were being thrust through her blood stream. He closed his eyes - he knew what this meant. Why he had asked her to go upstairs, he had wanted it to be just an idea at the back of his mind, but he knew now that it was something that had to happen. Subconsciously he knew why she was asleep and he had not just gone with her. It had been a plan before he had plotted it out.

He walked up to the phone hanging on the wall in the kitchen, taking it off the wall. Dialing the familiar number, it only took two rings before there was the shuffling of a phone being picked up and moved.

"Esa?" Ah, yes. Caller ID. He looked behind his back again and kept his voice low.

"Sorry, Mr. Scillings. It's me, Braden." His voice should have been familiar to Tessa's father by now, but it was always nice to go with formalities. Braden was raised as a higher class gentleman - wealthy, polite, and scathingly obedient.

"Ah, Braden! Are you calling in secret, I take it?"

"Pretty much, sir."

"Do you have news for me, son?" The shaky remark was one the man used often to remind Braden how close he could be to Esa, he winced. Somehow, it still felt like a betrayal of her trust - though it was for the greater good of her health.

"Uh, kind of, yeah. Tessa's feeling..." he tried to pick the right word. Picturing her bright eyes ad the excited skip up the stairs. "She's feeling wonderful."

"Wonderful?" He asked doubtfully. "Explain."

"Well, yesterday she was terrible: under the weather, around the toilet, weak enough she couldn't walk to her own room."

"And today?"

"Today when I came home she was in the fridge searching for food."

"_Really_?" It did not sound like an excited tone, nor a disbelieving tone, more like an inbetween of interest.

"Yes, sir. She ate a pear and a banana right in front of me. I have no doubts that she ate more before I got there and when I sent her to bed, she took an apple with her."

"From the state you described to me three days ago, she didn't sound ready to eat anything. Not close to it." He grumbled, almost as if he thought Braden was pulling a fast one on him.

"I know. That was my thought, too. But I saw it with my own eyes."

There was a pause as he mused to himself on the other line.

"I do believe you, Braden. You're a good man. I think we should still go along with this little plan of mine."

Braden felt his face contort. "I don't think she's going to want to leave, sir."

"I don't care if she doesn't want to leave, you're going to _make _her leave."

"You know I can't do that, Mr. Scillings." He tried to make his voice strong, but he could tell it wavered and he knew that the moment of weakness would be taken under the man's advantage.

"You can and you _will._ Do you love Esa-Rosa, boy?" The sting through the phone was painful. Braden closed his eyes to calm himself.

"With my entire being," he whispered.

"And you want her to get the help she needs?"

"Of course...but what if she-"

"She isn't in remission, Braden. That's why she ran away. Don't be fooled by any of her acts to seem better." Braden pulled a face on the other side of the line.

"What I saw today was not an act, sir."

"Alright. Well what about those other boys you said hang around? Seth? Jake? My son? Do they seem concerned?"

"They're not here right now. He-" he took a deep breath, realizing his mistake as Jacob Black swam into the forefront of his mind. "_They _won't want her to leave, either."

"And you have cared what they want over my daughters well-being since when?"

Braden's jaw clenched. "Never."

"Good boy." He taunted. "I want you to bring her home to me."

"I know, sir, but it's not going to be as easy - she's making me take her out tonight and it's more than a sign that she's happy here..."

"Blast her being happy, I want her alive!" His voice was so loud on the other end that Braden had to hold the phone away from his face.

"So do I."

"Then bring her back to me." His voice was low and threatening and Braden felt as if he were shrinking away from the receiver.

"She won't come easily."

"You just said you love her. Get yourself unwrapped from her finger and do some twisting of your own." He pushed. "Any measures that you need to use are necessary."

"You want me to manipulate her?"

"If you must." His voice changed on the other end. "Unless you want someone else to do it to make her stay."

Braden knew he had mentioned Jake a few too many times to him and now he knew the competition between them. His words hit a chord, hit a very painful chord like a minor note of a requiem in his chest. He squirmed under the silence on the other end - there was no comfort coming from Esa's father, just judgement as he waited for Braden's consent or refusal.

To consent would mean pushing Tessa away from her home and into the hands of her father, who would make her do exactly what she didn't want until she was dead - with no moment of peace towards the end.

But if he refused, he would not get to see Tessa before the end of her time because he knew, he could see, he could _feel _as she drifted off towards Jacob Black. Away from him and towards the man with the intense stare.

"Braden, do you agree?"

A darkness filled and angrily hazed the thoughts that jumbled there. The thought of Tessa in a coffin. The thought of Jacob Black crying over it - crying _in _it with her as his arm drapes over her torso like when he had caught them in bed together how many nights before? felt his inside cool. What if that was his plan? To be the one with her at the end while pushing Braden out of the way?

Braden needed to get Tessa away from Jacob Black before Jacob Black got Tessa away from _him._

"Consider it done."

His whole body was sweating with guilt, the heat radiating through him as he slammed the receiver back on the port. His head was held high as he finalized the deal and tried to harden his features. This was for the better - for the good of his relationship.

What was that saying?

"All is fair in love and war," he whispered to himself, trying to reconcile his conscience.

"Not much of a war you're fighting."

Braden spun around to look up, into the eyes of an enraged Jacob Black. Jacob's hair had been cut recently, again, but he still wore it long and shaggy. He looked stronger and more intimating than normal, which was saying something, but Braden knew it was mere self-consciousness because he had been caught in such a traitorous act. But there was something about the anger in Jacob's face that let Braden think perhaps it was not the guilt that made him look so vicious. The bags under his eyes seemed to have lost their purple sheen, but they were still deeply carved into his facial structure. And the eyes that these deep ridges lined were wild and furious.

Jacob grabbed Braden's shirt collar and slammed him up against the wall beside the phone he had just been on. His back felt like it would welt with the pressure Jacob had thrown at him and Braden tried not to look fearful or hurt, but could not help the shock that he knew lit his face.

"What are you doing?" Braden demanded.

"What are _you _doing?" Jacob accused. "You really think calling her Dad is going to change _anything_?"

"How'd you know it wa-"

"Oh please," he scoffed. "You were basically grovelling at his feet. What's he offering you? Her hand in marriage? You think she'll be here long enough to keep you around?"

Braden's eyes hardened. Suddenly, he was too angry to be scared.

"She definitely won't have enough time to fall in love with an asshole like you," he could tell he had deflated the guy's ego. "Yeah. That's what you want, isn't it? Just enough time to take her from me? Guess what, you don't have it."

"You want to bet?" Jacob smiled, darkly. "I've already dug deeper than you can know."

The threat rocked him. "You haven't had time."

"I've had _so _much time. And I'm sure she'll love knowing about your little talks with her father." Braden's eyes widened. "Ah, there's a weak spot. You don't want her to be mad. Guess you shouldn't have called her old man."

"What do you _want_?"

"That should be obvious." Jake scoffed.

"Tessa," Braden hissed. "Well you can't have her."

"All I know," Jake smiled. "Is that you _don't _have her."

"That's not true at all!" Braden argued in outrage. "You obviously don't get it. _I'm _her boyfriend, that's _my _ring she wears, _I'm _taking her on her first date tonight. Not you."

"I'm sick of this," Jake took the pressure off his back but very stiffly left his hands on the collar of his shirt.

"What are you going to do?" Braden asked with narrowed eyes.

"Tell her, of course."

"Why? Don't you get what we're trying to do? This could be the sign that we're about to lose her! This could be it - the end, that numbness before she dies!"

"She certainly doesn't _seem _numb, don't you think?"

"You're in denial." Braden felt a stab of pity for him and there was a moment where the bags under his eyes and his slumped shoulders reminded Braden of himself - when he knew that the end was coming for her. "You don't want to admit what's happening. I've already been through it. She's dying. I get that. I'm going to try to keep her living as long as I can."

"She is happiest with a shorter amount of time and more _people. _Experiences." He argued with cold eyes.

"She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's just so scared that she's going to end up like her friend Jackie who lives in the hospital and c-"

"She can't leave because she got so bad that even though she's looking better, they think she's due for a relapse any day, I know."

Braden looked at him for a moment in shock. "She told you about Jackie?"

"She tells me about a lot of things."

This seemed strange and almost suspicious. Tessa did not talk about Jackie anymore, she thought that saying it aloud would make it come true - she thought the moment she mentioned Jackie's name, Jackie would keel over dead in her hospital room in Canada. He winced, she believed it so much that even he was nervous about it.

But it wasn't like Tessa to tell Jacob these things.

"Are you listening to her talk in her sleep or something?"

"Oh yeah, she's a conversation queen when she's passed out." Jacob rolled his eyes and let Braden go. "You gunna go beg for mercy before I tell her, I guess?"

"Why don't you get it?" Braden asked in annoyance. "We just want her to get to a doctor. We just want her to talk to someone who knows what's going on - so _we _can know what's going on. We want to know if she's getting better, worse, we want dates. We _need _to know dates_. _So just let me take her back-"

"No." Jacob said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Jake, this isn't about you or me, this is about her."

"Is it, though? Really?" For some reason, Braden couldn't even convince himself that it was. He thoughts flashed to her twirling for the apple and shook his head. Stay on track.

"Of course it is."

Jacob weighed him up, watching him through smoldering, coal-coloured eyes. He tilted his head a bit, as if trying to see if he held his gaze enough to make Braden do the same. Braden tried not to blink, just because he had noticed that Jake didn't, but he failed. In fact, the analyses took so long that Braden even got skittish.

But it was because he could tell Jacob was skittish. Some form of internal dilemma that Braden was not hearing kept his eyes weighing the options that had he and Tessa on one side, and life with loneliness on the other. Or maybe it was more complicated than that. It seemed to be, because of the full minute of silence that passed.

"Fine." Jacob said finally his voice low.

Braden, now very anxious, looked left and right as if the answer could be found in the air around him. "Fine?"

"Yeah, fine."

"You're going to let me take her to the hospital?" He asked in shock. Had that been all it would take? A staring contest? Would the rest of Jacob's desires be quenched so easily?

"To a doctor," he corrected. Braden nodded. "And no."

"No?" Braden asked, a frustrated red seeping up his neck.

"Nope. I'm going to bring one here."

Braden's eyebrows raised. "You are?"

"Mm." He confirmed, somewhat negatively. He reached his arm out and against his will, Braden flinched with how close the bigger man was. Jacob paused, hand in midair, and smirked at him. "Cool your jets, man."

He took his hand and moved it to the phone hanging beside Braden, pulling it off and pressing in a number that he seemed to have memorized. He glared at Braden as he pulled it to his ear.

"Hey, Bells," Braden was surprised by how soft his voice was. Jake's voice had never sounded like that when directed to him and he wondered if there was a reason for it, a reason that began the moment he stepped through that front door... "No, I'm not in the mood to chat."

Braden threw him a glare. "Girlfriend?" He asked lowly.

Jacob's eyes narrowed. "Put your husband on the phone, will you?"

_Thwarted_.

"Nice cover."

"No, just put Edward on - okay, fine, Alice then." He threw Braden another look. "She with her husband too? 'Kay, then, Carlisle?"

A pause, a growing pause.

"What's up, Doc?" He waited. "Yeah, I need a favour."

Braden was flabbergasted by the ease of the conversation.

"Mm. Yeah, he can hear? How does that even-" Jake shook his head. "Whatever. I don't care. Screw off, Edward. I need you to come down to La Push."

A long pause.

"Sure, sure; I can assure you that can be moved aside for this."

Another pause.

"Yup. Just a kid."

"She's not a kid, she's nineteen." Braden hissed.

"Oh yeah," Jacob muttered, darkly again. "That's Brae-"

"_Braden _to you, Jacob."

"Yeah, he's a grump." Pause. "As soon as you can."

"Sooner than that, if it's possible." Braden whispered to himself. Jake ignored him and softly rammed his fist into the wall as he listened to the other side of the phone.

"Tomorrow? Want me to pick you up?" Pause. "No, you can come right through...Because _I _said so."

"Oh, so you're that arrogant _all _the time."

Pointed glare. "No, her asshole boyfriend won't let her out of the house so you have to come straight here. I can't bring her out."

A silence.

"You heard that, Edward? Good. No - not my house, Paul's."

"Why would she be at _your _house?" But there was a moment where Braden lost all his anger and bit back any more comments so that he could make room for his bewilderment.

Jacob had melted in front of his eyes - shoulders slumping, head heavy, eyes suddenly purple and bruised with pain again. Even his voice, seemed shadowed as he spoke.

"Yes. Yes I did."

Another painful pause. "No. I don't know yet."

This pause wasn't merely dreadful as the giant's voice came out choked. "Yes. Yes she will."

"What are you _saying_?" Braden hissed.

Jacob threw his glare on him again and he shrank back a tad from the surprise of it. The glare continued as he finished the phone conversation.

"Tomorrow. Call me before you cross. I'll get you. Sure, sure, I'll go talk to him now."

Then, he hung up the phone. Without another look towards Braden, Jacob Black walked out of the kitchen.

"So, a Doctor's coming for Esa?" He asked to Jacob's back.

"Oh yeah. Someone's coming for her. For both our sakes, just hope he doesn't like her, too."

**Well, I hope you liked it. Please read **Nightfall **and please Review. The amount of readers I get in comparison to reviews is startling. Thank you!**

**-Egypt**


	10. Diagnosis

**Hey everyone! This is a **double **update. I'm sorry for the delay but I promise this is a good one and the next one will be EPIC. For those of you who have tried to guess what's going on, or have guessed properly - of which I will mention next chapter - you're about to see it all! I sincerely hope that you enjoy it, I tried to write it as well as I could. So please, give it a good read :)**

**Special thanks and chapter dedication go to **ChocolateButtons**,** Angel of the Night Watchers**,** lottie14b**,** Requiemaeternam**, and **Pixiedust Fairy **for their wonderful reviews! Thank you so much for your reviews, really, they are so appreciated! I'm glad you're enjoying it and for those of you who mentioned **Jacob/Esa **cuteness - it's only getting better! **

**On a totally unrelated note, I've been reading some fanfiction lately; particularly Harry Potter fanfictions which are** Draco/OC **mixes after seeing the movie. I found a very good story called **_Green Eyed Monster _**by** _darkdecember. _**It's been getting a lot of knocks because she put on the anonymous reviews and has only gotten flamers because of the slightly stereotyped idea, but it is well written. The character happens to be named Tessa, but this girl is a good friend and I promise she is a good writer. Please give her some support - her stories are more than worthy of this site and cruel people are getting her down. So if you like** Harry Potter's sister **and **Draco/OC **fanfictions, please go check it out! **

**But back to my updates, I hope you enjoy this one! Go check out **_Nightfall! _

"_Food won't save you_!" Tessa screamed at her door which Braden had just ducked behind to save himself from the baseball she had whipped at his head. He didn't really have to know that she appreciated the thought, knowing she was so hungry and that she probably would forgive him in a heartbeat were he not needing such a strong lesson.

The nerve! Calling her father and trying to get her to go back to Canada! What kind of sit-com was that? What kind of sick mind was so obsessed with a sick girl?

She sighed...of course, a lovesick fool.

And _Jacob! _Jacob was supposed to have been on her side, not ramming her boyfriend against walls and calling a doctor to make a house call. Did doctors even do that anymore?

She was very disappointed in Braden, but not angry. She was more angry with Jake. She knew she should be mad with Braden too, but she was too upset she had to cancel their first date just because he was being such a dick. She was mad at Jacob because he knew better - he knew her anger against hospitals and doctors and he was supposed to be removed enough from the situation to listen and empathize with those problems...

Clearly she had done something wrong. But even that felt wrong because everything else felt _right. _Her body was working, acting, responding, feeling exactly like it should. It worked for her and acted when she thought, it responded to each command and it felt like a real, live body.

"You can _try,_" Braden hissed through the door. She didn't need to guess who his cold tone was towards. "I think she'd only let in Paul about now."

"Piss off." Jake growled, rapping lightly on her door.

"Go away," she grumbled.

"Can't I just explain myself?" Jacob asked in that voice that he only ever used for her, but mostly she heard it in her dreams. She heard Jake speak all the time, even when he thought she was too unconscious to, and even though a lot of it didn't make sense in her foggy mind she still was comforted by knowing he was with her.

"_Piss off_." She quoted.

"Tessie, please. I really need to talk to you," Jake begged. She shook her head.

"Neither one of you backstabbing asses are coming into this room and that is _final_!" Jacob opened the door anyway. Brave. She was fast as her eyes darted all around her, trying to find something to whip at him. Nothing.

"Are you really going to throw something at me, Tessie?" Jacob asked sadly, his eyes large as a puppy dogs. Esa narrowed her eyes at him.

"Yes."

"Tessa, I really just want you to-"

"I don't care." Esa rolled around on her bed so she wasn't facing him. "Go away, traitor."

She closed her eyes as she heard his footsteps approach her bed. When she felt his weight tip the other side of the bed, she squeezed her eyes tighter, praying that she could disappear under the sheets so he couldn't find her. She couldn't even swamp herself in them; she was so warm which lead him to putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Tessa?" Her resolve began to crumble. She wanted to throw her shoulder out of his grip but at the same time could barely think of it. She was glad Braden hadn't been brave enough to do this - she would have just folded in his arms.

"What?"

"I _had _to. No one would have let you stay. This will be...for the best, I think. I hope. I just..." he sighed and she couldn't help noticing how she hung on each word. It was very rare that Jake stumbled like this and she wished she could find the reason why.

"Just leave me alone." She whispered, forcing the words out before she could regret them.

There was a long pause. "Anything for you," he whispered, lingering a moment before she felt his hand leave her skin and another long moment before the bed levelled out.

"Jake," she grabbed his attention just before she heard him leave her room. She heard the footsteps stop. "You know that this diagnosis could be the death of me, right? I mean it. It's pretty clear I'm going to die soon. This could mean that it's the end and you're just letting it walk through that door to get me."

The words were cruel and pointed; she knew that they were probably like a knife to him, or was it only a knife to her own chest? She knew he cared and she knew she shouldn't blame whatever her diagnosis may be on him, but she didn't want to know if she was better or worse. She didn't want to know her white cell count or her blood pressure - she knew that she felt good. That should be all that mattered right now. For someone who didn't even remember what feeling good was, this was a Godsend. Surely he wasn't planning to just end it now after giving her this taste of humanity?

"I'm sorry Tessie - but I don't think that's an option anymore."

Not an option? She turned around, her curiosity getting the better of her, to ask him what he meant by that, but he was already gone. She turned back around in her bed.

What was going on in her life? Did people who weren't preparing for death commonly go through this? She would never know, because she knew that what she had said to Jake was true. She was waiting under the covers of her death bed, hoping that if she couldn't see it, maybe it wouldn't happen.

But it would. It would come as sure as the dawn and just like the dawn, there was no stopping it. She knew that her life was crumbling around her but she didn't want to do anything about it, because that would mean coming out from the covers and talking to Death himself and Death was not merciful. Death was not kind. Death was cold, hard, cruel, and most importantly: Death was final.

And it wasn't only the final decision for her. What of Paul? Of Braden? Or Jacob? Of her mother and father and stepmother? Of her friends - new, old, from the hospital, and those already gone? They would be hurt. She hoped she wasn't being too presumptuous thinking that, but they would be upset. They'd be sad to see her go and mad that she had been so careless with her last moments. If only they knew, if only they could understand...

"Don't make me leave Paul," she whispered to herself, tears pooling around her irises. "I need him."

"Hey, Little One." Esa-Rosa actually jumped when she heard Paul's voice. She was surprised she hadn't heard him go up the stairs, but she was glad he was here. She turned her red eyes to him.

"Hi-lo Sunshine."

"Not so sunny right now," he grumbled, taking two steps into her room. It landed him right near the end of her bed. "The doctor's here."

"Already?" She squeaked, a shiver running down her spine. "I thought he'd be hours away!"

"He drives fast," Paul shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, but he was obviously a little peeved. Esa shook her head.

Footfalls and unfamiliar voices sounded downstairs. Braden's excited voice was humming with fast words, Jake's lower voice grunted quietly. There were many other voices - bell-like voices that were much prettier than her humbler, raspier tones. She winced as her stomach rolled.

"When you say he, do you mean an army?"

"Basically," Paul hissed in aggravation. "He brought his family with him. It's kind of the condition of Jake's favour. His wife, son and his son's wife are here."

"_Why_?" She hissed. "I'm not going down there - I don't have my wig."

"You don't need your wig." Paul's voice was sad. She shook her head.

"I'm not going down there if I don't have my wig."

He sighed, "alright, then where is it?"

She sank deeper into her sheets. "I don't know."

"Liar."

"Screw you, Sunshine! I hate doctors!"

"He needs to examine you. You don't even want to know where he came from, so why don't you just get it over with so he can leave?"

"What," Esa looked at him pointedly. "Don't you like him?"

"Not really," he admitted hesitantly. She huffed. "But that doesn't mean he's not a good doctor, so come on. Get out of bed; get down those stairs, get the 'good to go' and then I'll take you out for ice cream."

"Ice cream?" She perked up. She hadn't had ice cream in years and since she had ignored the food that Braden had gotten her, she was starving.

"Any size, any cone, any flavour, and toppings...just get the okay. I need to talk to you about whatever he's going to say..."

Her blood froze. Ah, here it was. He was finally buckling down and preparing himself for the death talk, she could see it in his eyes. The graveness, the worry - the pity. The thing she specifically could not keep eye contact with him over. It was wrong to see this look of fear within him. She turned away again.

"I'm not going."

"Esa," he whined, "please don't make me look stupid when I go down there without you."

"I could beat you up a bit if it would help your story." She offered; he did not pause between their answers.

"That would make it a million times worse."

"Then stop complaining." She reasoned out. Silence fell as she could feel the room heat up in his anger, the next time he spoke his voice as a low, angry growl.

"Esa-Rosa if you do not come downstairs to let this doctor talk to you, I will personally haul you downstairs in the most embarrassing and painful way possible. Now get your ass downstairs!"

"You're not _that_ big and tough. Not you, not Braden, not even big-ass _Jacob _could pry me from this bed!" She screamed at him. They used to always have these kinds of fights - they were both as hot-headed as children. Then again, she was not so hot-headed now…or at least, not commonly.

"Esa," he hissed, his voice low and warning.

"Just make him go away." But her voice didn't come out strong like she had intended, it came out as she actually felt: weak and scared. His eyes automatically softened.

"He just has to talk to you, Esa. Then he'll go away."

"No he won't! Then it will be chemo and needles and money and transfusions and funeral arrangements!" She closed her eyes. "Does La Push cemetery have any room?"

"Esa, stop." But now she was ranting hysterically and very, very scared. A terrible combination to comfort a loved one.

"Think about it, that's all doctors want. They want to help people whether it be to get better or to die easy. There's _obviously _only one option for me."

"Tessa, _stop._"

"You know how much I hate the cold and I'm going to be in a cold coffin six feet under your feet and you're not even going to remember how much I hate these stupid doctors! Really, have the past nine years been forgotten or do you think this is a routine check up because he's looking for patterns in blood cells and the answer is, he's not going to find any healthy ones, if any normal cells at all-"

"Tessa, _STOP!_"

Paul was seizuring, that's the only way to describe it. He looked like he was seizuring and it terrified Esa to the point that she could not move. She watched as his eyes watered from how tightly they were closed and as his fists vibrated like the wings of a hummingbird, his body blurred in and out of focus in such a dangerous way she had a feeling that Paul would just disappear.

"Paul?"

No answer. The shaking continued.

"Paul...please tell me you're okay."

The seizuring began to calm, slowly, very slowly. Over moments that could have been seconds, minutes or possibly hours. Then, before she could say another word to him, he spun on his heel and walked out of the room. She called after him, but to no avail.

She heard the door slam.

Paul was gone.

More words were being exchanged downstairs, but she did not listen to them because she was too distraught with herself. Okay, maybe she had said too much, but that was just how her mind worked. She had a very vivid imagination and if it were ever triggered it was just a black hole of imagination.

Footsteps did, however, break her from her reverie. She shrugged deeper into her blankets as she heard Braden clear his throat.

"This is my girlfriend," he explained loud enough to let her know that she was supposed to greet them. She snorted quietly. "Esa-Rosa."

"Go away." She moaned into her pillow, she was very aware that she still did not have her wig on. "I don't want people in here."

"Esa, the doctor's here to help you. And this is his son, Edward who is a medical student, and his wife Bella. Come on, sweetheart, please."

She groaned again. "No offence Doctor, but I hate doctors."

"That's alright, Esa-Rosa. Please, would you mind letting me do a quick check of everything?"

"No."

"Tessie," Jake's voice seemed loud even though he whispered it. It sent a shiver down her spine just hearing it. She was still so mad and she knew that if she turned around to look at him, she would never be able to retain her anger. God, if only he wouldn't address her like that, in that _voice, _and if he just wouldn't look at her with those _eyes. _If he didn't, things would have been so much easier. Death would have been so much easier.

"What?" She snapped aggressively.

"Please." He was pleading. He could have been on his hands and knees asking her for water, that was how desperate it sounded. It pulled a harsh chord in her chest that made her bite her lip. So much pain - she couldn't stand that.

She turned over, Braden sat at her side immediately and Jacob kicked the ground bashfully. Her eyes flickered uneasily to the other figures around her - five of them.

Wiggles was there, so was Sam and three other people she could not recognize. A younger man who looked more like an intern than a registered doctor who had bright blonde hair and warm golden eyes. You could tell he was a good man; he looked it and reeked of it with his kindness. There were two others, barely older than herself, who were just as stunning. It hurt to see such beauty come to tell her that the beauty of the world would soon end for her.

Esa looked away, the tears prickling her eyes were as much traitors as Jacob and Braden were for bringing them here. She felt like she was being suffocated by the presence of them - like her life was ending and she was choking on the company. She coughed to clear her throat of the swell.

"Hi."

"Hello, Esa-Rosa. My name is Carlisle, this is Edward and Bella," the blonde man introduced.

"You can call me Esa. Or Tessa. Or Tess. Or Tessie-"

"Or Little One." Jared added. Esa narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm _not_ little." She turned her eyes back to Carlisle with a blush. "Take your pick."

"That's alright. Esa, was it? It's so nice to meet you. I was wondering if I could give you a quick check up to ensure your doing okay."

"If you want a cell count, you can just say so." She muttered, shooting a glance to Braden, who winced.

"I'm sorry Esa, but it's what should happen." Braden took her hand and kissed it, then kissed the ring on her finger. She bit her lip, wishing she could just kiss him. "You know I just want to make sure you're okay and to do that I have to have all the facts."

"I know, Brae." She whispered, squeezing his hand, but her eyes were severe. If she was going to do this, she would do it her way. "Why don't you go call my Dad to let him know?"

He swallowed. "Esa-"

"Go. I don't want you here for this."

His eyes were sad and hurt, but she couldn't have him here for the diagnosis. She could just imagine the pain she would cause him if he were to hear that she was not doing well. She wouldn't be able to hold his hand or to see him as he disintegrated in front of her. She couldn't handle that again. It would be like the last time she had seen him and oh, Jackie had given her the low-down of what had happened when she wasn't there to comfort him.

The jolt she felt from thinking about Jackie hardened her resolve.

"Go." She said again. Braden stood and made to move for the door but stopped, his voice lowering.

"What about them?" he pointed to the other invasive statues in the room - Sam, Jared and Jacob.

"I'm the happy thought." Jared assured.

"I'm staying." Jake said quickly, with a rush to his words that seemed to make everyone in the room look at him with a raised brow. He got defensive quickly. "I'm the common denominator here."

"You say that as if you're considered my friend," Esa muttered. He winced, looking at her with sad eyes but no response.

"He didn't betray you, Tess," Sam sighed. "Braden had called your dad, you know that-"

"Still don't care." Her eyes glared at Jacob. "You made a call too - no offence, doctor. I am sure you're great. Just not what I want right now."

Carlisle smiled at her; she bit her lip to stop herself from talking anymore. What had gotten into her? She knew that she hated doctors, she always had, and she knew that she was basically hysterical, but she had never been rude. She was being so rude to these people who had come at Jacob's whim so that they could make sure she was okay for him; she was also so sure that Jake had only done it with good intentions. She just expected so much more of him - she had trusted him with things she couldn't tell Braden. She dreamed about all the things she'd love to tell him but could never find the words...like Jackie. She had been really thrown off the week before when she had gotten an email from Jackie's mother saying she wasn't doing well and the dream that night was full of comforting words.

Maybe she was finally cracking under all the pressure and she was upset that Jacob and Braden weren't acting like the glue they said they could be. Then again, she should never trust Jake with such a feat anyway. It was Braden's job. Even if they fought tooth and nail for it - ha, even for how tall they were she was more intimidating than their immature arguments.

Edward chuckled quietly, making her eyes snap to him. He had quieted himself quickly but she wondered what the boys had done while she was lost in thought that had made him laugh in the first place.

Edward was beautiful - not that she hadn't noticed as soon as he walked in the door, but she had been distracted with disappointment. He was, though. Noticeably. Palpably. He was pale, tall and strong with very intelligent golden eyes and copper hair. He was statuesque, really.

His wife was just as stunning. Just as pale, willowy in figure - but something told her that she was taller than Bella was. Not that she was usually taller than anyone. Strangely, she had the same golden eyes as the doctor and her husband - what a rare occurrence. Then again thanks to a surgery Esa now had silver eyes, which won for rare and strange? But besides all that, Esa couldn't help but feel nauseous with envy.

Bella had long, dark, beautiful hair. She had never seen hair so wonderful, soft, or perfect - it seem to rip at her stomach with jealousy. Was this really the girl that Jacob had talked about? His best friend? Jacob had had many insinuations in his voice every time her name was mentioned, so perhaps there had been something more...

It made Esa feel more upset. Bella was perfect - her hair, her kindness, she had been fun, she was so obviously in love and functional, she was healthy and that _hair_...how could Esa ever compare when Jake was used to that?

Not that she had that option, of course. She was happily with Braden and that was it. There was no more to the conversation; what a strange stray thought.

"Would you mind if I took a blood sample?" Carlisle asked, breaking her out of her reverie. She shook her head, shocked by her lack of concentration.

"I'd mind, but I'll let you anyway."

He smiled at her. "Well thank you, Esa."

She turned her head to the side and ignored the cold swabs on the inside of her elbow to sterilize the area, ignored the band wrapped around her bicep. Nothing was happening, she was not about to panic. Not in front of these people, it would be the ultimate embarrassment.

"Would you like anything from the kitchen, Esa? I was thinking of going down to get a glass of water." Edward piped up. She took a thankful breath, hoping no one noticed.

"That'd be great, thanks." She smiled. "What food is down there, guys? Anything I'd like?" She asked the boys, who shrugged.

"I'll take Jacob down with me," Edward smiled and while she was thankful he wouldn't have to see her blood get taken, she was terrified of being left alone. "Bella, Jacob, would you follow me? Jared, Sam, you can stay with her, can't you?"

Please say yes, she thought worriedly.

"I'm not leaving her alone in the hands of her worst fear!" Jared smiled. "I've got this."

She tried not to tear up, "thanks, Wiggles."

He smiled widely. "No problem, Little One."

She was distracted from the three beautiful people departing by the prick in her arm. It made her whimper but she calmed the worried expressions with an easy "I'm okay" and a slightly hysterical laugh.

"I don't need a lot," Carlisle assured. She did not tell him he didn't need any. Death was expected at this point - the examination was unnecessary.

She felt the needle taken out of her arm and even faster noticed that he had a bandage over it. Looking to Carlisle she smiled at him as he explained what he was doing for Sam, Jared and herself. He pulled out a little microscope, like something people would have used in high school classes and put my blood on a slide while Jared plugged it in.

Esa was about to argue that it really didn't seem professional to do a blood count with such ridiculous equipment but was distracted by the five who came in. Paul led in Edward, Bella, Jacob, and Braden into her bedroom - she was really feeling crowded - while Carlisle examined the slide.

He looked like a university bio student...which unnerved her.

Edward was leaning over, stealing glances every time Carlisle would write on his notepad. They seemed to be whispering to each other, but even Esa's great hearing wasn't able to identify the words.

Instead, she was back to fawning over Bella. She was standing beside Jacob now, a hand rubbing his back as she watched her husband and father-in-law. It seemed ridiculous that she would be touching Jake at all, really. She had her gorgeous boyfriend, she had her own type of beauty, and she shouldn't be pouncing on Tessa's territory.

Not that Jacob was hers. No matter what her mind kept imagining, he was not hers and there was no way she could be his.

"Braden," she called, watching Jacob's face fall at the same time Edward called out "Bella". Bella was at his side in a heartbeat and he was fluttering his lips near her ear, her eyes snapping to me. Yes, stay with your husband and leave my friends with me, Tessa thought, only to look away from the hurt on Jacob's face guiltily. She buried her head into Braden's chest.

"Shh, it's okay. We're going to know soon," he soothed, but it was not the comfort she wanted. She didn't want assurances. She didn't want to know anything. She wanted affection; something she knew was out of line considering the populace of her room.

"Brae-"

"I'm here." He wrapped his arms around her and rocked her softly. She took comfort in it, calming down a surprising amount, though she was not close to being out of the water. Being in love with Braden did not make her immortal.

"Alright," the doctor set his eyes on Jacob, looking at him with a mask of hidden meaning. She could not make out what was being said as the man stood up and looked at him. "You were right."

"No," he whispered, closing his eyes and trembling, Esa's eyes widened; she had seen this very few times from him.

"Jake, please...calm down. What were you right about?" The nerves were eating at her - he had been so optimistic that she had time left so that he could help her with her list, so that he could live with her for a while...had he bet on life or an early death?

"Jacob, I think you should stay and-"

"I can't, Carlisle! I can't-"

And just like Paul had before, Jake dashed out the door. Tessa went to go follow him but Braden held her back and set her on the bed.

"Jake," Tessa cried out, tears filling her eyes. She knew now. She knew her fate. Now all that was left was to hear it come from him - the doctor. The man who was about to end her life with a simple phrase. Should she start planning her funeral? Should she tell everyone that she knew exactly how she wanted it, that it had been planned since she was twelve?

"I'll go get him," Bella offered getting up to go. My eyes flashed to her in anger - if Esa was not allowed to go get him, his possible ex-lover with the gorgeous hair and endless compassion was not allowed to either. Well, her jealousy was not aloud to get that out of hand again. Edward grabbed Bella's arm.

"No. Let me," Edward whispered something to her as he walked calmly out the door, not bothering to call after the tall man who had ran far ahead.

"What did the blood count say?" Braden asked, apparently the only one who could find his voice.

Carlisle sighed, "the count was not as enthusiastic we had hoped, I'm afraid."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that the mutated cells are fighting against the 'regular' cells more vigorously - and they seem to be winning. They're slowing normal cell production, which is-"

"Killing me." Esa finished, taking a deep breath. The suffocation was more pronounced more now. Now that he and Bella invaded her room and left her with no escape from reality, more now that she knew people were watching her. More now that she could feel the pity leaking through their eyes.

"Would you like me to speak more to you about my findings?" Carlisle asked her, a look of pity in his eyes.

"No," she whispered, breaking herself from Braden's arms. "I know what it means. Talk to him - he won't believe it without you laying it out."

"Esa," Braden whispered aghast, terrified of her words.

"Just go."

Carlisle followed Braden out. Sam, Jared, and Bella were left over. She seemed really out of place with her long, perfect hair. She wanted everyone to leave. She wanted Bella gone, Sam and Jared gone - Esa wanted everyone gone. She wanted to be alone so that everyone could get used to it - the fact that they would never get to be with her again. Esa would be sure to have a dramatic death if these thoughts continued.

"Someone's coming upstairs," Sam muttered. She turned her head expectantly to see that Paul had walked up, his face pulled into a frown, his hands in fists. She seemed to wince away from him, worried by the expression, hurt by his pain.

"Tessa, we need to talk."

"I'm okay with waiting until tomorrow. Talk to Carlisle first." She whispered, pulling her knees to my chest and the blankets over her knees. Downstairs, the phone rang, but no one made a move to answer it. She was okay with that. They waited the three rings of the cycle, before Paul found words.

"No, no this is something that needs to be talked about now." He muttered, his voice dark. "I need to explain something to you."

The phone began to ring again.

"Aren't you going to get the phone?"

"Don't try to distract me," but the phone seemed to be whining in the background, continuing to wail loudly in the background of her concentration. She raised a lazy eyebrow at him, hoping he would just delay the conversation for at least five more minutes. She wouldn't even care if he had to tell her father the bad news, at this point. "I need to explain to you what's going on."

"I know exactly what's going on. When you hear it for long enough you catch on." She whispered as the depression seeped over her. She sagged into her headboard, feeling the laziness of hopelessness again. She couldn't tune out the phone, which was on its fourth round of rings.

"No, Esa, it's-" he sighed, raising his voice at the last moment. "_Will someone answer the damn phone?_"

"Why don't you just an-" but someone seemed to have picked it up. She was glad, she felt like her head was pounding with the rhythm of it.

"Good. Alright, I _need _to tell you something, Esa. About me." Paul looked at Esa with such intense, begging eyes, that she didn't really know how to take it. She suddenly felt concerned, worried that he was thinking of doing something stupid now that he had gotten the grave news. Her body was tensing up nervously.

"Okay..."

Paul shook his limbs out a bit, worry coating him. She was getting more and more nervous because of the pause. "A few years ago...okay, maybe more than a few years ago, I kind of dropped out of school for the year-"

"I know."

"You know?" He repeated in shock.

"Of course I know. I heard Dad talking about it to our Wicked Step Mother." She shrugged, trying to comfort him by letting him know that she didn't care. "I've always known."

He looked flabbergasted. "Not the point though. I need to tell you why."

"You got bored?" She guessed.

"No," he sighed.

"You got into drugs?"

"No!"

The worst came into mind. She heard someone coming up the stairs and for some reason thought that lowering her voice would make it sound less vicious. "You didn't get someone pregnant, did you?"

"N-"

"Tessa," Braden's voice crept through the door as he pushed it open lightly, looking like a dear in the headlights. He was even out of breath. "I need to talk to you."

"Now is not the time." Paul looked at him in anger; he always hated to be interrupted. The sentence seemed to be final. "I need some time alone with my sister."

"Alone?" Braden muttered sarcastically, looking at the others in the room. He shook his head to calm himself of the insult. "Tessa, this is really important. It's about-"

"Braden, I agree with Paul. You need to go. We can talk later, okay?"

"But-" Jared started to shoulder him back out the door, but surprisingly Braden was taller than him and poked his head over his with ease. He kept trying to pry and it made Esa upset. Her brother just found out she was dying - no matter how much she was in love with him, she was sure that Paul would take it worse. Braden had grown to see death, being in the cancer ward. But Paul, Paul had no idea. Paul didn't know what death was - how it was slow, painful, and cold. He didn't know how fast it would happen but how slow it would be. He hadn't been there for the last moments, those last words like both she and Braden had. But Paul would be. She would be sure that he got all the time for goodbyes he needed, even if it need be at Braden's expense. Even if it hurt her to do it.

"Esa," Braden's voice had grown hard, grabbing her attention again. He looked at her levelly, pushing back against Jared. His next words set the course of her destiny.

"Jackie's dead."

The world, the room, and the shocked girl in the middle of it all began to tremble in her sorrow - she trembled as the earth began to burn and twist. She lost herself to the sensation and lost all the people who could trigger the cure.

Esa-Rosa began to burst.

**I really hope you enjoyed. So, figured it out? I think I made it pretty obvious if you go through and reread. So, what did you think? **Please review**, guys. Oh, and just so you know, if you would like me to publicize your fanfictions, I would be happy to do so with a few reviews or PM's :) **

**Thank you for reading!**

**Egypt**


	11. Echoes

**So, let me start this off by saying I **could **give you excuses as to why I haven't updated...but I don't want to bore you with them. In the end, I am hoping that this chapter will make things run easier than other chapters since this is a ****huge**** and important part in the story!**

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to my AMAZING reviewers **lottie14b**, **Angel of the Night Watchers**, **team-jacob-taylor**, **KelsG**, and **ChocolateButtons**! Thank you so much for your reviews guys, they literally make my day and strangely do make me want to update.**

**Enjoy!**

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"Esa, look at me! Look at me!"

No matter how loudly Paul was yelling for her attention, Esa couldn't seem to give it - she was having too much trouble hearing past her own thoughts. They were raging like a tempest inside of her skull and it was both painful and intrusive.

Jackie was dead.

The inspirational case of life, her best friend, the one who had been the most promising in the hospital...she was dead. She was dead, like Esa would soon be dead, but there was _so _much more she needed to do. She still had a list of things she had never done, she still had to fix things with Braden, she needed time to understand Jacob, she needed more time with Paul. She needed so much more time with Paul. She needed to get out and explore the world that she wanted so badly to live in - the world that she would never have the chance live in again.

"Esa, look at me. Please." She could almost hear Paul begging. "I need to explain to you what's going on."

She shook her head at Paul as if she were trying to escape the depressing spiral of thoughts, but she couldn't get them out of her head. She felt like she was suffocating and couldn't find the air to say what needed to be said aloud...that her best friend was dead.

"Esa, look - we're outside. We're outside, you can breathe now. Come on, Esa. You can breathe." Esa was breathing so hard that she felt like she wasn't capable of holding herself together. Her chest hurt because of her hyperventilating, she was sure that her world was exploding.

"Esa! Esa, listen to me - listen to me, please." Paul's was panicked and it took her everything just to look up at him through her damp eyelashes. Her face was so sweaty and sticky from tears that she could barely see him through the haze it created. He was blurring because _she _was blurring. Her body was vibrating angrily, as if it were trying to push out everything bad in her system_._

"Paul it hurts..." she sobbed, thinking hard about Jackie. Thinking about how much she had lied - she had always said that Cancer didn't actually hurt. She was wrong. She was wrong when she said it didn't hurt, that _death _didn't hurt. It did hurt - it was the only explanation for how much she hurt...

"Esa, Esa I need you to try and remember something for me okay?" Had she been able to scoff at him, she probably would have. Instead she just let out a growl of annoyance.

"Not now! I need my medicine," she groaned, wrapping her arms around her middle so she could try to stop herself from moving so much.

"No, no Esa. You need to listen. I need you to try and remember the legends okay? Try to remember Mom telling us those bedtime stories. Do you remember what they were about?" She let out a cry of pain and a sob, shaking her head.

"Medicine..."

"Come on, Tess. You know this!" Paul urged, grabbing her shoulders tightly, trying to catch her eyes. She nodded and swallowed, trying to focus on her brother's voice.

"Yeah. Yeah about the wives and the cold ones and the wolves and the thunderbird and th-"

"Yes! Yes about the wolves." Paul cut her off, running his hand through her peach fuzz hair. "Alright, what do you remember about the wolves?"

She shook her head, she didn't care about the legends right now. "Paul, it _hurts._"

"Okay, alright Esa." His voice was breaking as he kissed her forehead. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to imagine her cut-throat reaction to what he was about to explain to her. "Okay...the wolves are real, Tess. They're real. You know how I know?"

She whimpered.

"I know because I am one. Tess - Tess, I'm a wolf."

She shook her head to the point that it felt like her brain was rattling with the rest of her. "That doesn't-"

"I am. I'm a wolf, Esa." He closed his eyes again and held her as close to his chest as he could - he could hardly hold back how tightly he wanted to hold her. He made sure that her head was tucked where she wouldn't be able to see him as he began to cry, making sure to kiss the top of her head.

"And so are you."

"Where'd he take her, Jared?" Braden raged, looking at the shorter boy angrily. Braden had never felt so tall, so intimidating, or so terrified. The doctor had been very clear in his diagnosis - her leukocytes weren't properly undergoing meiosis. They were duplicating too quickly and the proper cells weren't the ones that were multiplying. It was taking over her system and causing changes.

Braden had been sure to ask why she had been feeling so much better, but when he had asked, the doctor had conveniently been called away by Edward and his wife. Both the lack and the excess of information was not leaving Braden in a happy place - especially after that damned phone call.

Jackie had been in the cancer ward with both he and Esa. She had been the first there and clearly there for the longest. By the time Braden had gotten into the ward, she was well into her radiation treatments. Esa had come last, though she had technically been through treatments longer than he at other hospitals, as he had been, until insurance dictated she was sick enough to get to the best of them. Jackie introduced the two of them a mere six months before she was given a clean bill of health. Months after that and even more surgeries, Braden was given the clean bill of health.

As for Esa...Well, it seemed that Esa would never get that clean bill.

"She's dealing with things," Jared growled, glaring daggers at Braden. It was the first time that Jared had ever seemed hostile toward him, which only made Braden more determined to win the argument.

"Dealing with things where? I want to see my girlfriend!"

"She's talking to her _brother._" Jared hissed. "Not really the time."

Braden felt his fists clench.

"Listen, Jared." His voice was quiet because of it's viciousness. "I have been with Esa-Rosa through it all. All the treatments, all the prescriptions, all the doctors. Longer than her brother has. She needs _me _right now!"

Jared's eyebrows rose high on his forehead. "She needs _you_," He repeated darkly. "Oh man, you're in for a rude awakening. Really soon."

Braden narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're wrong."

"I'm wrong?" Braden guffawed. "You've got some nerve, telling me how my girlfriend and I work. I _knew _it was a bad idea to come here!"

"You did, huh?" Jared sneered, turning around with an eye roll. "Well, glad we live up to expectations."

_She's in so much pain. So it happened. Obviously. There's finally another girl. Not that it won't be awkward. He's going to see his sister naked. We're all going to see his sister naked. Ew, stop thinking about it! Stop it! How many of us are there right now? Who all is here? Man_ - _vampires to werewolves, man? Really? How complicated are you trying to make your life? Shut up! Do you need anything? Is she okay? I want to come there. Jacob, no_ - _you'll confuse her. _

_Jacob? _

It was the only thing that had made sense out of everything she had heard. Everything she kept hearing behind the mumble of her other thoughts. Jacob. Jake would know what was going on - why everything _hurt._ Why did everything hurt so badly-

A whine cut through her thoughts accompanied by waves of guilt and sympathy. Why did she feel so terrible? Was she really conceited enough that she felt bad for herself?

_No. Tessie, those aren't your thoughts._

It _was _Jacob! She could recognize his voice anywhere, it was so low and husky and handsome - a perfect baritone. She automatically felt giddy with the thought. Yes, giddy was a good word. Why did she always feel giddy around him?

_Tess, those aren't your thoughts._

But of course they were her thoughts, why was her brain arguing with itself? More importantly, when had it decided to be so cruel and sound like the baritone of Jacob Black? Where was Braden? Why was Braden not there - no. No, it was definitely better that he wasn't there. If he knew the pain...

_Esa-Rosa, I need you to open your eyes._

Since when had her eyes been closed? That was most definitely her brother's voice, but she didn't want to see him right now. Nothing he was saying was making sense and she didn't have the energy to be any more confused than she already was. Her thoughts were buzzing like voices echoing through her head. Wolves and cold ones and how he was one and how she couldn't see Jacob and she couldn't see Braden but she couldn't...couldn't...

Couldn't what?

_You can't go back to the house, Tessa._

Why through Hells gates could she not go back to the house? She was so cold, she was in so much pain. She just wanted to get under her warm blankets and have Jake tell her another story or have Braden come in and hold her...she really just wanted Braden to hold her...

_Cold? _

The confusion of the statement swam through her. How could she be cold? Something told her that none of them were cold. Ever.

None of who?

Clearly not her, she was always cold. Even now, through all the pain she just felt cold and...and weak. Like jelly. Like when she used to stretch her hamstrings and the pain and the weakness would set in when she got back from gymnastics. That's what she felt like all over. Like every muscle had been strangled, stretched and snarled.

_She's in too much pain._

_We were all in this pain._

Who else had to go through this too? She felt sorry for them. It couldn't actually be possible that this pain wasn't from her Leukemia, was it? That had to be what it was, there was no other-

_Oh._

She knew what this was: this was the end. This was her dying. That's what the pain was, that's why every time she tried to open her eyes everything was so bright. There really was a white light at the end of the tunnel after all.

Actually, it seemed to have some green in it.

She liked green. It was a good colour. But it wasn't as pretty as it used to be - not when it was Braden's eye colour when he cried. That made it a bad colour. Braden...oh no, Braden must be crying right now! He would be so mad that she hadn't had time to say goodbye.

He had told her. He had told her that she shouldn't come here and that it would just take time away from the two of them if something bad were to happen. Maybe he was right, but it was time well spent. She had seen Paul and Jared and her friends and most importantly she had made new ones.

Jacob would be really sad if she died...

_You're not going to die, Tessie. You need to open your eyes._

There was his voice again. The problem was, if she opened her eyes it would be like she was just giving in to death. She had fought against it way too hard and long to just give in because Jacob Black's voice was so soothing.

_She's completely delusional._

She wanted to tell Leah to shut up. This was _her _fantasy and she didn't want someone to be bitching during it. Why did Leah have to be in her head right before her death? She loved the girl and respected her...Hell, she looked up to her, but she didn't want Leah's new-found negativity to weigh down her last moments of life.

_I kind of like her more. At least _someone _is smart enough to respect me._

She wanted Jacob's voice back. And maybe Braden's...though his would break her heart more. Ah, like that pain she felt right then at the mention of his name. He would just be so sad, he would cry so much. Jacob wouldn't cry, he was always keeping face with her.

_That's not true._

But even his voice insider her head was lying to her. It was obvious, she could _feel _it. It was like he was always trying to impress her - which was sweet, but unnecessary. It's not like she hadn't realized how damn alluring he was or how attracted she was to him - but it was wrong. It was really, really, really wrong.

_She's more loyal than _you _dicks._

_Not now, Leah._

She wanted Paul. Where was her brother? Her brother would never be mad with her just because she thought about one of the boys - the warm one or the comfortable one. He wouldn't be upset that she was in some screwed up triangle of affection that was totally being blown out of proportion. She didn't cheat. She wasn't that kind of girl. She just wanted her brother. She wanted-

_I'm right here, Tess. Open your eyes and look into mine._

She rubbed her arm against her eyes, trying to ready herself for the brightness. It was warm and soft - she must be wrapped in a blanket. That was nice, whoever did it.

_That isn't a blanket, Esa-Rosa. That is you._

Well that hardly makes sense, now does it?

_Tessa...you're a werewolf._

That makes even _less _sense. Things like that don't exist. Just because the Quileutes were so superstitious, it did not mean for a second that they were right about it all. Besides, she was a girl.

_Yeah, that theory went down the drain a while back._

She wanted Brae. That was all she wanted. Brae was always the voice of reason, being the outside perspective on almost everything. He was the voice of logic and he would know why she felt so stupid and why nothing was making sense. This was the breaking point - her insanity. It wasn't fair. She wanted Braden!

_She can't see Braden yet. Just in case._

In case of what? What would be so important she couldn't say goodbye to her boyfriend? That she couldn't ask him if this was the end and if he would be okay with her decision to just...give up. She didn't want to give up. She wanted to fight for life, like she always had. And life was Braden.

She wanted Braden.

Now.

_If she imprints on him, we're all done for. Keep her away from Jacob _and _from Braden. Windows, house and all._

That's not fair! She wanted to see her Braden.

_If she imprints on Braden it'll crush him._

She wanted to see Jacob.

_If she imprints on Jake it'll crush _her.

All she wanted was to see her Braden and just as badly she wanted to see Jacob! She just wanted her brain to stop using all these stupid words and actually dissect their meaning for her. She couldn't understand why she wasn't allowed to see her own boyfriend. She just wanted her Braden! She wanted her Jacob!

_Your Jacob?_

That's not how she meant it, of course. He was most definitely not hers but...but that didn't mean she didn't want to see him. Jake made sense. She didn't like arguing with her own brain. She took a deep breath, preparing herself to turn away from the bright light and run really fast in the opposite direction to go home.

_Don't let her run, Paul._

Why couldn't she just wake up? She just wanted Braden to kiss her and tell her that everything would be okay. She wanted to hear him say that he would miss her and that he would be okay when she finally got up the courage to actually let herself die. She just wanted him to hold her as long as he could before he couldn't do it anymore. Was that wrong? Because if it was then she wouldn't care about not being allowed to see him...but it wasn't wrong. She knew it wasn't.

Esa-Rosa tried opening her eyes while she turned around. It was still bright, but there was more green within it. Her eyes watered and snapped shut instinctively, but she was quick to concentrate so that her instincts were pushed aside.

She was not ready to give up.

_Tessa, please, open your eyes and look around. Everything will make sense._

That was Jacob. Jacob _does _make sense...after all, hadn't she just said that? Jake made everything make sense because of how calm he was - though he didn't sound calm right then. In fact, it was almost as if she could feel the anxiousness and nervousness rolling toward her like a rogue wave.

_It's because I can't be close to you._

But why? That didn't make much sense. She wanted him to be close to her, she wanted him to hug her in that warm, bear hug he was so good with giving - not that she was supposed to have those. Braden had specifically told her that she wasn't supposed to have those. She hadn't told Braden it had continued, nor Jacob that it wasn't supposed to. But just because she wanted that did not mean that he did.

_I want to hug you too._

She almost felt like blushing. She needed to stop doing that when he was around - it was incriminating. Everyone would find out if she kept it up...but she was distracted quickly. She was distracted thanks to everything hurting so badly. She was distracted by the cold and her own confusion. She knew that Jake could help make it go away if he were just there with her.

_Open your eyes, Tessie._

What was the point? He wasn't allowed to be with her anyway, whether she did or didn't. That hardly seemed like a bribe.

_The sooner you open your eyes and understand what's happening, the sooner I can be with you, Tess. Just listen to Paul. Paul is with you. Paul-_

She felt something warm and soft on her face, she leaned into it. Yes, somehow she knew that was Paul. She could have sworn she heard his voice above the murmuring of everyone elses voices in her head, but no matter what Jake's husky tones were still the easiest to pinpoint.

_You have to believe us, Tess. _

Of course she would believe him, but what was she supposed to be believing? These random hallucinations? Believe that she won't be sucked into the bright light now that she had turned away? Yes, somehow she believed that. Jacob's voice, fantasy or not, would never lie to her about something important like that. Jake lo - well, he liked her too much for that.

_I love you too much for that._

Esa-Rosa opened her eyes in shock, taking steps back as she met the familiar chocolaty eyes of a gigantic grey wolf. The wolf was huge and right in her face! So close she was surprised she couldn't feel his breath. She knew those chocolate eyes like she knew what it was - not that it necessarily looked like a wolf. It looked closer to the size of a bear with the features of a wolf. But somehow, she knew that it wasn't a wolf at all.

That _thing _was her brother.

She began to back up if surprise, but it took a long moment before she recognized how awkwardly her limbs moved. Her legs were toppling over her arms in a wiry tanglement that her body should not be able to allow, but she couldn't feel skin. What had she been wearing? Hadn't she just been wrapped in some sort of blanket?

_You have fur, Esa._

Paul's voice was in her head again and the grey brother-wolf in front of her was taking tentative steps forward. She was confused as to the intensity in his eyes -

what was he trying to tell her? What she was seeing was not making sense with everything that she had been taught as a child. Fairy tales were real, legends were life...and as she looked up her arms and saw the pale white fur running up her limbs, she let out a howl of fear.

Esa-Rosa Scillings was a werewolf.

* * *

**So, who saw it coming? I know a few of you did! Please tell me what you think, guys. The more you **REVIEW **the faster I will update. I **PROMISE**! **

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**REVIEW my lovelies, REVIEW!**

**-Egypt**


	12. On the Fringe

**Hello there, wonderful readers! I am here with a TRIPLE UPDATE! Yes, in case you couldn't tell I love you all which is why I have an update for each story. I thought I owed it to you because of the waits you guys have had and you can thank the hump that I got over for all the previous chapters where all of them finally got to the point in the story I don't have writers block for! Yay!**

**Again, my specific thank you's are at the bottom of this chapter, but I do need to thank my spectacular Beta **_Angel of the Night Watchers _**for all her wonderful, quick work. I also thank the others who offered to be Beta, I really appreciate it!**

**Mrs Meyer owns Twilight. But I own Tessa, Braden and this newest love triangle. So HA! I knew my life had some sort of meaning!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"G'morning there, Braden." Charlie Swan greeted gruffly while Braden walked through the doors to the police station. Braden didn't try to hide his frown while he took his time stripping off his heavy jacket which was soaked through with rain. "How're you doin'?"

Everyone knew about Esa-Rosa's prognosis at this point, but he wasn't ready for people to just go around asking him about it as soon as he walked into the office. He was glad that Charlie hadn't actually said her name, if not only for the fact that he probably would have gone into a rage and done something to get himself slammed up behind bars in the room over.

"Fine. It's been a rough week."

Sadly, Braden's week had only just begun. It was only Tuesday, but he had not been into work since the Thursday before. That had been the day that Dr Carlisle Cullen had come on Jake's word. It was also the last day that he had seen his girlfriend.

Both Paul and Esa-Rosa had been missing for five days; five days without sign or word from them - no, that wasn't quite true. On the third day he had gotten a message from Esa. Apparently she loved him more than anything and she would be with him again soon, when she was ready to be around people again. At least, that's what had been delivered to him by none other than Jacob Black.

The thing that pissed him off most was that Jake hadn't been around much either. Because he was the one to bring the message that Esa wasn't comfortable being around people. Braden was sure that not only had he been around her while everyone else seemed to disappear, but he was also trying to change Esa's allegiance.

Charlie came up to Braden's messy desk and leaned against it, assessing if the boy was in the mental state to be working that week. He seemed okay even with the hard look on his face, so Charlie took it as he was fighting to be as good as he was...even if he didn't want to be. The truth of the matter was, Braden was relieved to be at work. At least there were people here, people who would not plan on lying to him and leaving him out of the loop.

"I'm fine, Charlie. Give me my papers." Charlie handed them over reluctantly, happy that he had given Grace, the other paper worker, the three cases that just so happened to be about death. Two murders, one suicide - both just outside of Forks. It was something that Charlie was nervous about, but for now his best paper writer could stay on speeding demerits and parking tickets. That was safe territory until this disaster with his girlfriend passed.

"Alright, well, if you need me..." he jerked his head towards his own desk and Braden nodded, trying to show some form of proper communication skills before Charlie trudged away. Braden got into the routine of mindless paperwork quickly, it was nice to have his thoughts dulled by boredom and commitment.

Commitment, ha.

"Is there such a thing?" he muttered to himself, surprising himself and Grace who only sat a few feet away. She looked at him sympathetically before placing her heavily ringed fingers atop his completed work.

"I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I remember the Scillings kids. How is the little monkey?"

Braden raised an eyebrow. "Monkey?"

"Oh," she laughed to herself softly. "She used to be the cutest little gymnast. She was a tiny, fearless thing - always running around with the boys and literally running circles around them. She loved to show off all her little tricks."

Braden furrowed his brow. His immediate thought was how angry she would be had she heard how many times Grace had just called her small. The second was more pensive as he thought about whether or not he had actually believed that she had ever been a gymnast. He remembered her telling him about that time so long ago, but he had always thought they were child's memory: the ones that seemed so intricate in your own mind, but once you hear them from someone else, it wasn't as grand as the one remembered. After all, it amazed him that someone with such a bad case of cancer would have ever been as healthy as she seemed to have been. It was a mystery how she had gotten from point A to point B.

He quickly thought back to her days before, when she spun around and retrieved that apple with a smile. When he had seen a moment, just a moment, of what she would have looked like were she to have been given the chance to be healthy. But she was too far in, now. She would never do gymnastics and she would never run circles around the boys. She would never do a lot of things.

Braden tried to hold in the pain as he thought about everything that was happening around him. He closed his eyes as he tried to ward off the world and push away the truth of it.

Esa-Rosa was as good as dead.

* * *

_Stop laughing, this chick is gunna kill me! _

Seth was almost worried as Tessa snapped at the sandy coloured wolf, her tongue all but falling out of her mouth as she barked a laugh. The play continued as she practiced about in her new body, rolling around and using the power hidden in her muscles to pounce. Almost everyone seemed to find their play humorous. Even though she was still getting used to everyone being able to see inside her head, she was glad that for once they were laughing at her instead of crying over her.

_It doesn't have to be that way anymore, Tess._

Paul had been constantly full of reassurances. He always had been when it came to her well-being, but now that he had reason behind them he was relentless with his optimism. Sadly, no one seemed to be able to explain to her why she hadn't been able to transform back into a human yet. Sam had told her earlier on that it would take a while for her body to remember how to calm down enough to keep that form, but she knew that no one else had needed such a long time. The problem was that even calm, Esa-Rosa had trouble imagining what it felt like being a human. It was almost as if she forgot.

Jake assumed it was because she didn't really remember how it felt to be a human without sickness, a human as she would be now when she finally phased back. This was apparently a key idea behind being able to phase, remembering what you're phasing into. Tessa could only remember how to feel weak and sick, which was not how a werewolf lived at all.

_You'll never be sick again._

Paul reminded her. But he made it clear, in what should have been his private thoughts, that he was sad she had to live like this. Most of the people in the pack hadn't wanted to be wolves with Quil, Seth, Brady, and maybe Collin as the exceptions.

_I love it._

But there was no possible way that anyone could have held that against her. It was hard to remind themselves that it was a curse when it had saved Tessa's life. With the benefits of quick healing and strength, she was set to live a long life. She'd felt better than she remembered feeling as a toddler, even. In her opinion it wasn't a curse at all, it was a miracle.

_Well, lucky you._

_Shut up, Leah._

The pack worked very had to be sensitive with their thoughts around Tessa. They didn't like upsetting her when she was so new to the game and still so easily disturbed by the news of what she had to give up and what changes would have to be made to make this miracle work.

Well, all except for Leah.

_I'm a saint for keeping your head straight._

Not quite true in Tessa's opinion, but she had a hard time disliking Leah as much as the others did. It was made more difficult when she had learned everything there was to know about why Leah had changed to who she was now, instead of the happy Leah she remembered from her childhood. She was no longer Leah with the beautiful smile, instead she was-

_I still have a _beautiful _smile, kid. These idiots just aren't worth seeing it._

She obviously meant Sam.

_Don't bring that up brat or I'll remind you how long it's been since you've seen your darling Prince Charming__**s**__._

The pronounced 's' on the end hurt because it was insulting, but the thoughts that now swarmed into Tessa's mind were painful on a different level. It had been five days since she had seen either Braden or Jacob. Five days with no comfort from the two people who brought her the most of it. Paul had been a constant presence, true, but it wasn't the same. Jake had even spoken to her almost constantly. But it was just through this awkward and revealing form of telepathy.

She had heard Braden's reaction when Jake had given to the message and she couldn't help but understand his anger. In Braden's mind, she was off and possibly cheating on him with another man. Which was ridiculous. Tessa loved Braden more than the sun, the moon, the stars and all other possible astronomical equivolents.

A wave of pain shot through Tessa and she knew automatically that Jake had phased and was with them again. She sent the wave back - pain for both Braden, so left out and so alone. She also sent pain for him - the man who was, debatably, even more in love with her.

_Leah! _

Paul growled, ready to go hunting for her for putting thoughts into Esa's head. Leah all but laughed through everyone's mind.

_That's my cue to leave!_

And then she was gone.

It bothered Tessa immediately that she felt so much pain with her words. She had always read about love triangles but she had never thought she'd be in one. She would always imagine that in her books, the choice would be easy. She would argue for one guy which was _obviously _the proper choice. Or at least it was for her...usually, she ended up guessing wrong.

_That's what we're afraid of._

Seth hadn't meant to let it slip, but it was very clear without anyone having thought it anyway.

Tess had been filled in about the truth behind the legends and the things that had been left out. This included imprinting, all about how it worked, oh and the minor detail about Jake having imprinted on her.

She had been stunned, but at the same she hadn't been shocked. After she had found out what it meant and what it felt like, she understood but was worried. Very worried.

She loved Braden. Now that she was getting better, they could go through with all their plans - they would go on dates, they would make love, they would probably even get married...

_Not for sure._

Which was true.

The majority of the problem was, of course, that she didn't know how to phase back into a human. And while all the other wolves had their dark fur and dark eyes, she stuck out like a sore thumb. From what she had heard and seen through other people's eyes, she had whispy white fur and her silver eyes helped to compete the albino look. This made her have to stay deeper in the forest than the others would normally have to - at least until she was comfortable moving around inconspicuously and during the late hours through the night.

But the second problem was actually the largest: she could imprint at any time.

Sam hadn't made this into such a large issue as he had with the others, but for her it was a different situation because she was in love with Braden. Everyone knew it, even if they didn't like to count it as true love - or at least they didn't until they could see into her mind. The trouble was that her love for Braden interrupted the imprint that Jake had with her. So, the trouble with imprinting was the fact that they were all worried she would imprint on one of them.

If she imprinted on Jacob, Braden would barely exist in her eyes. Her humanity would push her to try and keep Braden as a part of her life, but realistically her entire world would be Jacob - as his would be hers. They would be inseparable and Braden would be left alone. Just like Leah.

If she imprinted on Braden, it would create an even crazier triangle where she would still have strong feelings for Jacob, but Braden would be her existence. Jacob wouldn't be able to properly see the two of them together, but she would not be able to live without him around - though she would need Braden more.

It was too difficult to even comprehend.

_I'll love you no matter what._

That was not what she needed to hear. She quit her brawl with Seth and rested beneath a tree on the edge of the clearing. Seth sent his pity and whined a bit before rushing back to his rounds, he had been with her too long anyway. Paul took his place and laid down beside his sister. She was quick to rest her large, pale muzzle on his stomach as she nuzzled into him. She shivered when she felt the difference between their body temperatures.

_You can't possibly be cold._

Paul meant it to sound condescending, but the waves coming off of him were full of worry. It had been a whole new experience when she had spoken to her brother for the first time when all the feelings that he hid with sarcasm, bitterness and anger couldn't be ignored and worst of all: the pack had no secrets.

This included things like the fact that she would not be seeing her mother any time soon. Her mother had found out that Paul was a werewolf accidentally, not long after the death of Harry Clearwater. She had been so scared that she permanently moved in with her boyfriend in Seattle. She had not spoken to Paul since.

_She'll visit you when she gets the message, Tessa. You know she will._

Yes. If she ever got the message. Which was the doubt they all had.

A familiar wave of nausea spread through Esa and she curled up into a smaller ball of white, her head still laying on Paul's stomach as waves of worry came off Sam, Paul, Seth and Jake.

Braden would have her medicine with him.

_You don't need your medicine anymore, Tessie. You're better now._

But no thoughts seemed to agree with what Jake wished to be true. Tessa knew from the reactions to the things she thought that she was not like the other wolves. She was much, much smaller than them - though they blamed the fact that she was the smallest person, she had only been 5'5" before she started the pre-phase growth spurt. She was much cooler - though she had flashes were she was warmer than other humans, she still always had this abnormal chill about her. And worst of all, Esa-Rosa still felt ill.

A whine sounded somewhere close by and her head shot up as she tried to glance around, searching for the familiar eyes of one of the men she longed to see. She knew it was him, she knew because she could feel his presence like a fly in her face and all she wanted was to see him, despite the consequences. That bridge could be crossed later. Much later. Later when she wasn't so scared, or worried, or somehow - despite all the voices in her head - alone.

_Don't look for him! Jacob, you were told not to get so close._

But the feeling she got from him made it clear that he couldn't help it. By the time she was looking for him, he was gone.

_I want to see Jake._

_Please, just let me see her._

_No. No one is ready for that._

It was probably fair and true. This was something that would end up affecting more than just he and she, but she wanted comfort that Paul just couldn't give. As much worry as Jacob felt, it was a different twinge that Paul felt. It was like they were singing the same song, only in a completely different key. She felt a guilt with Paul that Jacob naturally seemed to soothe with his mere presence. An imprinters pull, Sam called it.

_I want to see Braden._

_Out of the question._

She hadn't expected any different of a response - it had been that way for the past five days. The problem was that it was all she found herself thinking about. She wanted answers. She wanted this damned babysitting to stop. She could learn how to be a wolf any time - once she knew how to be a Tessa again.

_Just because you're a wolf, that doesn't stop you from being Tessie._

Maybe not, but lots of things would. She wanted to learn how to be the girl she had always wanted to be - all those things on her list, all those things she had watched but never been able to accomplish. She wanted to run and flip and be rambunctious. She wanted to wear pretty dresses and go dancing, she wanted to go cliff diving, she wanted to swim as far as she could go. She wanted to spend a night under the stars and not have a worry in the world...but she couldn't do any of that like this. Not as a wolf when she had been taken away from everything she wanted because of the risk of imprinting.

_Will you hate me?_

She hated how even her internal thoughts sounded scared and little. Like a child would, she was pretty sure. All the boys had these strong, baritone, authoritative voices. Even Leah had her cynical and bitter alto. But not her.

_I will never hate you, Tessie. Ever._

But there was the factor of potential disappointment. He scoffed and scolded her with plain emotion, no words were necessary. It was almost nice, in a way, having this form of communication. Even though it could be a drag when there were things you don't want them to know - like the guilt and worry that was currently gnawing everyone's stomachs, it could certainly explain things more easily than she could usually put into words.

_I want to know._

She thought hopelessly, her mind flashing to Braden. Sam refused again.

_Your replacement has arrived! Sorry I'm late._

Jared's voice came into their minds around the same time that he trotted into the clearing. Jared donned a chestnut pelt and was slightly smaller than Paul. He had been the second to phase after Sam and he was known to have the best eyes in the pack. He gave a small bark that Esa-Rosa returned happily. Wiggles was good with distracting her from the bigger issues at hand.

_It's said I have binocular eyes. Makes me the best hunter here!_

_But-but I have the best hearing! _

Seth was about to leave when he had heard the insult. Paul scoffed at them both, thinking they were acting like kids even though he couldn't stop himself from throwing in a quick:

_She's going to give you a run for your money._

_I'm what?_

_Since when?_

_Yeah right!_

Her brother was just being nice again. It was common knowledge that everyone in the pack had some sort of advanced ability: Paul was the quickest to anger and the best fighter, Seth had the best hearing, Jared had the best eyes, Leah was the fastest, Sam could control the pack and was the best strategist, Embry was the stealthiest, Quil bounced back the fastest, Brady was the best with his camouflage, Collin was the most level headed, and Jake was the biggest and could phase the fastest.

_You'll find your place, Little One._

She assumed it would just be in the house since she was such an eyesore. Just so long as she wasn't constantly going to be known as the 'little one' because of her size and that old nickname...

_One day, you'll love being so small...nah. You'll always hate it. I'm just trying to cheer you up, kid._

_Being white furred is not bad. You look stunning._

_Besides you're going to be the best tracker, I can tell._

She tried to think about how Paul was so sure she could be the best tracker and how much she wanted to 'play' fight with Jared, but the compliment from Jacob had distracted her. She was really glad that she wasn't in her human form or her face would have burnt up and she probably would have started giggling stupidly...not that he wasn't reading her thoughts and knowing it now. Damn.

_It blows, don' it? Catch ya later, Tess!_

And then Seth was gone, too.

_One day we can try to track something and then we'll see who's the best at it. _

Jared challenged playfully. She accepted it with amusement, but was wondering why she couldn't do it now. As weak as she was and as cold as she could be when she wasn't resting, Esa-Rosa was bored. The others had said that being a wolf would be a thrilling experience with lots of action - even when there wasn't action or vampires to kill. They could make their own...but everyone was walking on glass with their worry for her and she didn't play many games or go on patrol. Really, she'd be good at it considering she couldn't phase back into her human form anyway.

_Too risky._

It was in Sam's mind, at least. She could run in to Braden, she could run in to Jacob, he was having trouble reigning in Jake as it was, she was so noticeable with her fur, and worst of all - she could run into the vampires.

Her stomach gave a rumble and the first thought through Jared's mind was a picture of Emily making food in her kitchen.

Tessa loved Emily. Emily was sweet and wonderful, she hadn't been afraid when she had first seen Tessa and most importantly was very kind when Tessa came in for meals. Because they lived right on the fringe of the forest, Emily was sure to make food for her so that she didn't need to hunt animals and she had even called Tessa beautiful. It was one thing hearing it from Paul, Jake, and the other wolves, but it was another thing to hear it from someone who saw the wolves from an outer perspective.

_Emily loves you too. She feels very motherly for you, in particular._

Out of pity, of course, but people tried to keep their thoughts away from that.

_Alright, you wanted to do something, did you?_

Paul thought as he got up. Tessa whined lightly because she felt cool again, but luckily it was not unbearable. She hoped that when her hair grew out that her fur would get longer, like Jacob's had been said to be. She wished she could see it...

_Sam..._

Jake's plea did not need anther word. He was in a lot of pain being kept away from his imprint like he had been and even though Esa-Rosa felt awkward about the situation she felt terrible for doing it to him. Besides, she wanted to see him almost as badly.

_Please..._

_No, Jacob. If you need to leave, then you should leave._

But Jake did not consider that an option and tried to keep his thoughts tame and disjointed so that he wouldn't be ordered to leave at all. She felt bad for making him miss time with his sister or his father, even his other friends like the pack and Bella but...

_Ugh...Bella._

It was hard to know who had thought it. It almost felt like a general sigh of displeasure. It shocked her and just as she started reaching or answers, Paul decided to distract her again.

_Alright, something fun. What we're going to do is we're going to try and see if you can find your way back to Emily's. On your own._

The distraction worked. She looked at them nervously, she had never gotten anywhere on her own. Paul had always helped her - you can't run before you could walk, and she did not know this forest well enough to walk without stumbling.

_I can't._

But they all knew she could. They tried to demonstrate through thought how they knew where places were. She needed to listen for familiar sounds, use the air for familiar smells, and try to identify specific landmarks that she had seen before. She had a vast array of memory thanks to the raw thoughts and materials that their own minds would provide, all she had to do was harvest them. But doing it and thinking it would not be the same.

_I can't._

_You can. We wouldn't ask you if we thought you couldn't._

Alright, if they really had that much faith in her, she could at least give it a shot. There was nothing wrong with that, was there?

_None at all. Go for it, Little One._

She closed her eyes, trying to open up her other senses. She didn't have binocular eyes anyway and everything was already green and brown. There was nothing to make anything else look different...at least not that she could recognize yet.

She caught the smell of food and decided to follow that. It smelt well cooked...chicken. She loved chicken. And...potatoes. But it had a special smell of burn to them. Burn and a watery, smelly - deep fried. They were deep fried potatoes. Like french fries...

She opened her eyes started to walk slightly, hearing the sound of the highway and holding her nose high in the air. She walked a little farther, her pace quickening as she remembered how to walk across the forest floor, her large paws snapping twigs and logs alike - she may not have been a big werewolf, but she was still the size of a small bear.

French fries...chicken...plastic...cardboard...grease..._Braden._

_Braden..._

She couldn't help it - like the instinct to smile, she had the instinct to _run._ Run fast. Run towards the smell of Braden - find Braden. She wanted Braden. It was an instinct unlike anything she had ever felt. Pure animal hunting - but she didn't want to hurt him, she just wanted to have him. To hunt him and keep him.

_Braden!_

Sam, Paul, Jared and Jake all sped off after her, listening to her thoughts and panicking as she ran the way towards her home and towards Braden, who seemed to have food with him. She knew it was him, she had bought him the cologne she smelled - even if the smell of bleach was leaking its way into her nose. It smelt terrible. Had he recently washed his clothes and put too much in? He had always been very bad with laundry. No...no, this was too strong. This was sickening. The bleach was starting to drown out his smell the closer she got to him...

_The Cullens are there! Someone stop her before she can't stop herself!_

_Tessie, stop!_

_Esa-Rosa, stop!_

But now all she could worry about was Braden. It was all about Braden now. The Cullens were with him? Wasn't he alone, wasn't the house supposed to be empty until Sam went to check on him that night before patrols? Impossible. Sam was in her head.

There _were _leeches. She remembered the suffocation, the feeling that she couldn't breath around the stench of excessive hygene and sweetness. All she could think of was the idea that...the possibility that...could one of them try to _bite _him?

_No, Tessie! Stop running._

No! If it was even a possibility, she would have to stop him. She couldn't let that happen. She loved Braden more than anything else and she would not let any cold, lifeless monster hurt him.

_Her instincts have completely taken over, she can't help it-_

She was close now, she could smell both the vampires scent and Braden, she wanted to gag from it but she could finally see the light through the trees. It was becoming overwhelmingly bright as the trees began to thin.

_I'm not going to reach her!_

_I can._

_No, she's going to fast._

_I can reach her, she's not too far away..._

_No! Back up, Jacob._

_I can reach her!_

_Stop, Braden's there!_

_Braden's there._

She repeated the words to herself, knowing that whoever had thought it was right. Braden _was _there. Braden was there with vampires and she had to save him...

But by the time Esa-Rosa had been able to stop herself, she found that she was cemented to the ground beneath her feet just because she felt like that was the only way to keep herself from spinning. Her world was turning in a new direction, throwing her off balance as she stared into his eyes - watching him as everything she knew crumbled and and repaired itself so that it all lead back to him.

She felt like if she looked away from him, that she would lose herself in the new orbit of her world. He was her gravity now, the center of her earth that everything seemed to be revolving around.

_What is this?_

But she didn't need the boys to answer her to know what he was.

He was her world.

He was her love.

He was her imprint.

* * *

**So, who do you think her imprint is? Braden? Jacob? Someone ELSE? I thought I should leave it like that - a cliff hanger does a reader good, I think. And the author, because hopefully that means you'll be back for more!**

**I need to give a giant thank you to all my wonderful reviewers for this story:**

_Lucia_**: I'm glad you liked it - hopefully this chapter also tickled your fancy. I tried to answer a lot of questions even though I probably caused just as many new questions as I gave answers :) I hope to hear from you again, thank you for reviewing!**

_Munchkin Jeeves_**: Thank you so much for your review, I'm so glad that you liked it. Hopefully you caught that she's not a normal wolf and is still a little sick, just to make things a little more difficult. Don't get me wrong, I love Esa, but her life just wasn't complicated enough as it was...joking, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway!**

_Angel of the Nightwatchers_**: Amazing editing, yet again. To be honest, I really wish I could have seen your giddy, happy dance. I knew you would be happy she turned into a wolf, so hopefully I did it all justice. Thank you so much for your work on this chapter, you are a peach...possibly even some strawberries and apples, too!**

_Zerlina2111_**: And who ever said for sure she was cured? Ooo. I may have given too much away! Anyway, thank you so much for your review. I hope I updated fast enough for you to review again! **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**-Egypt**


	13. Braden

**Wow, this is the most reviews I have ever gotten for a chapter of this story! Thank you so much to all who took the time to review, I will give more detailed comments at the bottom of the chapter. **

**Just so everyone knows, I am actually going to be away for about two weeks, where I'm sure I will get the chance to write some chapters, I just may not be able to post them - so these could be my last three chapters for two weeks...but I PROMISE that I will come back and have some good ones ready! **

**Awesome Beta-credit goes to **_Angel of the Nightwatchers _**for her ever wonderful support and commitment to making this chapter easier on the eyes!**

**Enjoy!**

It had been a long day back at the office for Braden and by the time it hit four o'clock he was already jittery and itching to leave. He knew that it was false hope to wonder if Esa-Rosa would be back at Paul's house waiting for him, but he couldn't help it anyway. He was a hopeless romantic at heart and the sooner that Esa cried to him for forgiveness, the sooner he could dote on her until...

Well, until he couldn't anymore.

That thought in itself made him rub at his eyes bitterly, a bubble of jealousy building up in his navel. What if she hadn't come back so that he could dote on her at all? What if she didn't come back because she was already well taken care of by someone else? And he knew that he didn't need to guess who that _someone else _just so happened to be.

"Bella!" Charlie's voice broke through the silence of the office, and everyone automatically looked up to find the girl addressed. Bella Cullen rarely visited the office anymore, though Braden had heard that once upon a time it had been a common thing. That was, of course, before she had been married to Edward.

Were anyone to have asked Braden, he probably would have said that it was wonderful to find love so young - but it was too young in his mind. Of course, he could never admit that. It would be hypocritical of him because he had, and was still, ready to marry Esa at the drop of the hat - as soon as she was better.

So he would never be marrying her?

It wasn't so much of a let down as it was a shock. Braden had never really considered it an option that she wouldn't get better - but now it was all looking so bleak. Jackie had not gotten better. She was buried six feet under in a small cemetery in Ontario somewhere. With her having been the poster child for health of the ward, it was hard not to admit the inevitable. Esa-Rosa was going to die, and Braden was going to have to sit by and watch it happen.

His thoughts inevitably branched, and he started to wonder if Esa would like to be buried in Ontario or La Push. He assumed she wouldn't want to be buried at all. She had always talked about cremation and having her ashes spread out over the ocean, but it was something he found hard to think about. Now it seemed like he was organizing it 'just in case'. He wouldn't be surprised if this kind of thinking drove him insane.

"Hello, Braden." The voice that had addressed him was silkier than his own, and it ranged a little higher. When he raised his eyes to see the face, he was confused that he hadn't recognized Edward's voice as soon as he heard it. It was very distinct. He must have just been too far into his own thoughts to pay attention to anything else around him. He smiled back.

"Hey, Edward. How are you?"

Edward shone a smile that Braden only wished he could duplicate. "I'm well, thank you. I was more interested in how you were doing."

Braden looked at the clock, which sadly only read 4:08pm. The past eight minutes had been a particular struggle for him, and he couldn't help but wonder how angry Charlie would be if he left early to catch up with Esa...though he doubted that she was even there.

"I've been better." Braden admitted with a sigh. "Thinking of skipping out on the last part of the day."

Edward gave a small look to his wife, who nodded her approval of something before Edward smiled back to him.

"Why don't you come out with us? You can get something to eat and we'll come back with you so you have some company. If that's alright with you, of course?"

Company. He had only gotten company on and off for the last few days, but constant company who seemed to actually want to be near him sounded like something he shouldn't leave to waste. Besides, Edward and Bella had a relationship that Braden wanted to be around - something that committed, loyal, and though the relationship was still young it was strong and lasting. He couldn't help, but be both jealous and in awe of it. A small, innocent part of him hoped that if he were around them enough, he would pick up on pointers to help his relationship be just as successful.

"Company sounds great," he grimaced as he realized the problem. "We don't really have any food in the house - we could go out if you want?" He could just go out for Esa later if she needed him to, or he could bring her home some left overs, knowing her she would pick at them and leave them there anyway.

He mentally scolded himself. He had to try and get used to the fact that she probably wouldn't be there when he got home. Or when he left in the morning...or any time in between.

"We've already eaten, thank you." Edward smiled. "You could take some food home for yourself and the others, if that pleases you."

"Good idea," he thought aloud as he got up to push his phone and wallet back into his pockets, and push his mirrored sunglasses farther up his nose. "Hopefully Charlie won't mind me leaving early."

"I'm sure it won't be a problem." Edward smiled again. Braden missed having the ability to smile whenever he felt like it. Or even more than that.

"Hey Charlie," Braden called as he walked closer. He felt bad immediately, the Chief seemed to be in a deep conversation with his daughter. They parted almost too quickly when he had strode over towards them. "Am I interrupting something important?"

"Of course not," Bella, whose voice ironically sounded like bells, giggled at him. "I was just telling him about life and all, nothing personal or interesting."

The look Charlie gave her clearly said that one of those two things were a lie, but Braden was far too polite to pry and find out which. Braden turned back to Charlie, smiling as nicely as he could. "You wouldn't mind if I took off early, would you? I'm hoping to get home and talk to Esa."

"No, no, not at all!" Charlie shook his head and clapped Braden on the back once or twice as he steered him toward the door. "Sounds like a good plan to me. You just call me if anything changes, will you?"

What a grave thought, 'if anything changed'. There were so many changes that could happen. Esa could die tomorrow. Esa could be miraculously cured. Esa could come back and beg for his love and attention. Esa could never come back at all. Each seemed both as likely, and startlingly unlikely as the last. Bella shot her father a glare that made him smile nervously.

"You headed back with Ed and Bells?"

Braden nodded slowly. "Yeah, we'll stop off and get food before we go back."

"Good idea. Those res kids eat like monsters!" Braden only laughed a bit before waving his hand, and heading out the door with Edward to give Bella a moment to say goodbye to her dad. Braden looked around the parking lot for Edward's car, but couldn't find one that looked out of place. Edward seemed to read his mind as he shrugged.

"We were taking a walk when we decided to stop by. You wouldn't mind giving us a ride in your car, would you?"

Braden shook his head immediately, but didn't say anything else as he unlocked the Hyundai and got in. He hoped he hadn't seemed rude, but the longer he was outside and _not _on his way to Esa, the more awkward he felt. It was a break in pattern that he didn't like and Braden was all about tradition.

It didn't take long for Bella to come out and take the backseat, which Edward helped her into considering that the car was only a two-door. By the time everyone was buckled in and he began to drive, he was actively having to try to tell himself not to speed with others in the car. It was one thing to get caught by someone from work on his own, when he was on his way home. It was a completely different idea when the law had to be enforced because others were around to see it neglected.

"So, how is everything over with the Quileutes?" Bella asked enthusiastically. "Do you like it over there?"

"Well, it sucks being so far away from civilization - I'm a city boy," Braden shrugged, glad for the break in awkward silence. "But I can't say they have been good, all things considered. I don't mean to sound like I'm brooding or anything," he added, knowing that he sounded almost as depressed as he felt. Edward shook his head immediately.

"No, it's completely understandable. How is Esa faring?"

Braden made a sound to delay as he thought about whether he should try telling the truth, or lying to them. It didn't really seem fair to drag people into his personal problems because his girlfriend decided to run off with a guy who _intensely _liked her and disappear, hoping that she would keep faithful while she slowly started to die and he _still _couldn't imagine putting out...alright, well, he could certainly imagine it. But no, that was not something that you could make a pleasant conversation out of.

"She's not okay, that's for sure." It seemed the best option, avoiding the lie and telling the truth. Edward nodded knowingly.

Braden was glad that he didn't have to say anymore on the subject because they had gotten to the grocery store in town. He pulled himself out of his car that seemed even smaller than it normally did thanks to the company, and waited to lock the doors after Bella had climbed out. The three of them walked into the store quickly, Braden making his way to the cramped and poorly located hot-food section.

He was going to choose pizza since it seemed the universal choice for fast food, but as it wasn't actually his favorite and since he had a sneaking suspicion he would be eating alone, he decided that a chicken dinner was the way to go. They boxed up the macaroni salad, french fries, and chicken in a cardboard box, that Braden was sure the grease would end up leaking through. He held it close to arms length as he paid. He walked out as quickly as he had come in, Bella and Edward still following, almost obediently.

"Do you have plans on the thirteenth?" Bella asked suddenly, after they had gotten into the car and rolled down the window to avoid the summer humidity. Braden furrowed his eyebrow as he went through his mental calendar, trying to figure out what day of the week the thirteenth was. It was currently Tuesday the second, which would make the thirteenth a Saturday. Braden never had plans on Saturday.

"I'm probably free, what's up?"

"My sister-in-law, Alice-" Edward chuckled at Bella's description for some reason, "Is throwing an engagement party for us. A big thing, lots of people will be there. You should come - meet some new faces."

"That would be nice," Braden agreed with a small smile, thinking about how nice it would be to get away from the boys who were constantly ignoring him and taking his girlfriend away. "New place, new friends, right?"

"Right," Edward smiled. "Besides, Alice throws the best parties."

"Sadly," Bella added in an undertone. Braden chuckled to himself, which was a nice feeling. The chuckle in itself made him break into a smile.

"Sounds like something that shouldn't be missed. I'll try to make it, I really will. It will all depend on..." he trailed off, his thoughts becoming dark once again when he thought about the only reason he probably would miss the party. Bella seemed not to catch on.

"Oh, everyone from the res is invited too. I know some of the boys won't come but-"

"Bella," Edward whispered quietly. She stopped speaking immediately as he turned in his seat, and gave her a look that seemed to say more than the silence did. Braden sighed.

"I'm sorry for being so doom-and-gloom. Really, this isn't how I normally act. It just sort of happens."

"No, I totally get it." Bella whispered, placing he hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to explain yourself to us. This is a hard time for you."

"For everyone," Braden corrected, thinking about the last time he had actually seen Paul's face. He wondered briefly how similar his own expression had been - but he hadn't felt any of the anger that Paul had. Just bitter, grievous disappointment.

"Well, we're hoping that the party is a little uplifting." Bella shrugged. "I mean, as much as I hate them - if anyone can throw a party, it's Alice. I think Esa would really like her."

"Oh really, what's she like?"

"A giddy, shopaholic, weirdo." Bella said simply, which made Edward laugh and even Braden chuckle. There was a certainty to her words that made him wonder if she was under-exaggerating her character a bit. "She's my best friend, but sometimes her princess, high-fashion enthusiasm scares me."

"If there has ever been anything that Esa can be labeled, it's eccentric."

The three laughed as they drove the tree-lined, winding road down to La Push, it was a nice drive. The kind of drive that had to be done near silence because you wanted to appreciate everything around you...

Of course, all three of them had made this drive many times before, so silence was the last thing that was between them. They were doing a great job with cheering him up. Braden couldn't imagine how life must be in a house with so many of people in it, even when they explained it as they did for a lot of the car ride. They were clearly confident and comfortable individuals. He couldn't help but wonder about the kind of topics that you would talk about with siblings who already knew everything that happened in your day-to-day life.

They particularly liked talking about the party coordinator, Alice. She seemed one of those characters who always had a funny story about her, and apparently, she was very excited to meet him. Her boyfriend Jasper, apparently wanted to meet him too. Their other siblings (or siblings-in-law, for Bella) were married somewhere in the UK, and the adopted parents, Doctor Carlisle, his wife Esme, and their niece Renesmee, all lived in the same house as well. He couldn't begin to imagine the fight to get to the shower every morning.

Braden had always wanted brothers and sisters - a big family to 'share the love' with, so to speak, but he had never gotten one. His mother had died of cancer at a young age, and his father was a business man who didn't really have a lot of time for family...especially when Braden had gotten sick.

Sure, the fact that his father worked so hard made bills really easy and made Braden's life luxurious, but it wasn't the same as having a caring, loving family that he could actually talk to. His father had been very upset when he found out that Braden had tumors in his brain - but he had never paid Braden a visit in the hospital, nor had he really complained when Braden stayed there for days on end after he had been released while Esa was still hospitalized.

In fact, the most contact he had with his father since just before his diagnosis had been when he had explained that he was bringing Esa here. Braden had tried to get him to empathize, to understand that this was a better use of his college fund, his car was well enough to make the journey, and time with her now was more important than anything else - because no one really knew how much time they had left...it had gone over even worse than he'd expected.

His father had argued with him, it had been all raised fists and loud voices. Esa had been in the room beside him, all packed up and ready to go. By the time he came out to get her, she had changed her mind and demanded he take her back to the hospital or to a bus station, so that he could stay and use his money for what it was meant for, and allow him to save face with his father. Braden had refused. And here they were, weeks later, farther apart than they had ever been during the entirety of the time they had known each other.

It was heartbreaking.

Braden parked the car behind all the other vehicles in Paul's driveway, quickly counting how many cars there were and if anyone planned to be home. He turned to Edward and Bella, ready to excuse the mess in the house that he absolutely refused to clean when he saw Edward was very intently looking at the ground, his face tilted to the side as he seemed to either think, or listen.

"Something wrong?"

"No, not at all." Bella said quickly, skipping up to him and grabbing him by the arm. "Let's get in the house, knowing those guys, they'll be ravenous!"

"They eat like animals," Braden agreed with a chuckle. "But I doubt they're here. They've been disappearing on and off lately."

"Oh? Well that's upsetting - maybe we'll come visit you more often then." Bella sent him a smile that startled him with how beautiful it was. He wasn't really okay with the idea of looking at another woman, not after his father had cheated on his mother so often as a child. Despite that, Bella was one of those beauties you could at least appreciate, though you would never have her. She had a complete different kind of beauty than all the girls on TV or in magazines. It was a strange, surreal beauty that wouldn't properly be brought to justice by description or photograph.

"I'd like that." he smiled back. Bella led him up the stairs quickly, but he stopped in his tracks when he heard a rustling in the bushes near the side of the house. His eyes instinctively went for the source of the noise, trying to map out if it would be any sort of threat, or better, if it would be Esa.

From what he had heard from Grace, Esa was sure to be one of the bush girls, like the bush boys here - interestingly enough, it included the boys that stopped around the house so often. Braden's chest swelled as his eyes swiveled around, looking for her - wanting to see her walk out of the woods.

He leaned closer, trying to gaze deeper into the green foliage, but his gaze was broken by Edward stopping right in front of him. They're eyes met, and Edward's face didn't hold the same ghost of a smile as it normally did.

"Let's see if anyone's home?"

"Yeah, they'll be mad if I hold out on food." Braden agreed and with one last glance to see what was in the forest, he stepped into the house. As Braden was calling out to hear the walls echo quietly, he heard Edward whisper to Bella behind him - but it was hard to make out.

"Two for two," is what it sounded like, but it didn't make sense over what he would be keeping score for. Two for two? Two shots, two victories was normally what that meant - as a sports fan, he had heard the term used in hockey and football games all the time. But it didn't really make sense here.

"Well, at least he can be happy. Finally," Bella whispered back. "No, really. I'm happy for him."

He turned towards them, apologetic and curious. "Sorry guys, I guess no one's home. Again."

"Sorry about that," Bella sighed, her voice much more upset than he had heard it today. "We'll stay with you until somebody shows up."

"That might be hours."

Bella smiled sadly, a look he had seen given to Esa many times. But suddenly, he interpreted it differently, much like she did. He understood why she was so bothered by it; it was unnerving and made him feel more vulnerable than he should. He took a long moment to be able to identify it and was upset when he could - it was pity.

"Don't worry, all we've got is time."

**Well, what do you think? Did you catch it - did she imprint on Braden, or no? Hopefully you enjoyed the chapter enough to leave me a comment - I know that with the amount of people who reviewed last time we can totally get reviews up!**

**To my reviewers lovely reviewers,**

**: Hopefully you don't still hate me, I updated as quickly as I could and made sure that you'd at least have something for before I left. I've been told I'm pretty good with cliff hangers so I'm sticking to it - I'm glad that you have developed a good love-hate relationship with them. Thank you for your review!**

_Zerlina2111_**: I'm sorry if it depresses you throughout your work day! It sometimes depresses me too, but I know that some readers would probably kill me if I took too long to update, so I make sure to suffer through it all :) I am glad you enjoyed the chapter and thank you for your compliments and review, it's really appreciated.**

_SasuTenLuvr_**: I know he's been through so much heartbreak, I feel bad for him. That's why all my stories are Jacob based...just trying to find the best and most likely plot for him, even if it does involve his imprint having cancer... well I hope you enjoyed this chapter and got some answers out of it! Thank you for your review :)**

_Angel of the Night Watchers_**: The best part about being a Fanfiction junkie and writer is that you can have skills in **_**anything.**_** Literally even if you were bad at everything you can just read a story of Mary-Sue fantastic-ness and it'll be there. Your description and an endless amount of awesome. It's kind of why I got so addicted to them in the first place...and Draco Malfoy. That's where it all started for me. Anyway, those happen to be my favourites as well - we should start a club. Also, thank you so much for your wonderful, hard work and I hope that I fixed that paragraph well enough, your notes were extremely helpful! **

_sugar-ice_**: Ah, but did he pin her to the floor? We didn't see if he got there in time and Braden was looking into the forest for her. I'm making it a hobby to try and blow peoples minds with questions. I hope you liked this chapter and thank you for reviewing!**

_Mandi_**: Sadly, Braden and Leah have already met and caught eyes, so she can't imprint on him now. I'm glad that you're liking Esa-Rosa/Jacob lovin', but I can't tell you who she imprinted on...though I gave you some hints :) I hope you liked this chapter too, thank you for taking the time to review...that rhymed. Cool.**

_ally0212_**: I'm sorry that the formatting bothered you, it was actually an experiment using that perspective on a similar idea last year for a paper in Creative Writing. My teacher explained that it's Third Person Omniscient perspective, meaning that the thoughts of everyone can be incorperated and that it's basically first person without the same form of noun. Again, I'm sorry it bothered you and I hope that it's something you can get past because I tried to add a little humour by seeing that none of her thoughts were in control of themselves, nor the thoughts of others. I hope you enjoyed this chapter more and thank you for your review :)**

_(blank space with no name)_**: I'm glad that you like the stories! Thank you so much for reviewing, I hope that you liked this chapter just as much as the others I released. Hope to hear more from you, stranger!**

_Happy2BeeMe_**: Forgetting Franki is a pretty popular story, so I totally understand. I like writing both of them, though I think Franki's character is stronger. Thank you for the luck with school, though these two weeks off are going to be great! Thank you for your review and I really hope you liked the chapter.**

**PLEASE REVIEW**

-Egypt


	14. I Love You

**Hello guys! Here is the long awaited lovey-dovey chapter full of fluff, angst and comedy. Hopefully you end up enjoying it. Thank you to the people who reviewed and as always, thank you to **_Angel of the Night Watchers _**for being such an amazing Beta. Really, she's wonderful, guys. My chapters wouldn't be nearly as great without her. **

**Anyway, vacation was great. I'm back after my two weeks off and I will be getting out chapters even though I'm behind. Don't worry. **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

The amount of love that was flowing between the two of them was palpable. Literally palpable. It was to the point that none of them seemed to be able to move through the shock of it, the intensity of it.

It was a shock to see Jacob pinning Esa-Rosa to the ground, but it was more of a shock that she had just imprinted on him and that she didn't really seem to care. But the intensity started to get awkward for Paul very quickly. The two new lovebirds weren't really thinking in words or images, not even coherent thoughts. They were just..._staring_. It was as if they were amazed or stunned or possibly having strokes, Paul couldn't be sure. All he knew was that somehow, they could tune out all the shock around them and just live in the moment of staring at one another for the rest of their lives.

This could end up being a problem.

_Dude, get off my sister._

There was literally no brain function to show that either of them had heard.

_Dude, I said get off my sister. I don't need to see this shit._

Paul assumed that they now had to consider it a possibility that a double imprinting could cause some sort of mental retardation, because neither one seemed to be able to hear them or notice anything that was happening around them.

Sam automatically started worrying about all the problems that this could cause and Paul growled when he was forced to look at the scene again: Jake was so much bigger than Tess, even as a wolf. It was wrong that he was pinning her so awkwardly, hopefully not putting even a quarter of his weight on the little thing. He better not be thinking anything dirty about it either, after all, Tessa was not a dirty being. And even if she _became _a dirty being, Paul had better never know about it. In his mind, she was as clean as that startling white coat of hers, even if she had been dating Braden for almost three years.

_Braden._

That simple thought seemed to knock them out of the trance they were in and Jake was quick to climb off of her. Paul rushed and helped push her back up with his muzzle, worried about what would now happen to the little wolf who he knew was about to hate herself.

He wasn't quite happy that she had imprinted, just because of what she was about to go through. He had been in there when it happened to Sam, when it swamped his mind and he was not ready to see his sister put through all of that pain. Sam was a lot stronger than Esa-Rosa because Sam was not as..._emotional _a being. She had only ever lived in her feelings. She had always said that they were the one thing you could always count on when you knew that time wasn't on your side.

_I imprinted on Jake._

She informed them, but seemed to be in a bit of shock herself. She was not looking at any of them, not even Jake who was stinging with hurt that he was terrible at concealing.

_We know._

Paul was quick to send as much comfort to his sister as he could, but it was drowned out by the amount of pain it caused Jake and the worry that naturally flashed through Sam's mind as he remembered everything he had gone through between his lover and his imprint.

They just couldn't stay away from the damn love triangles, could they?

_Don't hate me._

_Nobody hates you._

Jake was quick to comfort her and they all felt the warmth that expanded through Tessa's chest, it seemed to squirm it's way through Jacob's immediately after. Paul knew that he should leave them alone to talk everything out, let them do their thing and be all imprint-at-first-sight like everyone else had gotten the chance to do - but Tess had a bit more riding on this than the other wolves did. Besides, he knew her well enough to know that as soon as she was left alone to think, she would never forgive herself if something happened between Jake and she while she was still in a relationship with Braden. That would clearly have to wait until she had broken up with him.

_Broken...up?_

When she thought the words, they sounded foreign and didn't seem to make sense in Paul's mind either. She didn't understand that breaking up with Braden had ever been a choice, nevertheless possible. And sure enough, slowly, the stubbornness and loyalty started to push it's way into the corner of her mind with disturbing strength and speed.

_No. No, I can't leave Braden. I love Braden!_

_You love me._

Jake's voice was not as confident as he was making himself appear.

_Of course I love you._

To Jacob, that seemed to be all she needed to say because he trotted over there as if he were a puppy in a dog show and nuzzled against her. She took five large steps away from him, turning her head away because of the pain it sent through her chest - and consequently everyone else.

_I loved Braden first._

_You love me more._

_That doesn't matter._

_So you don't deny it?_

_I don't know what's going on! _

Were wolves able to cry, Tessa probably would have been weeping. Paul's suspicions were confirmed when she threw back her head and let out a mournful cry that crashed through the trees and echoed around them bitterly. The sound was so painful that it made the boys cringe and instinctively lay on their bellies in the most submissive and least intimidating stance so that they could look at her.

Still, she howled.

_Please, Tessie. Please stop, we can talk this out._

_I want my Braden!_

Her howl continued bitterly, knowing that this fight was pointless.

_You can't go to him until you're stable._

_I will be stable when I have my Braden!_

_No, Tess._

Paul cut in, inching forward with his body low to he ground.

_Being with Braden will make you _un_stable. It's too much of an emotional coaster for you._

_Don't tell me what I feel!_

_I can _feel _what you feel, Tess! Do you want to kill him?_

Her howl cut short very suddenly, the silence it left behind was eerie. The white wolf turned to look at him, her eyes flashing dangerously...as if she were a real wolf.

_I would never kill my Braden._

_It wouldn't have to be on purpose._

Paul countered, taking a step back as he saw the anger that flashed through her eyes. He was not used to being the calm one in a situation - maybe his sister _was _more like him than he thought.

_Stop it, I would never, ever hurt him!_

_You need to stay near Jake_ _because you can't hurt _him_._

_But I can hurt you!_

She launched herself at her brother, snapping her teeth and thrashing her paws around dangerously. She was surprisingly strategic, even while her head was filled with painful images of a two sided coin: one side of Braden and her happiness, before it's ripped away from him leaving him full of sadness and her of happiness with her imprint - who she would make happy because of her happiness. The other, her and Jake - who would be so sad if she were to leave him for Braden who would be happy and promise her everything she had ever dreamed of.

It was a double edged sword. Both ways mangled something beautiful.

_Stop fighting him, Esa-Rosa._

It was the first command that she had heard from Sam. She felt so strange, there was a warm feeling go through her body that was just warmer than the blood running through her veins. The feeling wasn't fair. Jake didn't think it was fair either, she could tell, but the feeling of hot encouragement running through her made her mechanically sit down without her consent. She was even more upset when she realized what had happened and saw Paul backing away - he was barely marred and in complete control of his own body.

_That isn't fair!_

_Sam, don't give her orders like that-_

_Not now, Jake._

_Take - it - back!_

Tessa screeched, unable to move under the pressure of the command. She struggled as hard as she could, but she could feel herself losing energy fast, which was starting to send worry through her brother and her imprint. They all knew wolves weren't supposed to tire so easily, even under orders.

_I want my Braden! I'm alive now, I want Braden to be happy...I want Jake to help me live. I want both. I want them both here._

_I can still help you live like you wanted to, Tessie._

_Braden can too!_

_But Braden __won't_.

Paul hissed his thoughts so that their message would come through as clearly as they could. He was trying hard to prove the point that none of them really wanted to vocalize: Braden would never be part of their world, not now that she was imprinted with Jake. The two were soulmates and Braden would be left behind in the dust. With Tess being in love with Jake, there was nothing that anyone could do to stop the whiplash that the suddenness of this new connection would bring.

_It wasn't sudden._

No, it hadn't been sudden. Not that Tess would have admitted that earlier before she imprinted. But maybe that's the only reason that she had fallen for him in the first place, who knew? Imprinting did strange things to what should have been normal people.

_Imprinting can do that?_

That probably wasn't a good thought because suddenly Tessa's mind was spinning with the lack of balance of it all. She was starting to think it unfair that she had no choice on who she loved, starting to wonder if it were possible that she wouldn't have loved Jake at all were it not for the imprint.

It was a feeling of Déja Vu for the pack.

It was a feeling of dread for Jacob.

_Tessie, please..._

Jake was in physical pain that was radiating off of him, it was sending strange sensations through Tessa, which they all felt. Her natural instinct said that she needed to protect her imprint, but how would she protect her imprint from pain, if it was her own pain that was putting him, and consequently her, through it as well?

_Jake...Jake I don't want to be a wolf anymore..._

_You can't just turn it off, Tess._

She shook her giant head and when finally looked to him again her silver eyes looked like they were glistening. She wished that she was able to step towards him, but she was still stuck on her belly because Sam was such a dictator.

_I want to phase back. Let me phase back._

_I don't know how to help you, Tess..._

They had all told her how they phase back - human thoughts, human memories, remembering what it feels like to be human as you throw your animal side away. But she hadn't been able to do at least part of it because she hadn't been able to phase back yet, she just didn't know which she was missing.

_I just want..._

She wasn't really sure what she wanted. She wanted to be held, she wanted to cry, she wanted to run away from all her problems - but that was changing the longer she stayed by him. Instead of running away from him, she wanted to run into his arms - her romantic side was winning over and Sam was relieved with the progress.

_Keep thinking like that and you can._

The more human, the more rational and less primal her thoughts were, the easier it would be for her first phase back to human - which was bound to be painful and exhausting.

_Jared, go get Leah. She needs to be here for this._

_I can see her naked, it's not that big a deal-_

_No one is seeing my sister naked!_

_We've all seen each other naked._

Paul would have hit him Jared were he close enough.

_This is my sister._

_My imprint._

_My __little_ _sister. Screw you, Jake. Jare, go get Leah._

_On it._

And just like that, Jared phased out.

Tessa did not enjoy the new sensation of being unable to control her own body, she didn't like that she couldn't move towards Jake and have him help her in case she was about to turn back into a person.

When Jake realized that this was a problem, he slowly brought himself over to Tessa - making sure that she wasn't going to change her mind. When she didn't seem to want anything but to be near him, he was quick to nuzzle his face into her neck, they started a strange dance of their noses, almost as if daring each other to be more affectionate. She seemed to like the feeling of his fur - it was much longer than hers and much warmer. She liked the amount of attention she was getting from Jake, it was something that Braden didn't often like to do so publicly.

All she wanted to do was run her fingers through his hair, actually be able to press her face against his and feel how warm he was on skin. She wanted to rub her hands on his chest, like she had when she covered him with egg, or so she could get a piggy back, or so she could touch his face...anything.

The pain came quick.

It was quick, but lasting. It wasn't quite a sharp pain, or a dull pain - it was closer to agony than anything. It was the slightly familiar feeling of her bones relocating themselves and her body crawling back into herself - her fur, her muscle, her size. She was something monstrous folding itself back into something much more delicate.

_It's okay, Tessie. Let it happen._

Her bones shrank within her body. Her thumbs traveled farther down her arms and to her hands. Her ribs constricted themselves closer to her chest. Her nose scrunched closer into her face. Her ears fell down her skull, rounding themselves out as they began to ring, and her skin burnt as it opened itself, pulling back all the hair like scratching nails.

Tessa howled, the burning of the transformation wasn't making sense and it was even more painful than her phase into what she had been. By the time she had lost her breath, her howl had turned into a morbid scream that had her curling into herself as she laid down on the forest floor.

"Tess!" Paul exclaimed once he was clothed, he figured there was no need to traumatize her. He ran toward her, worried when she yelled again and slapped her hands over her ears. His sister wasn't wearing any clothes and her skin was glistening with exhaustion from her transformation. She was curled into the fetal position, her forehead heavily laying against the ground. Somehow, even though she turned into a giant wolf, she still looked like the most fragile being of the entire reservation.

"Tessie! Tess, are you okay?" Jacob asked, now also fully clothed and following Paul's lead by rushing to her. Paul couldn't help the protective growl that came out of his chest as Jake came close to her - she wasn't decent and he didn't want the guy to get any ideas.

"Stop screaming at me!"

"We're not screaming-" Paul whispered, making sure to be quiet.

"Her hearing's really sensitive," Sam explained, walking forward. His voice was noticeably lowered. "She hasn't adjusted yet."

"Why is it taking her so much longer?" Paul asked nervously, trying not to say aloud how that didn't make any sense.

"I don't know," Sam admitted, crossing his arms over his chest. "She's pretty much a mystery to the Elders."

"I can hear you..."

"Do you think anything's wrong with her...still?" Paul whispered as quietly as he could. He and Jake exchanged a pointed look while Sam let out a long breath of air.

"We'll have to keep a close eye on her."

"I can _still _hear you. I can hear _everything_!" Tessa slowly let her hands leave her ears and winced quickly before she put them back on. The boys looked at each other with matching grimaces.

That was definitely not normal.

"Tessa, are you okay?"

"I'm-" she took a breath, letting her hands free of her skull again as she tried to examine the feel of her body. "Oh my God, I'm naked!"

"Esa, it's fine. We're all used to it-" Sam began but both she and Paul seemed to disagree with him.

"I don't want any of you to see her naked, _I _don't want to see her naked!"

"I don't want Jake to see me naked yet!" Everyone looked at her with varied expressions of shock before everyone pulled their own face over the statement.

"_Yet_?" Jake repeated with a goofy smile.

"Piss off, man." Paul warned.

"No! Jake, stay." Tessa's voice was slightly panicked. "I want you to stay."

"Sure, sure." He smiled, inching closer to her. Paul growled.

"Back. Off."

"She told me to stay," Jacob defended.

"To stay, not to get closer while she doesn't have any clothes."

"Speaking of which, you can _all _back off." Leah's voice sounded loudly through the trees and Tessa let out a small whimper from the volume of it. Jake flinched towards her instinctively and Paul growled again. At this rate, it would turn into a blood bath, but luckily Jared rolled his eyes as he walked forward and told them to calm down. "Alright boys, turn around so I can get the kid dressed."

"Thank you," Tessa whispered, glad when Leah was tugging a sundress over her head. She stood up and stretched her limbs, her legs wobbled a bit - she was not used to being upright. Leah narrowed her eyes, scrutinizing every inch of her.

"You're taller."

Tessa lowered her eyes and judged the difference to her feet, there was a perceivable difference. "Looks like it."

"You're darker."

"That's a nice change," she smiled awkwardly. She didn't like Leah's dark eyes and they way they were summing her up so suspiciously. She hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, she was rather proud of the fact she had been able to become a human again.

"You're stronger. Fuller. In girly _and _boyish ways."

"I know, I can feel it." Tessa all but blushed at the thought that all the boys would end up seeing this about her now that it was mentioned. She definitely did that on purpose.

"You're also _screwed_. Congrats on the death sentence - I mean, _imprint._"

"Leah!" Sam hissed, but Tessa's face had already fallen and the pain of the statement had already spread through her chest.

"Is that all you needed me for, boss?" She asked with an eyeroll to Sam. Sam huffed, clearly angry with her while he jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

"Leave before you upset her and get your dress ruined."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Leah walked away with a confident swing to her hips, clearly feeling proud of the internal argument she had sparked again in the small girl's mind.

"Tess...are you okay?"

"I feel sick," she whispered. Paul noticed that not only had her face paled out again, but she looked like she was about ready to cry. He wondered if she meant love sick, or nauseous. Probably both.

"Do you want to go lay down?" Jared asked softy. She nodded, looking very small despite her new height and very childlike.

"Let's go, Tess."

Paul linked his arm with hers and they quickly walked away from her thoughts though it was hard to the fact that she wasn't headed towards her home - they still were not going to let her see Braden. But that didn't matter right now, not when she could not hear one of the men she desperately needed with her, at all times.

She held her hand flexed to the side, not drawing any attention to it other than letting it trail behind her. It took less than ten seconds for it to be engulfed by Jacob's warmth.

"Jake," she breathed, as if suddenly she had forgotten how to do it on her own. He looked down on her and smiled. She liked this, him being so close to her. She liked having him around and as much trouble as this would cause, she was glad that she had a reason to be with him, that there was a reason to the pull she had felt. She was his and right now, it was the only thing that _really _made sense to her. She loved him.

If only she could have forseen what it would cost.

* * *

**Uh-oh, that sounds ominous. What could it mean? Well, I'm sorry, but I just can't tell you. You wouldn't read past here if I did! **

**Thank you to my reviewers, I really appreciate these so here are your responses:**

_SasuTenLuvr_**: There you go, now you know that it **_was _**Jake that got the girl. For now, at least. Obviously I can't make it that simple, no matter how hard her life has been so far. Yeah, Bella pisses me off too. If you like Bella hatred, you would love Forgetting Franki. Seriously. I'm excited to start writing more about the imprint and stuff, so I hope you like where this ends up going. Thanks for your review!**

_RealLifeWolfGirl_**: Sorry I couldn't update before I left again, but I'm glad you could relax since I didn't. I couldn't make her imprint on Braden, that would just be cruel! Not that everything that's going to happen won't be tortorous in itself, but I'm sure you get what I mean. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this update, thank you for your review!**

_ForeverTeamEdward13_**: Thank you for your review and the compliment, I really appreciate it. I also feel bad for Braden, his life is about to get a lot more complicated, but I think it will be good for the story, even if not for the love triangle I've made. Hopefully you liked this chapter, thanks again :)**

_Angel of the Night Watchers_**: I won't deny, the story I'm inspired to write now is a Draco Malfoy fanfic. I'm THAT in love with him. It's all about the bad boys, I tell you. They've stolen my hearts because they're bad ass enough to actually steal them where as characters like Edward and Harry are far too noble to steal anything at all. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for helping with spelling and stuff, sometimes I get so excited so I accidentally skip letters or type so quickly my keyboard can't keep up. It's a talent with a double edged sword.**

_toxic petals_**: Wow, thank you so much for this awesome review! It's nice to know that people who find my story later on still like to comment on it and I'm really glad that you liked it. I was worrying that Esa wasn't as strong a character as she needed to be, so that's really nice to hear. I am putting in some hints, but I don't want to make anything too obvious. Thank you so much for starting to read my stories, I'm so glad you like them and glad that you took the time to review. I really appreciate it. I hope you like what has yet to come!**

Thanks for reading, please **REVIEW!**

**-Egypt**


	15. What Now?

**Hey guys! Wow, it's been a while since I've updated this and I would have updated it sooner but there were some technological difficulties. But no fear, we sorted it out and now I'm updating this story for you again! This gives you a little bit of information on how Tessa is taking the change and how everyone around her is dealing with things - hopefully you like it. A special thank you to my beta **_Angel of the Night Watchers _**for being consistently fantastical :)**

**Enjoy!**

"Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed! I'm sorry Emily, I had no idea I was so hungry." Esa blushed, her cheeks going red once she realized that the giant mound of pancakes Emily had made her had disappeared.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. All of you wolves eat like this, you were much less messy than they are. You're doing fine." She smiled encouragingly and pat the young girl on the back, making her go even more red.

"Thank you." She said quietly.

"Of course, sweetheart." Emily smiled, taking the plate away from her.

"I didn't know that Americans regularly ate maple syrup," she admitted to make conversation. "Mom and Paul never did. It was only when I started living with Dad that I got so into it."

"Well it's a good thing that Quil, Claire and I like it, then." She laughed at me. "If we didn't we wouldn't have any in the house - no one else will touch it."

"Lucky," she agreed, folding her hands together in her lap. She clenched them together tightly to fight off all the tension that was building in her body. She could tell that her muscles were trying to tell her something, but her brain still didn't understand the wolf-to-muscle language that seemed to come with the transformation. Apparently the boys understood what this meant, but she was a little behind in the race.

Emily had been very supportive to help her figure out many of the different signals and people surrounding the pack. She had been accommodating since she had gotten there in the morning as well. She'd been kind. She said that she was glad Tessa had figured out phasing, she had been quick to make a mountain of food, and she had been sweet enough to stay while the boys went out of even _her _earshot to talk about her. It was not only kind - but appreciated.

What Esa-Rosa _didn't _appreciate was knowing that the boys had left so they could talk about her. She felt like Sam, Jacob, and Paul were gossiping about her like high school girls and she didn't like not being let in on the rumours. She had never been one for the gossip between all the nurses at the hospitals, but she now knew that being the subject of the whispers was ten times worse.

But worst of all, she knew they were talking about Braden. Her and Braden. Her, _Jake _and Braden. The three of them and the reminiscence of the _last _love triangle and how well that had worked out for the one left with nothing and the one who had to choose, whose thoughts were still tortured when he didn't think anyone was listening. She didn't want to accept that she was a large part of this new disturbing love triangle that was now broken on one end, and that end just so happened to be the man she had fallen in love with years prior to this new chapter of her fantasy novel.

But even as she thought of it, she felt a shiver slither it's way down her spine.

"You have to stop worrying," Emily smiled as she sat opposite Esa, having seen the tremor as it shook her hands. She was surprised that Emily didn't seem worried by it. "You know that they're only trying to work things out easier for you."

"You don't really believe that, do you?" She asked, completely deadpan. Emily frowned, watching the girls mood swings carefully. She was almost as bad as her brother, the problem was she seemed to swing between more than just happiness and anger. Emily furrowed her eyebrow, the other of which now naturally looked perturbed.

"Are you worried about Braden, or Jake?"

Emily was shocked by the way Tessa went rigid, it was usually a warning sign for her of worse things but it didn't seem like she felt anything other than guilt. She was proud of how focused Esa was on her breathing, a small tip Sam had given her just that morning to keep herself calm.

"Both." Tessa admitted after a long moment. "I don't want to not have a choice between them and I don't want to _need _to choose between them..."

"But?" Emily prompted.

"I love Braden," Tessa said immediately. "I always have. I love him."

"But? It's okay, you know. No one here will judge you - we all understand." Emily prompted again, reaching her hand forward towards Esa, who worriedly pulled away. She didn't like the idea of being too close to anyone who didn't have supernatural healing anymore - not after Sam repeatedly played what had happened to Emily over and over in his head to deter her from wanting to visit Braden.

"No you don't," Tessa said tearily. "You were the girl who got what she wanted. Your cousin can't leave you because she's your _cousin _and your fiancé won't leave you because he's 'the one'. You had the choice to choose between them, Sam could have been your friend - you wanted more. Trust me, I understand but..."

She sniffed, making Emily's heart swell. She climbed out of her chair, across the table, and sat down in the seat directly beside Esa, taking the young girl's hand from her lap and holding it atop the table. "So you love Jake, too."

"That's the problem!" Emily almost pulled back by the sudden change from the distraught girl into the girl who now looked furious. "I'm head over heels for the guy who a week ago I didn't see as anything more than a friend-"

"I know that's not true, _you _know that's not true." Emily whispered softly, rubbing circles into her hand. She was surprised by how much cooler Esa felt than the other wolves, something she had to be sure to mention to Sam. "You felt it before. We all saw it."

"And that makes it _worse_." Tessa scoffed, moving her hands away from Emily's grasp so that she could make wild motions to accentuate her emotions. "What about my boyfriend? I'm literally just leaving him behind because my blood has all these weird genetics that make me have leukemia and then be a werewolf! Who _does _that?"

"He loves you, Tessie. Braden loves you and he will understand."

Esa-Rosa barked out something that was too dark to be a laugh. "How could he ever understand this? I'm not allowed to tell him."

"He will understand that he's not what you need." She corrected.

"But I do need him!" She assured firmly. "I've always needed him. He's always been the hopeful one and I was always the strong one - we balance each other out. He was the one who told me that I would live and I would be happy..."

"You don't think that Jake could do that?" Emily asked doubtfully, watching her closely. Yes, Esa knew that the answer was that Jacob could. That he did. That he _had. _But that didn't help fight her case that Braden was the one that she should be with. She shook her head, feeling agonized by the hole that seemed to be burning itself through her chest.

"How could he ever understand?"

Jake chose that moment to come through the door, he was followed in by Sam. Jacob quickly made his way to the chair on the other side of Esa-Rosa, but he seemed to realize that he shouldn't get any closer. Instead, his eyes warily scratched over the scene in front of him - Emily comforting Tessa who looked deflated and crestfallen. The chair creaked as he sat on it, looking nervous.

"Hi," he said slowly.

Esa wished that she could disassociate herself from the situation so that she could look at things realistically, but she couldn't make herself be angry with the swelling in her chest at the sound of Jacob's voice. Her eyes smoldered against him and he only returned the look, but she could see a small smile lining his face. He just seemed happy that she was acknowledging him.

"I'm going on patrol soon," Jake explained slowly, knowing that this news would not be good news for her. "Will you be okay to stay with Sam?"

"Not Paul?" She asked suspiciously. "Where is he?"

"Paul's running some errands," Jake lied lightly. Tessa frowned, she had been getting really good with being able to hear whether or not someone was telling the truth, just because of that slight quiver in their voice, or the resolve when they knew that they could be caught.

"Please don't lie to me," Tessa whispered in confusion, not understanding the point. "I don't care if you don't tell me - I'll get it out of Paul later - but don't lie."

"Alright. He's checking on Braden. I'm going on patrol." Jake whispered meaningfully again, as if he wanted to divert attention from the darker emphasis on Braden's name and remind Tessa about the fact that _he _wasn't going to be there. "I'm going on patrol. Sam wants to talk to you."

"I want to go with you," She said immediately, standing up so that she was ready to run out the door with him if he tried to fight about it. She didn't like the idea of being cooped up in the house without any of her comfort-companions. Jake sighed and grabbed Esa's hand - her heart stuttered at the contact and the worst part is that she knew he had heard it...after all, she had easily heard his do the same.

"You can't."

"Why not? Why can't I run patrol, too? I'm a wolf now." She said indignantly, still not comfortable being left alone when she could hurt Emily - all thanks to Sam's mental influence, of course. It wasn't that she felt like she would be in the mood to phase any time soon, but she didn't like being put in the compromising position just in case. Since she no longer understood what this new body of hers would be capable of, she didn't want to push boundaries. On top of that, trial and error was not the way she wanted was willing to learn.

"You are a wolf," he agreed. "But we don't know how long it will be before you can shift back and forth comfortably, right? You don't want to be a wolf when you can't choose to be, right? If you stay here then Sam will talk to you more about it."

She frowned, still not liking the idea, but he made a valid point. She was well aware fro m everything Jake had let her know that he had never wanted to turn and he didn't like that he'd had no choice but to become a wolf. He caught her disappointment and slowly put his hand to her lip, touching it lightly, a shiver went down her spine from the warm sensation of his fingers.

"I'll be back before you know it." He assured her, moving his hand to her cheek bone and touching it lightly. Her eyes fluttered closed at the contact. She was always surprised by how quickly his warmth passed through her - this always worried him, his warmth and her lack of it, but it was something Esa kind of enjoyed. It still kept him separated from Braden, in her mind. And that was something she constantly needed - to differentiate the qualities of love between the two.

"You'd better be." She muttered, more to herself as she opened her eyes. He smiled at her, moving his hand down to her hand again and giving it a good squeeze before he stood up.

"Keep an eye on her, Emily. Please." He added, looking to her meaningfully. Esa caught the exchange and looked between them nervously, something was being said in that gaze that she hadn't been around long enough to understand.

"Of course, Jake. Don't be late, imprint or not Sam hates it." Emily smiled, shooing the giant out the door. Jake went, complaining the entire time, but he was sure to give another supportive glance towards Tess before Emily shut the door.

Esa looked back down to her empty plate, upset by he amount of disappointment she felt now that he'd left. She watched as Emily sat back down across from her. Emily seemed completely fine now that Sam was in the room, but the room was suddenly a lot dimmer than when she had come in this morning and expected to see Jake soon. Everything always felt different when he was gone.

"Have you ever lost anyone?" Esa blurted, blushing when she did. Sam gave her a stern look, but Emily smiled sadly to let her know that she wasn't insulted by the question.

"Yes, I lost my Uncle a couple years ago." Emily's voice was very understanding, as if she knew why it was being asked.

"How did you cope?"

"I had Sam," she smiled, looking behind her to Sam who smiled in the same way. They shared a measured look, something that made Esa so uncomfortable that she looked away as her cheeks reddened again. "That's all I needed to help me through it."

"Oh."

Emily could probably tell that Esa-Rosa wasn't happy with that answer. She couldn't help but worry about how much Jake worried over her impeding death. Even if she was the only one who had so much as contemplated the possibility that it could still happen now that she had turned. And that was one of those things that she really wanted Braden to be there for, because Braden had known her at her best and worst and she didn't feel the need to constantly be on her best behaviour to try and impress him. She had known him too long for that and she knew Braden could appreciate the feeling of loss and sorrow that she felt.

"Is this about Jackie?" Sam asked behind Emily, piping up for the first time.

"Yes," Esa sighed, resting her head in her arms. "I'm not even going to get to be there for her funeral, now."

"I'm sure she wouldn't blame you. Turning into a werewolf is kind of limiting." Emily put her hand on Esa's arm and Esa smiled at her. The girl snorted as some memory that Emily didn't want to ask to be a part of played through her mind.

"No, she wouldn't be mad." She agreed. "I still wish I were."

As Esa said that, she could hear heavy footprints in the foliage outside. Distinctive, something she recognized. She couldn't recognize any other wolf's steps from another yet - save this one. Because he was more than just any wolf to her. "Jake's checking up on you."

"Don't you mean you?"

"No, you. Probably making sure you're treating me right." Both Sam and Emily laughed, even though she was completely serious. Esa tried not to pay too much mind to the fact that she now felt so excited to know that Jake was just outside.

She had missed the days when she would get so excited to see that someone was home. It seemed like so long ago since she had been in the house waiting for Braden every time he came home from work...well, she amended silently, it _had _been so long ago. Sam listened for a long few seconds before looking over at Tessa with raised eyebrows.

"You have amazing hearing."

"Thank you," Tessa smiled broadly. "I had it even before all this."

"Remember not to tell Seth," Sam laughed, kissing Emily lightly. "He'll rebel against you or explode with some other form of dramatics."

"I've already knocked him down a few pegs. I doubt he'd explode...maybe just spontaneously combust."

"Oh! Would you want something to eat, Sam?" Emily asked, almost surprised that she had waited so long before asking. "I'm sure Tessie wouldn't mind more."

Tessa's stomach almost grumbled at the thought, but she shook her head. "No, I couldn't..."

"Of course you could, stop being modest. All the wolves do it," she explained with a smile as she stood up. "Though I won't deny, it's a breath of fresh air for someone to actually be polite about it."

"Is that one of those times I should say 'you're welcome'?" Tessa asked sarcastically.

"No thanks, Em." Sam kissed her cheek softly. "I was hoping I could actually borrow Tessie for a bit?"

"Don't ask me, ask her." Emily looked at Esa for approval, who looked nervous before she nodded. She stood from her seat slowly. "There you go. Want me to have some pie ready for you guys when you come back?"

"That's okay," Esa shook her head, eyes wide. "I'm stuffed."

"You're a bad liar, is what you are." Sam laughed. "Only if you're already making it."

"My career is my food. So don't you worry." She headed towards the kitchen as Sam ushered Tessa back towards the door. "Play nicely, children!"

"Bye, Emily!" She squeaked out before Sam closed the door, looking to Emily with those imprint eyes that made Esa almost embarrassed to see it. Even when Jake gave them to her, it was like her face battled to become warmer than it had the last time he'd done it.

"What are we doing?" She asked as they began to walk on the edge of the forest, away from the dirt road the cars drove down.

"We're going to go for a little walk to talk - as humans so that we don't run into any problems. Okay?"

"Okay," Esa nodded, stepping at a light pace beside him. She tried to ignore the fact he had spoken to her as a child. "What are we talking about?"

She could just image how he was going to lecture her on taking things easy - how this body of hers was new and how even though she been delicate before, she still had to be responsible now that she wasn't. She assumed that he may mention that no other wolf had ever had the problems she had when it came to shifting back and fourth. She also assumed that he would be condescending more than what he just had been.

"We're going to talk about Jake."

Her blood cooled in her system, sending a chill through her. She probably should have been able to guess that one, too.

"So, you know all about what this means - you and Jacob imprinting on each other?" He asked slowly, matching her pace now that it had slowed from the shock. He did it without complaint, but she could tell it was a strain for him to move so slowly.

"It means we're destined, doesn't it?"

"Exactly," Sam said with a nod. "You're destined. You could even say you're more destined than the other imprints because between them there's just the _one _imprint bond, but you have two, which makes it stronger than than other couples-"

"You don't have to sugar-coat it," she sneered openly. "You're talking about Braden."

"It's something that you keep trying to avoid, but it has to be brought up Tess," Sam sighed. "This is a really sticky situation - take it from me."

"I know what you went through. That you were in my shoes...but you still don't get it." She shook her head to emphasize her meaning. "Braden was there when I was dying, Sam. He was the one who kept me fighting and you - you don't understand what it's like to die like I was. It's slow and it's painful and all you want is for it to be over in whatever way is fastest. I wanted to die so many times and he basically stole the ideas right out of my head because he gave me a reason to stay. It's cheesy and girly and complicated - but it's true."

"I know it's true." Sam said sadly. "I wish it weren't."

"And Jake is great, Jake is-" she closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath that came out much more ragged than she would have liked. "A new, beautiful kind of life. But I can't just throw the old one away. The old one is my _real _life...this is just some fantasy that a dying kid makes up and it doesn't end up being real. He's like...my hallucination. He's too perfect to be anything else. And he isn't real, _this _isn't real." She pointed at herself as the tears of frustration started to build. "This imprinting thing - that's not real love. You said so yourself. It's genetics. And Jake may be perfect for my body and my heart but Braden has always been the one for my loyalty."

"Your situation is very...different," he agreed, nodding his head and looking away from her. "I can't imagine the pain your in. But it's not just Braden you'll hurt with this - not just Jake."

"I know," she winced remembering all the people who shared a pack mind with each other. The spider web of pain that Leah inflicted on them every time that she phased was hard, she couldn't imagine adding a new drama to that. "I don't want to hurt anyone."

"You shouldn't want to hurt yourself, either." Sam said sternly. "Paul's been paying close attention to all those stray little thoughts of yours...he's getting worried."

"_Everyone _seems to be worrying about me. He's just in big brother mode," she snorted. "It's nothing too serious."

"He thinks differently. He says they're too constant and even though you're swatting them away, they're pretty vicious." He looked at Esa intensely, all the wolves seemed to have that gaze. He watched her reactions carefully, seeing how she winced at the truth behind them. "Are you okay...really?"

"I don't care if I'm okay," she admitted. "I want everyone _else _to be okay."

"That's not how it works."

"Well it should be!" Her mood change didn't surprise him. After all, he was very close with her older brother who was much worse for his fits. "I'm used to disappointment and pain and I got used to the idea of losing everything. I'm not about to take it away from someone else who never had to go through it!"

That helped Sam make sense of it, she could tel. But all she could imagine was that she was playing death. As if she had the scythe and cape, and was going around and killing peoples hopes as she infiltrated their lives. It was a disturbing image and even though it wasn't realistic, there was a part of it that felt literal.

"It would have been better if I didn't have the wolf gene." She sighed, knowing how that horrible image would soon be replayed in all the pack's minds.

"Then you would have died, Tessie." Sam shook his head with a frown.

"I was ready for it," she began but Sam stopped walking and grabbed her shoulders.

"There! That's what Paul's scared of. You don't even realize what it's doing to him." Esa closed her eyes so that she didn't have to see how much he was judging her for thoughts she had never been able to avoid.

"That's my point proven right there, then."

"No, Tess. Paul is torn up about what he's been hearing, Jake doesn't even know what to do. It's to the point where no one knows how to help because we don't know what you plan to do. There are difficulties besides this double imprint that come with you phasing and we're all worried."

"Like what?" She sneered, expecting it to be about her attitude. About her self-degrading thoughts when it came to the fact she was in love with two men, thoughts besides the actual fact she'd imprinted twice. Maybe because her thoughts were so hopelessly romantic, or because she was too wild when she was playing around as a wolf. She was surprised again.

"Your smell."

Esa's eyes widened slightly before she purposefully sniffed herself. She smelt the same as she always had, a mix of camp fire and rosemary. She looked to Sam with a frown, did that smell bad to other people? "What's wrong with my smell?"

"You don't smell like a wolf, Tess. And we wolves...we have a very distinctive base to our smells." She had noticed. "You don't have it. In fact...you smell exactly the same as you used to."

She took a breath trying to wrap her head around what she was being told. "What are you saying? What does that mean?"

"What I'm saying is - we don't know what it is, but something's wrong."

"What do I smell like to you?" Esa felt her chest start to constrict worriedly - was this the truth of it? Were all her worst fears actually coming true even after everyone had told her she would be okay now? It's not like she hadn't thought it was an option, she had _convinced _herself it was an option. But now that she was being told that it was her fate?

She thought Jake was supposed to be her fate.

Sam took his hand and rubbed at his face, suddenly looking like he didn't want to have the conversation either. This made her more fierce. "What do I smell like?"

"Well, it changes sometimes - I smell a lot of fire, but..."

"You know that's not how I mean it." She said darkly. She could tell by his reaction what she was going to hear and she ripped herself out of his hold while she began to tremble and her eyes began to water once again. She had given herself just that _second _of hope...she should have known better.

"You smell like _illness._" He said with a grimace. "We don't understand it. You seem fine and healthier than ever but there's still the..."

"Mutated cells throwing off my smell." She finished for him. "I still have my leukemia, don't I?"

"We don't know that..."

"No, it would explain the smell, the body temperature, the problem phasing, wouldn't it?" Sam didn't answer her, she sneered and stomped her foot like a child. "Wouldn't it?"

"We don't know what to think of it," he said quickly. "It might not mean anything. It may just be something you live with for a while until your body knows how to actually expel them. Sometimes even the wolf gene isn't enough to do things on it's own - Jacob had to have all his bones rebroken before they would heal straight, they didn't just heal in the right position..."

"I'm still going to die." She said slowly, closing her eyes as she tried to let it sink in. "After all of this...I'm still going to die."

"We don't know that." Sam said quickly. Her body shook evermore violently.

"But I do. I know because I feel it. Like I feel the imprint. Like I feel the need to phase." She spun around in a circle trying to catch a scent on the wind. "Where's Jake? I want Jake!"

"Jacob's on patrol - Esa, you have to calm down. If you keep getting upset like this you're going to phase, even before he can come find you."

"But that's what I want," she said through gritted teeth. "He finds me faster then. I want him now_. _Right _now._"

"You just said that you didn't know what you want." Sam said pointedly. Esa-Rosa crossed her arms over her chest bitterly, pouting her lips a little more than she usually would. She looked away, trying to figure out how right he was - did she or did she not know what she wanted?

Now that she had two men who loved her and she loved both of them, what did she want out of this new life that she was actually given time to live?

"I want to tell Braden."

"No." The voice was full of baritone thanks to the Alpha command behind it. It made Tessa shake a bit from the force it threw at her, but when she realized what it meant her expression grew to one of outrage.

"Why not?"

"If he got upset with you he could expose us all, just because you feel guilty. We can't let that happen, Tessie. You _cannot _tell Braden." Sam sighed. "I'm sorry - I know you want to. I remember the need, but you can't. People who aren't imprints or wolves themselves don't understand. It's fantasy to them and that scares people."

"It scares me," she shrugged as if it were simple. She tried to hold onto Emily's words about how he would understand that she didn't need him that he would understand something was more important - but he was important. He was what she needed. "But I've gotten used to it. Braden will too - Braden loves me, he'll understand."

"Braden will never understand, Tessie." Sam shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Yes he will! Braden's always believed in fantasy and fiction and reading an-"

"He will never understand that you can _never _love him again." Sam said firmly. Esa found that she stopped breathing for a second, blinking while the statement sunk in through her pores, like some sort of toxin. The look of pain on her face seemed to tell Sam that she was listening, so he continued. "We're keeping you away from him because of the pain it will bring. The minute you see him, Tessie, you're going to realize that you do not love him anymore. You love the idea of him - the _memory _of him. That's it."

"You're lying." She hissed, her fists clenching.

"No. And you know it. You know it and that's why you haven't been fighting to get to him." Sam assured her. Her jaw clenched against the pins and needles through it, the beginning of the tremors.

"Yes, I have-"

"No, you haven't. Everytime we've even caught that feeling Jake has been sure to make an appearance and you completely forget. You know why? Because you love _him_."

"That doesn't mean I can't love Braden, too!" She argued, getting ready to throw the Leah card, even if it was a low blow. She couldn't take this much and he knew it - was he trying to make her phase? Was this all some sort of twisted test to see how much she could take?

Whatever it was called, it was actually just cruel.

"You will never love him the same way." Sam argued in a slow, sympathetic tone. "Admit it to yourself, Tessie. Things will get easier when you let yourself love Jake."

"I can't love Jacob when I love Braden," she whispered more to herself than to Sam, but he was quick to answer her.

"Exactly...and you already know that you love Jake."

Tessa tried not to think about it, about the pain that she was causing herself and the pain that she was going to cause all the others when she was about to turn in however many seconds she could hold off the tremors traveling through every one of her nerve endings. But the more she thought about it the more it felt inevitable, the more she realized that this pain was going to be her life now.

Though everyone had tried to make her avoid it today, yesterday, the last however many days since she had last seen her boyfriend, the love of her _old _life, Esa found that she couldn't control herself. She wouldn't have been surprising anyone as she burst into a painful twist of bones and white fluff, exploding into something much larger to accommodate each of her chaotic emotions.

Life was simpler as a wolf because everything made sense. Everyone helped her whether they wanted to or not, everyone supported her and if they didn't she could always know why. There were no secrets and there was no fear, only honesty and the sympathy that she didn't realize was so important to her until she realized that breaking hearts could be just as painful to the one holding the chisel, as the one with their ribs cracked. This form let her know what she wanted and what was best.

And right now, both those things were Jacob Black. But she didn't need to think it since he was in front of her with sympathetic eyes before she even got the chance to run.

**Awww, poor Esa, the girl just can't catch a break. I think I might be an evil author, the things I put my characters through - dying brothers, muteness, memory loss, barrenness, love triangles, leukemia...I think I'm a bit sadistic. **

**Anyway, here's to my wonderful reviewers!**

_SasuTenLuvr_**: As soon as I make something go right in Jake's love life, I automatically screw it up, haha. I feel so bad for my characters, looking back on everything I'm putting them through. But it will be worth it, promise :) and yes, Jake was thinking some pretty pervy thoughts with the "I don't want Jake to see me naked yet!" - "...yet..." but can you blame him? He's a boy :P **_Forgetting Franki _**bashes Bella right, left, center, backward, and straight so if you like Bella-bashing that is the story for you. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

_toxic petals_**: I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, but hopefully this chapter can help you get back into it again :) There will be lots more funniness from Paul as soon as I get the whole "leukemia" thing in the light, so look out for it! Hope you enjoyed and thank you, as always, for the review!**

_Angel of the Night Watchers_**: Draco is the best bad boy ever, hence** **why I am so ridculously in love with him. Between he, Damon Salvatore, Jacob Black, and the Weasley twins I'm pretty sure I could live life happily if they were the only people I ever saw again. Snape is my favourite, but I can't think of him in a "your sexy" way because I have so much of a more fatherly respect for him - that would just be awkward for me, personally. He's still fantastic though, one of my all time favourite characters. And noble characters are great - when they don't **_**have **_**to be noble but do it anyway, such as the ones I listed (save the Weasleys as they always are). Thank you for your quick work and resending this little bugger three seperate times until it worked, you're fantastic! **

_RealLifeWolfGirl_**: Yeah, there's no way that this can't end messily and to be honest, I am still really torn over how I can end this. It's one of those things where I want everyone to be happy, but I want it to be as realistic as it can be (for a fantasy spin-off) and the fact is if this situation WERE true, that's not how it would happen. It's one of the reasons I hated Breaking Dawn, it was too perfect. Anyway, hopefully you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for waiting and your review :)**

_Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967_**: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it and I really hope that you liked this one too. Sorry for the wait and thanks for your review!**

_Vamp Junkie_**: I'm glad that you've started reading my other stories now. Hopefully you like them all - and don't worry, I'm really lazy too so I would never hold that against you :) thanks for your review and I hope you liked the triple update this week!**

**Anyway, I hope everyone liked it, reviewers or not, but I would really appreciate it if you all **_REVIEW_ **just because you all know how much I love it. Hopefully exams are/have been going well for everyone!**

**-Egypt**


	16. Paranoia

**Hello readers! So, it's been a while since I've updated this one because I've been so preoccupied with my other stories, but I'm hoping that the writers block will end for this one soon. I know where I want to go with it, but I just don't have the drive like I used to for it - but I'm going to try and work through it since I know you enjoy this one. **

**So you all know, I've updated five chapters in total today - one **_Sickening _**chapter, one **_Nightfall _**chapter, one **_Forgetting Franki _**chapter and two **_Green Eyed Monster _**chapters which is a new ****Harry Potter ****story. If you like Harry Potter you should check it out, the main character is pretty witty.**

**Anyway, thank you as always to **_Angel of the Nightwatchers _**for being an amazing Beta and editing this very confusing chapter - you're amazing!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Braden knew that his girlfriend was dead. Alright, Braden _dreaded _that his girlfriend, his beautiful Esa-Rosa, had been dragged into the woods and slaughtered by the group of boys who brought her here. She'd been hacked up, her pieces have been scattered in the ocean, and Jacob fucking Black has taken something to remember her by - like teeth or hair or eyelashes like any deranged girlfriend murderer would.

And just why did Braden think his girlfriend had been murdered?

Because it had been over a week since he had seen her. His _dying _girlfriend, who was not even supposed to be let out of the hospital, had now been missing for ten days straight. He had heard no word from her, not a whisper and certainly not a sign that she was breathing. It was July 9th and Charlie was busy helping organize Bella and Edward's engagement party - not that he really had much to do with it from what Braden had heard, but he had at least been spending time there to look supportive. This left him clocking in so many extra hours at the office that Braden was forced to keep thinking, having no distraction from the thoughts of what could have happened to his poor Esa-Rosa and the severe urges he felt to punch the few people who would sneak into Paul's house to grab things.

But never Esa.

Not even Paul.

And most definitely not Jacob.

This was all _his _fault. Braden don't know how or why and he don't know what Jacob Back had done, but _he _was the entire reason that Esa was not by his side at that very moment. And who knew what the real reason for that was? Maybe Esa really _had _died and there was some reason that the guys didn't want to tell him. Maybe she was in a hospital and people didn't want to tell him that he'd been right all along. Maybe they were too afraid that he would take her back to Canada so they were holding her hostage somewhere that he couldn't get to her. Or, and Braden couldn't decide if this was worse, his Esa had really run away with Jake and the boys were just covering their tracks - giving them enough time to get away. That was probably Braden's deepest worry of all, even if it didn't really make sense. He knew his real fear should be that Esa was laying in a ditch somewhere or that she was sick and not getting the proper care - but for some reason, the thought of her with Jacob Black was even more sickening_. _

Maybe it was because Braden had always understood that Esa would probably die, maybe it was all those years of preparation of losing her. But he had never counted on her just disappearing away from him, going who knows where with who knows who and without a word or a scent for the hounds to follow. His Esa-Rosa was gone without a trace and he didn't know where to begin looking.

Had she died, he had always expected a funeral: final words, a final viewing, the flat ring of the hospital machines, being with her and holding her hand through the end - but now it was as if she disappeared in a puff of smoke and he was left wondering if it was a magic trick, or if it was all an illusion. Was it all just an illusion? Had Esa ever really been there at all, or had Braden just been fooling himself the entire time? Where had his Esa gone?

It was with that worry that Braden was driven to the extremes he was pursuing now. He had taken a day off and his first order of business had been to sleep in and wait, hoping to see or hear or find someone coming into the house for something - then to interrogate them ruthlessly. But no one had come. He'd ordered in food, too afraid to leave in case that's what they'd been waiting for him to do. He'd watched some TV, but couldn't tell you one line from any of the programs he'd sat through - all of his senses had been finely tuned to see if he could hear anyone trying to sneak in while he was preoccupied.

And now, at eleven o'clock at night, after he realized that no one was coming and no one would give him the answers he needed, he'd decided he'd had enough. If there was one person who could solve this mystery he knew that it would be Henry. And if Henry couldn't solve the mystery, he could at least solve the problem.

"Hello, who is this?" A groggy voice answered from the other side of the phone. As much as Braden hated having these conversations with the intimidating man, he couldn't deny that he was relieved to hear Mr Scillings low, harsh tones.

"It's me, Mr Scillings - Braden."

"Braden! Good to hear from you, you need to be checking in more often, son. You know how much I'm worrying about my baby girl. How is she?" He asked, trying to keep his voice light. Braden knew he was anything than calm, though and as much as he dreaded the question, he knew that he had to answer truthfully. As he prepared himself for what he was about to tell his girlfriend's slightly estranged father, he realized that he hadn't answered fast enough because Henry spoke again.

"What's wrong? How is she?" His voice was more harsh now, more urgent. He was trying to make himself sound more stern so that when he received whatever bad news he was expecting, he would still be strong for Crystal, who was probably listening in over his shoulder. Braden shook his head.

"I don't...I don't know, sir."

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?" His voice had an edge to it which Braden had only heard once, but had heard about often from Esa. It was the tone that scared her when he spoke to her doctors.

"I mean that Esa has been missing for a week. She's gone off with the boys of the rez and has completely disappeared, I haven't heard a thing from her."

Henry could be heard guffawing on the other end of the line, obviously too beside himself to make sense of what Braden had told him. He could hear Crystal in the background, trying to listen in to the conversation just like he knew she would, but Henry was too upset to humour her and let her know what he'd found out.

"Why hasn't Marla got that spoiled brat on a leash?" He growled out angrily.

"Marla?" He choked out, completely having forgotten that he still had to explain _that _little scenario for him - that he had not even met his girlfriend's mother who was supposed to be taking care of her, that Marla had not been around like Esa had made Braden promise he would pretend. "On a leash, sir?"

"Yes, _Paul_. Our wreckless little _shit _that always does things like this-"

"Paul?" Braden knew he must have sounded dumb, the way he was stumbling over all his words and how he was unable to finish any of his thoughts, but he couldn't help himself. There was so much that Esa had kept from Henry that he didn't know what the man did or did not know, and even then the regret over betraying her like this was already beginning to settle in.

"Yes, _Paul_. Why is Marla letting him get away wi-"

"Marla's not here." He blurted quickly, hoping that would be the end of it.

"Well, where is she?" Crystal hissed, she seemed to have picked up another phone in the house and was intently listening into what was now a three way conversation. Braden couldn't help but feel a bit of contempt for the woman with the nasal voice, as that was all he had ever heard from Esa. Her hatred for the 'fake', as she had called her. He knew very well that Crystal had never been kind to Esa, constantly telling Henry to let her go and not worry, that the doctors would handle it. That he didn't need to be there because there was nothing he could do - she didn't constantly need her family there. It may have been true, but the woman had no right to dabble in those family affairs. Braden had decided long ago that Crystal would never be good in his books because of it.

"Where is she?" Henry agreed, asking it more seriously. Braden felt a lot more inclined to answer him, as the conversation wasn't supposed to include _her _anyway.

"Seattle, I think? She moved there with her boyfriend, Greg..."

"How long ago was this?"

"Who knows?" Braden realized he was making everything into a question and rolled his eyes at himself, could he sound any less manly?

"What do you mean, 'who knows'? When did you last see her?"

"I haven't seen her, sir." Braden said quietly. "She hasn't been here at all."

"Marla di-" Henry cut himself off before letting out an angry shout that Crystal scorned him for. "Paul lied to me. He lied to Esa and me and everyone else. How dare that little-"

"Please, Mr Scillings, I'm just worried about Esa." Braden said quickly, not wanting the man to get on a tangent. He was very like his children in that way, though he was sure that the three of them didn't know they shared the similarity.

"Right," he grumbled, trying to calm himself down for the rest of the conversation to continue. "Esa. Do you know how her health is?"

"Well...no." Braden admitted quietly.

"Have you heard where she's staying?"

"No." Braden could feel his face heating up, apparently they hadn't realized that when he'd said he didn't know anything and that she'd gone missing, he'd really meant that she was _missing._

"Well, then who is she staying _with_?" Crystal asked haughtily.

"I don't know."

"What _do _you know, you worthless little boy?" Henry bellowed. "You don't know where my ex-wife is, you don't know where my daughter is, you don't know who she is with - what the hell are you good for? The only reason I let you do this was because you said you loved her and you'd keep her under close watch - clearly both of those things were a lie!"

Braden's jaw tightened, his pride was a little more sore than it should have been from those comments but at the same time he knew that it was the only way he would get Mr Scillings to do anything about this Jacob-problem. Once he realized the seriousness of the situation he would understand that something needed to be done about the hellion and he would point Braden in the right direction.

"I'm just trying to get Esa back to where she should be, Mr Scillings. I just want to know th-" but Braden couldn't finish his sentence, because as soon as he tried the phone was ripped out of his hands.

Braden's eyes flicked towards the sound of cracking plastic and he watched with wide eyes as the phone squished like putty in a large, dark hand. The hand was shaking, his jaw was tight and his gaze was like nothing Braden had ever seen. In fact, his entire body was tight and shaking with a viciousness that made him take a good three steps away from where he had been standing.

Braden had always thought he'd seen the worst of Jacob Black. He now realized that he had been very, very wrong.

"You broke the phone." If only he had thought of something better, he thought bitterly. Something that didn't make him seem as terrified as he was. He jumped as Jacob whipped the crushed phone at the wall, breaking it into even smaller pieces as it shattered against the drywall.

"You broke her trust."

"Why do you care? It's not like she'll know - she hasn't been here." Braden was proud that he had gotten some of his bitterness and backbone back to him, now that the shock of Jacob's entrance had gone. He wasn't scared of this asshole - or at least, he wouldn't show that he was. Jake was just a literal giant bully who wanted nothing more than to ruin his life by taking everything that held any meaning to him.

To Braden, that was something worth standing up for.

"She'll know. I'll make sure of it. And if you _ever _call him again, I wi-"

"Will what? Kill me, scare me off, maybe even hurt me? I don't know where Esa is, but I know that she would hate you for it." Braden threatened, seething with anger. There was no denying that Jacob would know he was right - Esa would hate him. Even if Esa started to actually fall for the asshole, Esa would never want anything bad to happen to Braden and when she saw what Jake was planning to do to him. She'd jump in to save the day and Braden would whisk her away to where Jacob Black would never reach them again.

He welcomed the threat.

Jacob leaned in close, so close that Braden moved backwards a step, his little fantasy forgotten. "I don't need to hurt you to scare you off, Braden. And if you _think _about taking my Tessie from me, I will _ruin _you."

"_Your _Tessie?" Braden guffawed, suddenly realizing that the connection between his girlfriend and this monster may have been worse than he first imagined. "You're worth less than the dirt on her shoes."

"She doesn't think about you anymore, Braden, did you know that? The only thing she ever thinks about concerning you is what she's going to say to make you go away once she realizes she doesn't want you around - and just think about how she'll feel when I say you're trying to rip her away from her family, again_._"

"From _you_, you mean." He hissed, his murky blue eyes narrowed so angrily he could barely see his enemy through them.

"I mean _with you_." Jake elaborated, looking quite smug. "She won't go with you. She'll never want to leave here again, you lost your chance, Braden. She's gone."

Braden felt his heart pick up. It was a threat that he hadn't expected to hear. As much as he made it sound like Esa would not want to be with him anymore, all Braden could think of was that Esa _couldn't _be with him anymore. He knew it. She was dead in a ditch somewhere, or she was alone in some dank basement, screaming to be let out and back into his arms - but Jacob Black would kill her before that ever happened. Braden felt sick from the images.

"Where's Esa? I want to talk to her, now."

"You can't right now, she's not near a phone." Jake said simply, crossing his arms over his chest. The images smacked Braden across the face again - a basement, a ditch, a hollow grave that hadn't been filled in properly - those were all places she couldn't reach a phone, weren't they?

"Have you kidnapped her? Have you taken her to some secret lair and tried to brainwash her - what the fuck have you done with my girlfriend?" Braden roared, unable to fight off the panic that had dug into his bones. He didn't like the smirk the monster in front of him was wearing and he didn't like the way he rolled his eyes.

"I've obviously kept her safe, idiot. Not that you'd know what any of that means."

"You don't think I know what that means?" He hissed. "I've been with her through everything from the beginning. Don't get self-righteous with me!"

"I don't need to get self-righteous. I know that you will not get Esa-Rosa Scillings." Jacob said with a smile. "I'd feel sorry for you if you weren't so hell-bent on taking her away from where she wants to be. Braden, listen to me closely - you won't get her."

"That doesn't mean that _you _will." Braden hissed back, taking a few steps forward. He wasn't that much shorter than Jacob, maybe just two or three inches, but his anger made him feel like he was two feet taller. He felt like he was looking down at a tadpole in a river - something that he could crush in his fingers if he tried hard enough.

"I will, Braden." Jake whispered menacingly, baring his teeth as if he were ready to eat the boy alive. "That's why you're running scared to Daddy."

"Jacob, what are you doing?" A third voice asked from outside the yard. Braden had to look to be able to recognize whoever it was - it had been so long since he had seen or heard Paul he didn't recognize his voice and it took him a moment to know who it was since all the boys walked around like some sort of cult - identically put together. Paul watched them through the window, suddenly very nervous.

"I want to see Esa. Now." Braden said to him through the dirty window, realizing that Paul probably couldn't hear him he walked toward the window to open it and shout again. As he began to walk his feet dragged underneath him as he was pulled away from Paul when he felt his shirt being tugged in a different direction - Jake had grabbed hold and was holding him so that he could make his threat real.

"If you _ever _pull a stunt like calling her Dad again, I can assure you she will never want to see you again. Not when you're ripping her away from what she loves." Jacob said lethally, glaring so darkly that the point was driven across quickly.

"She doesn't love _you_." Braden sneered, taking his hand and ripping himself away from Jake - his shirt ripped in the process, it was the only way he could manage to wriggle out of his grip. "And if I don't talk to her in the next five minutes, I will call Charlie and report her missing."

Jake laughed, it was a strange sound considering how dark and menacing he had been for the entire conversation. "You think that scares me, really?"

"I think it should." Braden said back, trying to keep his dignity even with his pounding heartbeat and his ripped shirt. How was it that Jake could keep his cool so quickly after being so mad? Jake seemed to think about the threat for a minute, still not looking too scared like Braden had felt during his, before he looked towards the window - not bothering to open it.

"Paul, get Tessie on the phone."

"No, I want to see her." Braden said quickly, Jake shook his head.

"Well, you can't." He said simply. "Get her on the phone, Braden _insists_."

"Uh, are you sure?" Paul asked doubtfully, looking up at the two of them nervously. "I'm not going to just-"

"It will be fine." Jake said with an air of confidence that made Braden want to punch him. "He wants to make sure we didn't kidnap Esa, you know before he calls your Dad again-"

"He _what_?" Paul asked, his voice dropping angrily.

"You heard." Jake didn't look smug, but rather seemed to just accuse Braden without even looking at him while Paul let out some sort of string of curses before he ran into the woods. Was she in the woods? How close was she to the house now? Jake smiled down at Braden - it was a nice smile even though it was riddled with frustration. "He'll be back soon."

"With Esa?" He asked, his chest swelling with hope.

"No. Tessie will be on the phone." Jake spoke slowly, as if he were a small child, but Braden shook his head in annoyance.

"Don't call her that."

"Don't call her what?" Jacob sighed, rolling his eyes as he took a step away from Braden, hopefully that would make him less likely to hurt Braden when he started getting protective again. But Braden couldn't help it, this was his _girlfriend _who was being held from him and this asshole had no right to her. Not after everything they had been through together.

"Tessie," Braden sneered out the name. It no longer felt like a cute nickname, it felt like her name from _him. _And anything that was from Jacob Black was not alright by him.

"Why not?" He smiled, as if he was amused by Braden's anger.

"Because it's too..." What was it? Too personal, too private, too possessive? It wasn't who Esa was anymore. It wasn't her name, not if it was used by him. Her name was Esa-Rosa, even if she hated it. She wasn't supposed to be called Tessie as if it were what she was born with. "It's not her name."

"She changed her name to Tessa when she turned 18, remember?" Ah, so he listened to when she spoke, apparently he was in it for more than the 'dying girl gets sympathy' aspect.

"Of course I remember! I was _there_." Braden said indignantly. "You haven't been there when she was going through anything."

"I was there when she was going through _everything_." Jacob said simply. He didn't smile or try to sound arrogant about it, he said it as if it was a fact. This made Braden scoff - everything being what? Her kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome, the shovel to the back of her head? "And she'll remember it forever, now that she's getting better."

"I'll be the judge of that myself whenever you let her come home." Braden said with a glare, though he leaned back as Jacob leaned forward. He didn't like how much this guy constantly looked like he wanted to rip him to shreds. He also didn't like how easily he made it look like it could happen.

"The only thing holding her back is you, Brae." Jacob hissed. "As soon as you leave, she can start being normal again."

Esa would never be normal. She had no time to be. Esa would die first. Braden felt his anger rise as he took another step towards Jacob.

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck _you_."

Right as Braden was about to chance throwing a swing at the giant asshole, the phone began to ring. As much as he didn't want to stop their staring war, he was distracted by the thought that there was no phone in this room now that it had also been destroyed and he needed to answer it. Forgetting about Jacob, he ran into the living room and picked up the nearest phone on the third ring. He barely noticed that Jake had already slowly turned to watch the conversation.

"Hello?"

"Braden? Braden is that you?"

It was her voice. That was Esa's voice. How close must she be that Paul had been able to run to her so quickly? How was she doing - she sounded fine. Maybe a bit parched, but otherwise her voice sounded as light and melodic as it normally did. He couldn't believe how much he missed the sound of it. His Esa was alive and he was finally speaking to her.

"Esa! Oh my God, Esa, I thought you were dead!"

"I'm not dead, hasn't anyone been telling you that I'm just away for a bit?" She asked, sounding genuinely surprised that he was so nervous for her. What had they been telling her wherever she was? Had they been brainwashing her, trying to convince her that he wasn't worried or that he didn't care where she was? They were wrong.

"No. No one has been telling me anything. Why haven't _you _been telling me?" He turned away from Jake in what he knew was a feeble attempt to make the conversation more private. "I'm your boyfriend, why can't I see you? Where are you, Esa?"

"I-" Braden heard someone hiss something at her in the background. Maybe he was right - maybe she was being held against her will. Who was with her, still Paul? Why would he be hissing something that he wasn't allowed to hear? "I can't tell you, Brae. But I'm okay, I really am. I miss you."

"Then come see me." He urged, trying and failing to keep the desperation from coating his words. He heard her groan, as if it hurt her to hear this.

"I can't..." she choked out, she sounded like she was trying not to cry while he could hear her. "I'm sorry Brae, but I can't see you right now."

"Why not?" He demanded, not even feeling bad that he had raised his voice to her and heard her let out a sniffle from it. Good, he hoped she hurt - he hoped that she was realizing the pain that she was causing him.

"I can't tell you."

Why did she sound so automated? Why was it that she couldn't answer any of his questions or say anything that she needed to say so that he could come get her? Who was on the other line with her, who was trying to keep her from him if Jacob was here? It couldn't be possible that all those boys were in on it, cult-like or not, could it?

"Why can you be with _them _but not with me? Where are you Esa?"

"I can't tell you. Braden, I'm okay, I really am. And I-I love you." It sounded forced, as if she wasn't supposed to say it around whatever was holding her back from giving all her answers, but it was okay. The words themselves were comforting and he felt himself let out a shaky breath of air as if the tension from his body was uncoiling. She still loved him - there was a chance that whatever brainwashing Jake had done wasn't working yet. He just had to get to her faster to ensure that no more would go on.

"I love you, too." He said lowly, reveling in the feeling of saying it to one another again, as if nothing had happened. How he _wished _nothing had happened. "I wanted to ask you on a date with me."

"A date?"

"Well, the last one wasn't that great..." he sighed, remembering how upset she had been when she'd left him alone to go down to the beach with her brother. How much time she had spent with Jacob after it, how much the date had been ruined. He couldn't even remember what he had said anymore - all he knew was that he regretted it had been their last one. Had he known that he would not see her for so long like now, he would never have screwed it up that badly. He would have kept his mouth shut.

"Tell Jake to stop laughing," Esa's voice growled after in a way that made him adjust the phone on his shoulder. That was strange, the sound he heard surely couldn't have come from his Esa, it was bestial and something that shouldn't have come from someone so delicate as she was. He looked over his shoulder to Jake, who was surprisingly chuckling like Esa had said he would be. Braden tried killing him with a glare.

"She says stop laughing."

"Yeah, I know." Jake chuckled, not even trying to hide his pleasure that the conversation between a boyfriend and his girlfriend had somehow turned over to be about him.

"Brae, I can't stay on the phone long..." Esa trailed off her sentence, sounding like she was whispering to someone that was near her. Braden shook his head, not ready for this yet. It was like a nightmare - nightmares he had been plagued with for longer than this stupid scenario had been happening - where she was ripped from his arms. Braden knew that he wasn't as ready for Esa to disappear, by cancer or anything else, as he thought he was.

"Why not? Esa, come back to the house. I need to make sure you're okay."

"I can't." She moaned, sniffling right after. "But I promise I will see you soon."

"How soon?"

"She can't promise that." Jake chimed in, as if he could her the entire conversation perfectly. Braden did not try to hide his distaste even while Esa was on the other line.

"What the fuck does this have to do with you?"

"I can see you soon, Braden." She said quietly, trying to get his attention back to her. "Don't listen to him. I'll make it work. I'll try really, really hard."

"On that date." He said firmly. No was not an option, now. "This Saturday, Bella and Edward are having a party for their engagement. You're my date."

That sound, the sound that Braden's mind couldn't register came from behind him. Braden took a glance to see that Jacob was looking more livid than normal. He smiled.

"Bella and Edward? Brae, I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Why not? Esa, you've been missing for _ten days._ I need to see you, you need to do this for me." Guilt was the only way he would get his way - but he didn't feel bad about it. If he had to bring up everything mean she'd ever said to him, every disappointment or hurtful thing that had ever happened, he would. He would do anything to see her, like a man who hadn't eaten for a week would do anything for food.

"Braden, I can't be around them. It's d-" she cut herself off. "It's a really bad idea."

"Esa, please. I love you, I want to see you. I _need _to see you..." There was a long pause, where he could tell she was thinking about it. Over the phone he could hear someone hissing at her, telling her things like that she shouldn't go. He could hear her humming her frustration and he even heard her give up and sigh.

"I won't be there for long. But I'll show up. It can't be our date - I'll be there for a few minutes."

"But I'll see you?" He tried to reassure himself, she sighed.

"Hopefully not too much of me..."

"What does that mean?"

"You'll see me." She promised quickly. Braden heard an angry voice at the other end of and heard Esa hiss something back to it before she let out a sniffle. "Brae, I-I have to go..."

"No, Esa, stay on the phone with me. Please-"

"I love you Braden. I love you more than you know." She said shakily, sounding like she was about ready to burst into tears.

"I love you too, Esa, but-"

But she had already hung up the phone.

Braden looked at the phone for a moment, listening to the dial tone that sounded like the monitors he had always feared, giving him time to take everything in. So he was finally going to see Esa, in just four days. It would be in four days that he would get to see his girlfriend who had been missing and who was in who knew what condition - what did he expect to see? Would she be hurt or would she keep looking better like she had the day he had seen her eating? Would she be okay or would she be completely intimidated? Would she even show up - she didn't seem to want to actually come and Paul - who he assumed was the other voice - didn't seem to want her to come either.

Maybe he could convince her to come and leave with him, go back to Canada where they belonged, back to free healthcare and people who wanted the best for her. Or maybe he would get lucky and at least be able to get her to a doctor who actually cared about how much time she had left.

Braden put the phone down and looked at Jacob, who looked much more than angry again. He was shaking like his skin was trying to separate from his steroid muscles and his overdone beauty regimen - Braden hated him. Braden hated him and Braden had won the girl...again. He couldn't help the smirk that crawled up his face, seeing the anger that was displayed on the boy who thought so much of himself.

"Guess I'll be seeing you on Saturday." Braden said with a smile. "Too bad Esa will be on my arm as my date."

Braden gave a melodramatic shrug before he started to go up the stairs, ready to go to bed and dream about all the terrible things he and Esa would do to Jacob once he got the truth from her and she realized how badly she wanted to be with him again.

"Oh, and Jake." Braden stopped before he was all the way up the stairs. He couldn't tell if he was looking at him, but somehow he knew that the boy was listening.

"If I find out that you have been keeping _my girlfriend _from me in any way, your threats to hurt me won't matter. Not when you're dead."

With that, Braden finished his ascent up the stairs and left Jacob to boil downstairs about everything that had happened while he as he went upstairs and slammed the door to Esa-Rosa's room. It was done. Four days and this hell-mess would be over, even if it meant kidnapping his own girlfriend to take her home, where she belonged. She would hate him until she realized that it was for her own good.

She would love him in the end, she would love him like he loved her.

Braden couldn't help himself as he buried his face into her pillow, it was as if she had slept here just last night - which was a lie, because he had slept alone in this bed every day for the past nine days. Like every night, he breathed deeply, closing his eyes and letting the illusion of her presence lull him to sleep.

* * *

**Well, what did you guys think? Did you like it? It was kind of hard to write, getting into the mindset of his paranoia when I know exactly what's actually happening to her. It was also hard writing Jacob as such a bad guy in his eyes when I'm pretty much smitten with the man, oh well.**

**Special thank you's go out to my wonderful reviewers:**

_Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967_**: I'm glad you liked it and also am glad that you reviewed! Thank you!**

_ForeverTeamEdward13_**: I feel extra bad for Braden after this chapter, but I totally agree. They're in a really unfortunate situation! I hope you liked this chapter, thank you for reviewing!**

_Angel of the Night Watchers_**: My one friend once made me play 'Kill, Fuck, Marry' with Draco, Damon, and Jacob and I'm pretty sure I almost had a heart attack having to make that decision. It was terrible - it took me literally three minutes because I couldn't decide who to kill, though I was very quick to make sure that Draco was the one I married. But then I did one with 'Fred, George, and Draco' and ended up killing Draco because separating the twins is just cruel...how strange...**

_RealLifeWolfGirl_**: Yeah, Esa's in a really complicated position because she doesn't know what's going on with her. I feel bad for her every time I write her, but I'm trying not to make her into too much of a Mary-Sue because of it. It's a little difficult because I know she's really close if not jumping over the line every now and again. Hope you liked this chapter, thank you for your review :)**

_aragornsgirll_**: Wow, thank you! There are much better writers on this site, but I'm glad you like this story so much. Esa is definitely a complicated character and Paul and her dynamic is fun to write - next chapter will be full of it :) I hope you liked this chapter as well, thank you for reading!**

**Hope you liked it, everyone! Reviews are inspiration, so please **_review!_

**-Egypt**


	17. Fight for You

**Well, it has been quite the wait for this, hasn't it? I'm so sorry that this always takes longer to update. It's a much harder story for me to write. I know exactly what I want to happen, all the very important plot points between Braden and Tessie, Tessie and Jacob, Jacob and Braden and most importantly Tessie and her Leukemia, but for some reason these are the hardest to write! **

**I'm so sorry for the lack of updating, but I swear I am not leaving this story. It may take longer, but it will continue. Thank you so much to **_Angel of the Night Watchers _**for her amazing beta and warrior skills to continually fight DocX this week and a bit so we could get out this chapter. Thank you to **_indigofrisbee_ **who wrote me such a heartfelt PM that I forced myself onto my couch and wrote out this chapter. And again, thank you to all those who are sticking through this writers block. You're amazing!**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

"You're not going!" Paul screamed, like he had been doing for the past five minutes. Esa could feel that she was red in the face while she screamed right back the twenty feet across the clearing at her stupid big brother.

"You can't stop me!"

"Esa-Rosa, do you even realize what you promised?" He hissed, taking a step forward to emphasize the point. She had to clench her hands into fists, knowing that Rachel was not in a safe place for her to phase and attack the girl's boyfriend. "Brae is going to be in a house full of bloodsucking _leeches _who literally smell like they're going to drown you in cleaning supplies - those are toxic, you know!"

"I can't _not _go now that I've said I would, Braden will tell Chief Swan that I've been kidnapped and what is he going to find? Us."

"He already knows about us," Jake reminded, in between both of them but a few feet to the side as if he knew, eventually, they would be running at each other. He was trying to monitor the siblings, but he was doing a terrible job. He knew the only way out of this was for them to fight.

"Well, he'll tell everyone else!"

"That's what you want, isn't it? To tell that little fucker about us. Well you can't, it's forbidden! He's gone, Tessa!" Paul yelled ruthlessly, stomping for emphasis.

"Paul-" Rachel began, trying to calm down her fiancé was more of a hassle than the other imprints had, but something told her this time her efforts were in vain. She had never seen him ignore her like he was now - he wasn't usually able to. His body was shaking so terribly that it looked like he was blurring. It was a constant vibration that his little sister seemed to be copying, ignoring her imprint as well. But, she figured, blood was the strongest bond. And right now, his little sister was getting herself into a bad situation and that little sister was tired of being looked after.

"He's not _gone_!" She bellowed back, no tears were threatening her today. Today was a blind rage that not even Jake's hand on her shoulder could dissipate - even though he was too wise to try it. "Braden will be right there - right where I'll be."

"I'm not going to let you go."

"Let me?" She scoffed, her eyes flashing as if there was lightning behind them. "I am an adult. You can't just keep me here in the middle of the forest."

"Oh yes I can!"

And that was it. She felt her form vibrating so badly that her teeth were clicking together and she knew what was about to happen. She pulled back slightly before she could cause any damage to Jake or the trees around her. Even though she knew that Jake would heal quickly, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she caused him any pain. She looked at Paul with a glower that would have made him proud were he not so angry with her.

"Make me!" She bellowed before screaming as her skin ripped. She was still unused to the pain of the phase and she felt badly, knowing that it hurt Jake every time he heard or could feel the pain it caused her. Paul, however, seemed completely apathetic to it as he was quick to phase behind her, going towards her viciously.

"Paul!" Jake bellowed, terrified by the snap his jaws had made so close to his imprints throat. Neither of them answered and just as he went to take a step forward and intervene he felt a hand on his wrist, seeing Rachel had run to him.

"Don't," Rachel whispered. "They need this."

He listened, even if he didn't like watching his imprint fight Paul. Paul was a much more experienced wolf, but Esa seemed to be doing well against him. Whether it was because she was so much smaller and could wriggle out and move faster, or because she was motivated by a little bit more than pride, she was putting up a really good fight.

_He isn't one of us! _

_Then I'm not one of you! _Esa-Rosa's thoughts hissed back, going for Paul's leg again. It was hard fighting when they were like this and could sense each others next moves. He dodged her and went for the scruff of her neck, that piece of skin he knew wouldn't hurt her, but would make her submit to defeat. She sensed that coming and dodged - but not quite fast enough. His teeth caught her right ear and she whined as it split angrily, red covering her white coat dangerously.

"I swear to God, Paul..." Jake threatened, but neither one of the wolves responded to his unfinished threat. Paul knew he'd probably get hit a good few times for it anyway - he may as well get his point across while he still had the motivation.

_I love him, Paul._ Tessa hissed, sneering at him as she circled around. _Or do you even know what that means? _

Paul was amazed that she could even ask. _I love Rachel. I love you! _

_Since when? _She hissed, unable to stop thinking about all the time she had spent in the hospital and all the times he'd ignored her just because he didn't want to be near their father. They were bitter thoughts, more bitter than he expected. They were the type of thoughts she had tried to fight back for so long that now that they were angry with each other, it seemed like he was proving them right. He had never really cared for her at all, he had never wanted her there because then he wouldn't have had to babysit her like he was doing now. He whined accidentally, taking a few steps back.

_That's not what it was. _

_What was it? Fear? _She barked at him as she bent down in a crouch. She couldn't help but think that fear was no better, him being afraid of her or of seeing her as she had been. She could guarantee that as a child she had been much more scared of death, and she had still handled the situation better than he had.

_I don't want you to hate me for not being there. This isn't what we were arguing about. You were stupid and promised you'd be able to visit him in a house full of vampires! _

_I never said you had to be there! _

_Of course I have to be there, you're going to hurt someone! _Images flashed through his - and respectively her - mind of Emily's face and the injuries she had gotten thanks to Sam not being able to control himself well enough. The deep red gashes that would always look angry, the permanent frown, the sad and turned down eye that would forever make her look like she was in some hidden agony. He couldn't help but think how simple it was for it to happen, how quick she was to phase as it was but near all of them how she wouldn't be able to hold her form at all.

_I can for Braden. _

_What about for Jake, eh?_ He growled. There was a moment of dread that he felt while she looked back at her imprint. She and Jacob locked eyes and for a moment she forgot that she and Paul were fighting at all. It all turned blissful because of how happy she was just to have him here to support her. Admittedly, she also liked to see how worried he was, she felt for bad making him worry at all but she loved to see that he did worry. That he kept his distance and let her do what needed to be done, even if he was ready to jump out of his skin on his own accord. He was such a good boyfr-_imprint_. But the correction was too late and the grief started to sink in.

Paul took that moment and lunged forward, snapping at the scruff of her neck. He felt her fur in his mouth, a little of her blood that he tried to push away with his tongue. She tried wriggling only to realize that it hurt and he was quick to force her onto her belly.

_Stop fighting, I've won. You'll only make it worse. _

She laid down with a whine, not from the pain but from the fear in Jacob's eyes. She hated making him upset. Paul was willing to take whatever he could to make her listen and change her mind.

_See. Look what you're doing to him. _

_Get off me! _She scoffed, knowing that the reason he looked so scared was because Paul was so much bigger and Paul was hurting her. This had nothing to do with her choice.

_Not because of me, look at him, look how scared he is - that's because of you. _

_No, it's because you can't control your temper! _She hissed, her ears pressing against her head threateningly. She was angry, she was going to get him for this - he couldn't pin her down like dirt under his paw. _Get off of me before I make you get off of me. _

_Seth isn't as strong as I am, you little shit. _

_I - am not - LITTLE! _

With a snarl more fierce than the ones Paul had hissed, she used all her strength and pulled herself far away from his jaws. She whined as his teeth were tearing her skin but was already in a threatening crouch after she rolled over and was far enough away.

"Oh God, be careful, Tessie!" Jake hissed, his own body shaking angrily.

She tried not to let the emotion that was spilling over for Jake cloud her instincts again and instead watched Paul warily, too cautious to even glance a look at her imprint who she knew would not taking the confrontation well.

_You can ignore Braden a lot better than you're ignoring Jacob. _

_Shut up. _The growl that slipped from her throat was much more terrifying than the fear that was underlining all her thoughts.

_There's no point risking us all just because of someone you are going to realize you don't even want anymore! Don't you get it? You won't love him! _

_That's not true! _

But she couldn't stop the torrent of thoughts that came with the statement. How much she had grown attached to Jacob, how she feared he was right, and most importantly how she had realized the separation may have already begun.

Just hearing his voice on the phone had thrown her off. When had his voice become so bland? Had it always been so high and had he always had that nervous waver? What had happened to the sweet boy with the charming words who would read her to sleep when they were in hospital beds together? She had adored that voice. And that certainly wasn't what that voice had sounded like. That wasn't the voice she had fallen asleep to and dreamed of later. That wasn't the voice she imagined saying 'I do' and it wasn't the voice of the man she was in love with.

And with that realization came the guilt. It was the onset of that guilt which made Paul's aggressive stance melt, so he was crouching submissively. He didn't realize how painful the realization would be - the realization of how much pain this was causing his little sister. Tessie was in turmoil from all these realizations he was forcing her through - even if they were the things they all knew she had to learn. Tessie was determined, and terrified, with the knowledge that when she next saw Braden, she would be finding out whether or not she had fallen out of love with the rest of him just as she had found the blandness in his voice and the lack of her heart racing.

Paul tried to voice how much he felt sorry for her, how he had felt this pain through others before her and how of all people to go through with this, he had never wanted it to be her. Even though he couldn't find the words for it she answered him, just because of the form they were in that he didn't really need to know how.

_It's okay not to know. _He assured her, it was the most he could convince her in rational, human words rather than the strings of emotion he was sending.

_I've loved Braden for so long, Paul...I can't just let him go like that. Could you let me go, if I do end up dying, even though you know it might happen anyway? Could you just give up on me like you want me to give up on him? _

That opened up a whole new floodgate of pain that neither of them dealt with well. Paul whined and nuzzled his way over to Rachel, who pet him comfortingly, almost as if she knew what was going on between the two of them. Paul wasn't surprised that Tessie was trying to fight the urge to nuzzle up to Jake. She couldn't go up to the man that was confusing her just to admit that she didn't want to love him like this. So instead, all three of them watched as Esa-Rosa put her belly to the ground and lowered her ears and tail, showing how upset she was by rubbing her paws over her face best she could. Were she human it would have looked like she was rubbing away her tears, but Paul could tell she was trying to keep her head from all the painful thoughts he was plaguing her with. The pain and the fear and the images of his nightmares - of her dying.

Because his little sister was still dying.

How could it be that her cell count was still so low, or how could her energy be so up and down? She was _supposed _to be better. She was _supposed _to be healthy. She was _supposed _to be like everyone else.

She was _supposed _to be a _wolf_: warm and strong and healed.

But Esa-Rosa wasn't healed at all.

She wasn't so warm and she wasn't so strong. Her energy could just come and go, while the weakness that followed it was relentless. Her smell would one moment smell earthy, the next moment like campfire. As if she was something that was burning out, flickering away in the breeze...

_Stop! _she cried, letting out a mournful howl that echoed off the trees. She crawled forward a bit, whining on her belly again, before Jacob found the nerve to slowly creep closer to her. Were Paul not trying to push her towards Jacob so badly, he would have been disturbed by the longing he felt coming from his sister, begging Jake to come close to her and to touch her. To tell her that it would all be okay. By the loathing she felt that she was so accepting of this, that she did long for him so badly. It was enough to make anyone insane.

_Sorry_, she thought sadly. _I can't help it. _

_We're all made to be hot_, Paul joked back. She let out a snort that Jake took as confirmation she was feeling better and he walked up to her more confidently, bending down and taking her large face between his hands. He pet her lightly, placing a kiss on her damp nose and, embarrassingly enough, her tail started to wag.

_This thing can't control itself!_ she cursed at it.

_Now you know how the rest of the male population feels. _

Paul could feel the joy that rushed through his sister just as Jake held her face, as he whispered to her quietly, promising that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. He could feel her fear that he would try to keep that promise through all the possible situations, but even then she couldn't dwell too long. He made her feel comfortable, safe - and when he spoke so confidently, how could she have the heart to doubt him? She was calm and lethargic at the moment, the energy leaving her quickly. Paul could almost feel it slip away from him, as well.

_Can you phase back? _he asked her, waiting with a wolfy grin as she couldn't find the thoughts to respond right away. She was far too distracted by the patterns that Jacob was drawing in her fur. She assumed she would be able to, just because of how calm she was, but there was an automatic fear.

_I already feel cold and I lost my clothes. _

_Let's walk to Emily's. _

As she had instructed Jake many times, she pawed at the ground three times - their little signal that she wanted him to phase and join her. He went behind a tree - smart enough not to shred his clothes as the two Lahotes had - before coming back as a giant red wolf, towering over her with a wolfish grin. He went up to her quickly and they rubbed nuzzles excitedly. Jacob could feel the need she felt to take the thoughts that had been shared between she and Paul away.

_How is she so cold? _Paul asked himself, not understanding how she could be cold as a wolf - and trying himself to think as everyone else had in the past.

_Let's get you in a warm bed._ Jake offered, leaving Tessie to nod and trot forward excitedly. She couldn't help but think about cocooning herself inside of the large duvet in the room that had basically ended up reserved for her. She was excited to think of when she woke up how she could shower, how warm it would be.

And because of that, Jacob couldn't help but imagine it, either.

_No! No, no, no, you can't be so horny all the fucking time! _Paul thought, aghast. Originally, his sister hadn't even thought of it. She was just excited to be warm considering the shivers that she had already been holding back. Her fur was much shorter than theirs was and much softer, just like the hair that had grown back after her treatments.

But now that Jacob and Paul had thought about it, she couldn't stop her mind from picturing what would happen if Jacob were to come in the shower with her. She'd never done anything like that before, she'd never been allowed to, but now she wondered whether or not it was even possible. How warm he could make her...

_I'd make it possible. _Jacob couldn't help but think, then bashfully took a few steps away from her, as if distance would quell the thoughts now swimming through his mind.

_NO! _Paul screamed, not even ashamed to steer Rachel to a different part of the woods and shift into a human - not even considering whether or not he had clothing.

"I can't hear that. _Nope_. Won't hear that..._fuck_! No!" He shook his head. "Not _fuck_, I mean..._fuck_! I can't hear them start to fantasize and...damnit!"

Paul was all but crying as he punched the trunk of a tree, shaking it under the power of his left hook. His skin was crawling not with the urge to phase, but to tear away from his brain so he wouldn't have to keep feeling what they had just felt...

"Oh Paul," Rachel laughed, not feeling bad for him. That was her brother! Why wasn't she ever as upset or disturbed as he was? Because she didn't feel it, sure, but didn't just knowing what they were thinking disturb her enough?

"It's not funny," he moped. "Stop laughing."

"Sorry," she stopped laughing but couldn't hide her smile from him.

"Stop smiling," he ordered, even if he was a little bit dazed by how spectacular she looked when she did. She walked towards him, placing a hand on his chest - his heart was already racing.

"How about I just make you smile?"

And suddenly, all thoughts of Jake and his sister had completely slipped his mind...

"Emily?" Jake called out, as he finally ran into the house with a flushed face. He couldn't help but blush after the images that he and Esa had accidentally encouraged each other with while they were in wolf form. They were much more vivid than normal and he was almost embarrassed that she had seemed to want to put them into action nearly as much as he did.

The sooner he got her the clothing, the better.

"Yes?" Emily asked with a smile, walking out from the kitchen while she was drying a bowl with a thin towel.

"Where are some of Tessie's clothes? She and Paul got into a fight..."

"Is she okay?" Emily asked worriedly, putting the bowl down on the table as she rushed forward. Jake held his hands on her shoulders to stop her from running outside to check. It upset Tess to see people so worried over her.

"She's fine, Em. Just having a...uh, off day."

Emily frowned at this, looking at Jake knowingly. "Tired again?"

"And shivering," he admitted, trying to do it quietly enough that the sick girl wouldn't overhear them from her place in the treeline. Emily's face twisted for a moment, looking sad when she acknowledged what that meant.

"I-Is she going to be okay, Jake?"

"Get me the clothes, please." He responded tensely. She nodded, realizing quickly that he didn't want to talk about it either because he wasn't ready or because they would be overheard. Going through another room just off the living room, she came out with a dark tan sundress that was three tones lighter than Jake and three tones darker than Tess. He walked outside without another word and, upon seeing her beautiful white fur, threw the dress at her. She bit at it and was quick to change.

"You okay?" She asked, looking at him worriedly as she walked back out, the dress running a little crookedly across her bottom - she was really fitting in now that she had found no reason to care about it.

"Great," he smiled, trying to keep it as genuine as possible. She looked at him doubtfully but walked forward and took his hand anyway. He felt comforted by the fact that it seemed a little warmer than Emily's had been, though it was still cool in comparison to his own. He was not happy when he saw that her ear was still bleeding, it had yet to heal. Jake ignored it, distracting himself by the fact she was holding his hand. She'd taken to that and nuzzling as wolves, but he would always crave for more...even if her guilt would stop that from happening.

She walked in the door and smiled at Emily, waving her hand. "Good day?"

"Very. You seem good after a fight with your brother. Who started it this time?"

"Doesn't he always?" She laughed. "You don't mind if I just go straight to bed, do you? I'm not hungry, I just want to curl up."

Emily's eyes flickered to Jacob, though her smile remained in place. Her eyes barely held any emotion, but the fact she looked at all said what needed to be said. Esa-Rosa not being hungry was not normal.

"That's fine, sweetie. Do you want a cup of tea?" Chai tea always helped her sleep when she was upset, but she shook her head.

"I'm beat, Paul took a couple good snaps at me." Jake looked at her ear again, still looking very sore and swollen. Why had it not healed yet?

"Alright, sweet dreams. I'll wake you up for dinner."

"No, I'll be okay. I'll talk to you in the morning, I haven't been sleeping well lately." She assured her, pulling on Jake's hand and not noticing the look of horror that dawned on Emily's face. The look was not echoed on his, but the feeling was. That was not a good sign. Not at all.

Tessa pulled him up to the door of her room, quickly looking past his frame to see Emily still standing there. She looked for a moment, expressionless, before Emily got the hint and went back into the kitchen with warm cheeks.

"Jake?"

"Tessie?" He asked in the same tone, looking at her with a slight sadness. She whispered something that was so quiet he barely caught it. In fact, he knew he didn't catch it because of how unrealistic the

words were. "What was that?"

"Come to bed with me?" She asked a little more loudly, looking very embarrassed. "It's not for-for that. You know that I don't - that I can't -"

"Shh," he said quickly. "I know."

"Just-" she tried to find the proper term without seeming too forward. "Hug me?"

He smiled at her nervousness, almost wanting to laugh at her because of how nervous she looked while she was asking something he'd been fantasizing about since he first laid eyes on her. Could there really be a part of her that thought he would say no? Is that what that embarrassment was? Because there was no way it would happen. Ever.

"You don't have to-" she added quickly. He smiled at her, softly.

"I'd love to. Come on, I can see the goosebumps on your arms." And he planned to change that, even if it took a long time to warm her up.

But how much of this had to do with the phone call? He knew that she was having doubts about herself and her two separate relationships, and while they were coming back he could hear her disappointment. It was clear, in their thoughts, how she feared that her new lack of interest in Braden's voice was a sign that she would feel that way about him as an entity.

But Tessa couldn't make herself feel guilty about this. She couldn't because as Jacob leaned in close to her, too afraid to pull her toward him, she couldn't help but feel the love emanating off of him as if it were the heat she felt. Was this some sort of test? Some comparison between he and Braden?

She smiled at him, feeling his own conflict as she began curling into him. She put her hand on his cheek softly, just to feel the connection there - it was magnetic; electric and numbing all at once. He inhaled sharply at the contact.

"I wouldn't have asked you to be here if I just wanted someone here," she whispered, smiling lethargically. "I want you to be here with me. Don't doubt that."

And to prove he didn't, he pulled her toward him, loving the feel of her against him even if she was curled up in the fetal position against his torso. She placed her hand on his chest and smiled as she felt him shiver.

"I like this," she whispered as she felt her eyes droop.

"Me too." He whispered, somewhat choked from the words.

"You." She said suddenly, as if correcting herself. "I-I like _you_."

And that was the last Jacob heard from her before the soft snores that drifted him off to one of the first comfortable sleeps in weeks.

* * *

"It's a bad idea," Sam said as they all stood outside in their cut off jeans and - in Leah and Tessa's case - worn tops. It was a meeting of sorts and everyone knew it was just to tell her that there was no need for a meeting at all.

Tessa would not be going to see Braden.

"It's not a bad idea," she argued strongly. "We have to keep suspicion off of us, if Braden starts bringing in the authorities - or worse my father - then we will have bigger problems than me keeping my cool near some vamps."

"And if you can't keep your cool and Braden's too close?" Sam asked with a frown, he didn't need to finish the sentence to let them know what he meant.

"That won't happen."

"You don't know that. Just being near them will set you on edge. If he happens to upset you, just in the slightest..." he trailed off with a shiver that seemed to pass through the entire group.

"Then I'll have people on the sidelines. Paul and Jake can be there if I get too worked up." She looked at Jake, even though he didn't say anything. It was hard to try and ignore the fact he did not look pleased by the arrangement or even more likely the situation.

"You could still hurt him, then what would you do? We can't have outsiders knowing about us, Tess. Just like you said, we have to say out of the spotlight."

"I'm not going to hurt my boyfriend," she hissed. "If you don't help me do this, then I will do it on my own. When none of you expect it. It's your choice, I'm letting you do this the way you want - you can all be there if you want, you can boss me around, you can be at the Cullens party, or even just in the woods nearby - I don't care. This is the only chance you're getting to help me or I'm going to do it my way."

"And what would that be?" Sam asked, his mouth set in a firm line.

"Phase and run my ass off, hoping that you don't catch me before I get to him." She shrugged. "I'm seeing him, now are you going to help me or not?"

It was clear that no one really did want to help her. She could tell that no one thought it was safe and more importantly no one wanted their secret bursting out in the open - namely having her burst out in the open.

"I need to know," she found herself saying painfully. "Jake and I are imprints. I get it. The only way I can make Jake happy is to be with him, the only way Braden is happy is if I am with him and the only way I'm happy is if I'm not hurting anyone. The only way I'll know how to work this or-or how to fix it." She looked to Sam, trying to make him understand.

"Is if you know that you don't love him?"

"You know what I'm saying. I can't hurt him any more then I already have. Then I already know that I will." Her gaze lingered on Jake.

"If this is what you need, do it." Jake whispered. Everyone looked at him in shock. It was almost like an order, but somehow they all knew that now he had said it, it was official. Tessa went up to him and took his hand in her left, running her right over the calluses on his palms.

"I don't want to cause you pain. You want your answer, you want to know how I want you - and to do that, I need to know how I want him. I can't hurt you anymore. I can't keep him hurting...

"Just help me. Help me make it through seeing him, talking to him. Otherwise this is never going to get better because I'll never know whether or not I need him, or if he needs me. Or...or if I care at all, either way..." she whispered. Her shoulders slumping.

"Tessie..." Paul whispered, wincing when he saw the pain playing across her features and the shaking that was beginning at her shoulders. He hoped she was about to phase not that those waves of shivers were sobs.

"Sam," Jake whispered in a low voice, looking up in just as much agony. "Please."

Sam looked at the group slowly, looking at the little girl who was crying. It was a disturbing sound, laced with turmoil and a pain that he understood all too well and at the same time didn't understand at all. He had never had this much of a determination to stay with Leah after he had found Emily. It had been a painfully obvious decision that he was no longer in love with Leah the minute he had laid eyes on her cousin. How could she keep fighting like this? Sam closed his eyes, trying to visualize how they could possibly make this mess work out for the better.

"Please." Jake repeated in the silence. It made Sam heave a sigh and gaze harshly at the little wolfgirl in front of him.

"You will not go in the house. You will stay outside and at the edge of the woods. Seth will make sure the vampires don't come outside during what will be a very brief conversation. You will not touch him, you will stay five feet away from him at all times and, most importantly, you will not tell him a thing about what we are."

Each order that fell from Sam's lips felt like a rope tying around her limbs, restraining her from arguing and eventually restraining her from disobeying his rules.

"I won't." She swore bitterly.

"I know," he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "This meeting is done. Brady, Seth, Leah, get back to patrol."

Everyone made their way out of the clearing, some patting her on the shoulder and some giving Jake looks of both pity and warning. This would end up being hard on them all - but no one understood

how badly this decision would play out for them all...

"I felt like I was watching Braveheart!" Jared smiled as he walked up and swung his arm around Tessa's shoulders. She tried to relax them for his benefit, but found she was still too tense under the hold of Sam's command. "You were pretty awesome."

"I don't _feel _awesome," she frowned. Who knew how awkward the feeling of magical bond against her body could be, she thought bitterly.

"That'll pass." He assured. "So, what do you want to know about surviving near vamps?"

She should have known that Jared would be supportive and there for her through this entire mess. If only she knew how much everything would change, that everyone would soon be split on two dangerously thin sides. But nevertheless, she smiled. "Everything."

* * *

**Not my best, but I wanted to get something out to you guys. I hope you enjoyed it, your reviews from last chapter were wonderful and to those reviewers I have to say the following:**

**indigofrisbee: **So, I dedicated this chapter to you because you were the one who got me to sit down and try to work out my writers block for this story. Your message to me was so sweet and it's nice to know that there is an emotional aspect that people are connecting to with this story because I'm starting to think I messed it up and should start over - I feel like I haven't connected with Esa as I should have, even though I have with Braden. Thank you so much for your message, you literally are the person who made me sit down and say "I need to figure something out". I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you so much!

**Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967: **I'm glad you enjoyed last chapter, hopefully you enjoyed this as well. Sorry for the long wait!

**Angel of the Night Watchers: **This chapter was hard as hell to write, but I sat down and made myself do it. I didn't let myself write any other story chapters until it was done. But thanks for editting it and making sure it could be as good as it could have been! It was awesome actually having such a nice flowing conversation through our PM as we tried to work this out, we should continue that :)

**ForeverTeamEdward13: **I'm back, I just have no idea how long it will be until I'm back again! Yes, Braden is definitely getting the short end of the stick, but I promise that its not ending there and it is not ending that easily...in fact, Braden's going to come back with a vengence! Hope you liked this chapter :)

**carly: **I'm glad you started to realize what was happening, but as you can see it might not necessarily burn off the illness. I hope you like this chapter and that you're staying with me during my writers block. Thank you for reviewing!

**MintCcIceCream: **I'm glad you like Tessa as a main character, I'm really feeling that I haven't solidified her personality yet, which is something I think I need to do before the writers block can go away. Braden is definitely going to have his moment, but probably not how people are expecting - I hope you enjoyed this update and thank you for your thoughts!

**starfield121: **I'm so glad to hear that you like it so much, I hope you're with me still through my pause. Thank you so much for your review, I really appreciate it!

**You guys are so wonderful for reviewing, thank you so much and I hope you can bear with me as I try to get past my writers block for this story! Thank you and please ****review**** :)**

**-Egypt**


	18. Note

**AUTHORS NOTE**

* * *

Hello readers of _Sickening_, I know you expected an update of this story but instead I have an announcement. Before you panic, I would like to say it is good - or at least, I believe it is.

Along the way of this story, I lost the sense of my characters. I confused myself by trying to add too much too late into some of the chapters and because of that I have come up with terrible writers block for a story that I already have planned out - it is the my least favourite type of writers block, when you don't care to write something you don't care about.

So, instead of torturing myself with writing new chapters of this as it is and upsetting you by waiting so many weeks and months between chapters, I am going to change it up...

I am going to begin rewriting this story. From chapter one. I want to revamp and reaquaint myself with these characters and this situation and make it better, more believable, and more true to everyone involved - fictional, readers, and author.

I hope that you forgive me for this but so many like this story that I want to be true to it and to do that, it cannot stay as it is. Thank you for reading this and I hope that you like what I end up doing with this story which I will begin changing and updating soon.

Stay tuned.

-Egypt


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